


Dreaming

by Gwenfanatic



Category: Blake Shelton/Gwen Stefani - Fandom, Shefani
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-07-22 06:46:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 54
Words: 79,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7424227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gwenfanatic/pseuds/Gwenfanatic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The future we all pray for between Blake and Gwen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Summer

**Author's Note:**

> This one is my first I'm not super confident about it but those who read so far liked it.

The boys last day of School was last week. They were at their dads for the rest of week while I get everything packed for the tour. I'm beyond excited for this. Never in a million years did I think I would have a new album out or be getting ready to go on tour again. However unbelievable that is, it is nothing compared to how crazy my personal life has been. I went from the lowest of lows to the highest yet. One day I'm married with 3 kids, not happily but still married, to the next divorced and a single mom. Then out of nowhere I find love when I wasn't even thinking about it.                                                          

Blake Shelton, who knew! Who knew he would be the shoulder I would cry on. Who knew he would be going through the exact same thing at the exact same time. Who knew that our supportive friendship would turn into so much more than a friendship. If you would have told me a year ago that at this time I would be divorced and dating Blake Shelton, I would have laugh in your face and told you that you were way past crazy. Yet here I am and to be totally honest with myself I couldn't be happier.                     

The boys were coming with me on the tour bus. Packing for me and three boys is rather stressful! I had forgotten how hard it was to pack for kids knowing you would be gone for months. I haven't toured since King was little and packing for one was way easier than packing for three. I am glad the boys are coming with me though. The time they spend away with their dad, kills me and the thought of not having them all summer made me almost cancel the idea of a tour. Thanks to many talks between lawyers their dad finally agreed it would be best for them to go with me.  
...............................................................................................................................................  
Tonight is the fourth stop on the tour, Camden NJ. Opening night was everything I hoped it would be! Sold out crowd, my singing was dead on, no big issues, and the most important thing is that my four boys were there watching and supporting me. I was so happy that Blake was there for the first one. I would never say it out loud, but I think he knew, I was nervous and having him there calmed my nerves. 

He hadn't been there for the third show but he was back with us for this stop. I knew I was gonna pull him on stage with me to do the duet. The first time we did the duet on the voice was intense. The electricity between us was off the charts! I thought it would be less the more we performed it but boy was I wrong. God, I'm so whipped! It's so amazing to have a man at my side that doesn't criticize every move I make and constantly supports me. We both had it rough in our last relationships. Now we crave that love and positive attention we hadn't had for so long.  
...............................................................................................................................................  
The jersey crowd was great so much energy to feed off of! The duet was hot. I kicked myself for not making that last in the set list because it took all the will power I had not to jump he when he kissed me at the end! That was one thing I never understood, with Gavin I never felt like that when he kissed me. There was no passion behind it, it was more like he did it cause he felt he had to. But with Blake, whether it be a sweet soft kiss or a long hard kiss, it left me craving more and my thong soaked. How did one man have so much power over me physically. I loved everything about it, about us. 

Todd and Jen flew in for tonight's show too since Blake was gonna be here. We left the kids with the nanny and the four of us went out to eat.

"It's so nice to have a grown ups night out! Between performing and having 3 kids on the bus I feel like I haven't stopped since we left LA!" I said 

"Why don't you let Todd and I stay on the bus with the kids tonight and you guys stay in a hotel room? That way you get some alone time and you get a break." Jen responded

"Yes she says yes!" Blake answered and we all laughed.

We hadn't had a night together without the fear of the kids hearing or walking in on us since my tour started and I knew Blake was dying for that cause I was. He has been so good about it though. I know it's not easy dating a mother of three and being on tour made it even harder. As much as I already knew he would, I told myself if he stayed through the tour he and I are in it for the forever. 

"Really? You guys know how bad of a sleeper Apollo can be. We would really appreciate it but I don't want you guys to have to deal with Apollo all night if he doesn't sleep." 

"Gwen he is my nephew and we have kids of our own, we know what we are offering. Let's us keep the kids for one night." Todd said 

"Ok as long as you guys are sure." I said while feeling Blake squeeze my lack of a love handle in excitement.  
...............................................................................................................................................

Blake and I were walking hand in hand headed to our hotel. I hadn't realized it till Blake pulled my hand back, but I was practically running to the room. 

"You know we have all night right? No need to run." 

" I know but I've been waiting since you kissed me on stage. And I want you now, hell I need you!" 

I had to laugh because he started running now, pulling me behind him. The minuet the door was closed, my back was pushed against the wall, his lip plastered to mine. My hands went straight to his curls pulling him into me. A fire sparked in me and I couldn't control the need anymore. I needed him and I need him NOW! 

I pulled him toward the bed while I unbutton his shirt and he unzips mine. I feel the bed behind my knees and I fall onto it our lips never parting. We come apart for air long enough to remove what articles of clothing are left. His lips are back on mine and my hands return to his curls. I pull just a lil making him moan against my lips. He pulls away from my lips and he moves to my neck and begins leaving a mark. Damn that's gonna be hard to cover up tomorrow but it feels so good. 

After devouring my neck he moves to my breasts. Messaging one with his hand and taking the other in his mouth. I inhale sharply as he begins to suck hard on my nipple. He flicks my nipple with his tongue circling it before turning to give the other the same attention. I pull his mouth back up to mine.

"I need you Blake now please" I mutter against his lips.

I feel him insert two fingers into me and I think I'm going to lose my mind. 

"Geez Gwen I never get over how wet you get for me." 

He pulls his fingers out and I moan in protest. I hear the rapper of a condom open but I him tell no. I can't wait that long and I feel his length at my entrance. He pushes his length all the way in with one hard thrust. He hisses at the tightness and I cry out in pain but not the bad kind. It's the kind of pain I had been craving all day.  After giving me a minute to adjust to his size, he grabs my hips and begin a slow but steady rhythm. Our tongues fight a war as he gradually increases the speed. 

"Please Blake I'm so close please" I beg 

He starts pounding into me as I fall over the edge of bliss screaming his name. He continues pounding me until I feel him fall over the edge too, yelling my name. 

"God Gwen you make me come harder than I have ever come before you." He said while we lay there cuddling trying to catch our breath. This process continues late into the night as we make each other come until we are both so tired we can't move. We fall asleep cuddling and don't wake until the alarm goes off telling us we have to meet everyone on the bus to travel to our next stop. 

...............................................................................................................................................  
By the tired look on our faces Todd and Jen don't bother asking if we had a good night. The answer was plastered on our faces. That day we take the boys to the park to play before my show the next day in NY. Blake is chasing the big boys around while I hear the them giggling and yelling "You can't catch us". Seeing how much the boys love him makes my heart melt. 

An out of breath Blake comes over to where I'm pushing Apollo in a swing and says "I give up you guys are to fast. You win." 

Apollo looks up a him and reaches out to him. "Up Bwake..."

Blake stops the swings and picks up my youngest boy. Apollo instantly grabs Blake's ear. He only started this with Blake last week. And I fall apart at the seams seeing my love holding my baby. I know Blake has always wanted kids and the thought pops into my head of what it would be like to see Blake holding our baby. I shake the thought from my head. Apollo was already a miracle baby the chances Blake and I could ever have a baby together is slim if nonexistent. I just didn't see that in the cards for us and that made my eyes tear up and one escapes down my cheek. Blake looks at me with concern in his eyes as he reads my expression and wipes the lone tear from my face. 

"What's wrong sunshine?"

I shake my head and answer "nothing just thinking about how much I love you." 

I can tell he doesn't believe me he knows me better but instead of pushing, he tells me he loves me and pulls me under his free arm. We walk over to the jungle gym the two oldest are climbing on, and I'm in awe of how full my life is. But the thought of a baby with Blake leaves an empty hole I can't seem to ignore.......


	2. Wrapping up the tour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tour is ending but Gwen is still sick???

I slowly wake up light shining in my face. I groan and open my eyes just enough to see if  my cowboy is awake. His eyes are closed and his breathing is steady so I lay my head back down on his chest. It's my new favorite place to be. Out of nowhere I feel that sudden urge that makes me pull out of Blake's arm and sprint to the bathroom on the bus. This isn't the first morning this has happened but I chalk it up to car sickness. 

"Gwen are you sick again?" 

I look up to see my cowboys worried face. A site that seems to be the norm here lately. He worries to much, but secretly I love it. Gavin was alway mad when I was sick. He would complain that he had to get the boys up and ready for school, saying that mornings were my job and I knew how he hated mornings. 

My thoughts are interrupted...

"Gwen are you ok? Do you need me to get you something? Maybe you should make an appointment with the Doctor." 

" I'm fine. It's just carsickness." 

I feel that urge hit me once again. This time I feel him sitting down on the floor next to me, wrapping his arm around my waist. When I finish I lean into his chest while he strokes my back softly. Almost asleep again, I'm brought back to reality by a tiny boy yelling "momma, Bwake."

For now the feeling has passed and I reassure my cowboy that I'm ok and get up to get my baby boy. The smile I see when I reach his bed is one that drops me to my knees every time. My boys mean the world to me but again my mind wonders to the thought of a little Blake, maybe a little girl version.... I shake my head I don't know what my deal is lately, I just can't shake the thought of wanting to give Blake the kid he has always wanted.  
...............................................................................................................................................  
It was time to start getting ready for the last show before we head back to Cali. I was in my chair with Danilo working his magic on my hair. 

"I don't get I have never been carsick before but it's been every morning since we started the tour."

"It is rather odd that it would start all of a sudden but who know maybe that type of thing can just come on you at a random time."

"Yeah maybe. I feel bad because it's got Blake all worried and upset. I keep telling him it's nothing, I'm always fine by the afternoon." 

"That man is so head over heals heals for you girl. I'd be worried if he wasn't upset to see you sick. You said your only sick in the morning... You don't think you could be pregnant do you?"

At that we both busted out laughing. Me pregnant yeah ok. I felt like the luckiest mother alive to have had Apollo, my miracle baby. I knew he was my last baby. That's one of the things I have struggled with since the start of this crazy ride with my cowboy. I knew how much he wanted kids of his own, and I've felt like by being with him I'm denying him that chance just like his ex. There have been many tear filled conversations about how he should move on and find someone who can give him the family he deserves. However it always ends with him holding me telling me that the boys and I are all the family he needs.  
...............................................................................................................................................

What a whirlwind the summer was! The fans were amazing and it reminded me once again of how blessed I am to have the life I have. Like who knew the girl from Anaheim would end up living this life! I'm always blown away by the love my fans have for me, like what did I do to deserve this. 

It's so nice to be sleeping in my bed again in my house. After being on the bus for months being home is like heaven. Blake had a concert in Nashville so he wasn't home for our first night back in LA, which made it hard to sleep. I never sleep good when he isn't here anymore. I didn't have to be up early in the morning since the boy went to their dads for the week so my plan was to sleep in for once.

My body had different plan though. I awake with the all to familiar feeling, and I fly to the bathroom. I'm not on the bus so what's up? I don't understand I have never been one to be sick like this except..... Oh shit...except when I was pregnant with King. No....I couldn't be....but what else could it be. I hear my cowboy ringtone. I force down the urge to go get my phone.

Putting on my happy face I slide to answer.....

"Hey cowboy!" His face is bright when I answer but falls as soon as he see me.

"Gwen what's wrong are you sick again?" Concern all over his face.

"Yeah I don't get what's up? I guess I'm gonna have make an appointment for this week." Hiding my thoughts from earlier

"Should I cancel everything for this week to go with you? What the hell yes I should!" He answers himself 

"Woah Blake don't do that!!!! It's probably nothing, no need to stress before a reason."

"But I nee...." 

"You need to be their for your career. If it's something serious then you can come home, but I'm telling you it's nothing." I interrupt him. 

"If you say so. I miss you so much! I just want to hold you!" 

"I miss you too! I didn't sleep good without my cowboy pillow!" I frown 

I can hear someone talking to him in the background while he looks to the side.

"Baby girl I'm really sorry but I gotta go. I love you!" 

"I love you to cowboy! Hurry home."

"Always sunshine."

I sit back against the bathtub and will myself to not throw up again. I pick up my phone and make the call to the gynecologist. I know Blake wants kids of his own it's been a sore spot for me, but what if he isn't ok with the timing. We hadn't discussed timing because we had accepted the fact that it wasn't possible. 

After concern comes the hope. The hope I know I shouldn't have yet but can't help it. Another baby! Blue eyed curly haired baby.... Can she even think it....girl. She wants a girl so bad! Blake would adore a little girl. She would have him wrapped around her little finger. She wouldn't be upset however if it was another boy. Her boys are her world and she couldn't imagine her house covered in anything but swords and balls and cars. 

The wave of nausea passes as she is daring to daydream. So she picks up the phone to call and hesitantly tells the receptionist she thinks she is pregnant. She is lucky enough to not have to wait. They have an opening that day before she has to pick up the boys. As she is driving she feels nauseous but she can tell is different, this time she is excited nervous and maybe even scared. 

Before she goes into the office she sends Blake a text

"Heading into the doctor now will let you know what they say. love you! Gx"


	3. Telling Blake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen can't wait to tell Blake

Holy shit! How is this possible? How did I get to be so blessed? Holy shit! I can't wait to tell Blake! My thought wonder to the doctors concerns and the fact that it's a high risk pregnancy because of my age. What if something is wrong with the baby? Our relationship still feels new even though we have been together a year. We haven't even had a big fight yet. Could we make through if something is wrong? Can I raise a special needs baby and three boys on my own? 

My mind was so wrapped up I didn't even realize I was pulling into Gavin's drive way. Oh shit Gavin! Eventually he would know. Was he going to make a big scene about it? Stop it. Didn't I just get done telling Blake not to worry! Plus the doctor said low stress is a big deal. I don't think she knows who I am or what my life is like! 

I go up to the door and ring the bell. I hear little feet running toward the door and it flys open with Zuma bounding through it! Gosh I miss them when they are gone! King is right behind him with the biggest smile on his face. Gavin is carrying Pollo, who is wiggling trying to break free. Without saying a word or looking at Gavin I take my baby from him, hugging him so tight. 

"Boys go get your bags so we can get home" I tell them and they bound down the hall.  
...............................................................................................................................................  
"Mom, is Blake home yet?" King asks when we are in the car.

"He is on his way sweetie. His plane lands in a few hours." 

"I miss him!" King says quietly. 

"Yeah Blake makes everything fun" Zuma exclaims.

This makes my heart melt to know that he is just as important to my boys as he is to me. He really is the missing piece in my life I knew was missing but ignored.  
...............................................................................................................................................  
The boys are in the study finishing homework that their dad didn't make them do, of course. Apollo is napping before dinner. My ears are listening for the sound of a car on the driveway and a car door, but I hear nothing. I call and order pizza, not feeling like cooking. 

As I hang up the phone I hear it. The car door shutting. I squeal and run for the door. I feel like a teenager running to the door with the high school hottie waiting on the other side. I fling it open just as Blake is pulling out his keys. I throw myself in his arms, and they instantly wrap around my waist. I snuggle my face into his shirt and take a deep breath through my nose. He kisses the top of my head and suddenly I feel the need to feel his lips on mine. Just as our lips are about to touch.......

"Blake" the boys yell as they come running towards us. I move to step back so he can huge the boys but he doesn't completely let go. He Hughes the boys with one arm, while still holding onto me with the other. 

"Blake we missed you a lot!" Zuma says

"Blake I'm glad your home. Zuma lets go finish our homework so we can play with Blake." King says

They bound down the hall discussing what to do first. I turn to see the biggest grin on my cowboys face. We knew Blake meant a lot to the boys but King has been more shy about expressing this and I could tell that what he said made Blake's day. Little did he know I was gonna make this the most unforgettable day for us yet.

Since the boys had disappeared down the hall I jumped at my chance to kiss my cowboy. The moment my lips meet his, it's like we are the only two in the world and all I need is more of him. Next thing I know I'm pushing him against the wall in the doorway. He hands grab my ass making both of us moan. My hands go to his curls while my tongue brushes his lips asking for access. His lips part as he moans and I shove my tongue in his mouth as we start the dance of our make out sessions. 

As the heat only continues to grow, we pull back knowing that if we don't stop now, we won't be able to. So we stand there our foreheads touching, trying to catch our breaths. We hear that little cry that breaks my heart and let's me know my baby is awake. I pull away and head toward Apollo's room but I feel that calloused hand grab my wrist.

"Blake I have to...."

"Let me get him" Blake interrupts 

As much as I like to be the one to get him up I relent and let Blake go, knowing how excited Apollo will be to see Blake. My thoughts are confirmed as I hear "Bwake!!!!!". A smile takes over my face, as I am reminded of how truly blessed I am to have my cowboy!  
...............................................................................................................................................

That night after we eat pizza, the boys pick out a movie and we settle down on the couch to watch. I look at Blake as the movie starts with Apollo curled up against his chest, Zuma nuzzled into his side between us, and King curled up next me snuggling. 

"Thank you" he mouths. Even though I know what he means, I give him a questioning playful look. He mouths "family". We watch the movie to the end even though all three of the kids were fast asleep half way through it. We both carefully get up. He hands Apollo to me and carefully so not to wake him up he cradles Zuma and carries him to his bed. Then he comes back and does the same with King. Once the two oldest are in bed we go together to put Apollo to bed. 

I lay him in his crib and Blake walks up from behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. We stand there watching him sleep, so tiny and peaceful. I grab Blake's hand and head to our room. Once on the bed Blake leans in to kiss me but I stop him. 

"So I went to the doctor today."

His face falls and I can see the worry written across his face. 

"Blake I see the way you are with Apollo and how much you long for a baby like him that's yours."

"Gwen we have talked about this please don't start..."

"Let me finish please." 

He nods his head so I continue.

"Every time I see you look at Apollo with love or run to him when he cries I die inside a little. Until today Blake."

By the look an his face I can tell he hasn't gotten it yet so I continue. 

" You are a great step dad and I know you gonna be just as great of dad."

His expression goes from confusion to total shock and I know he gets it now.


	4. Happiness beyond words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blake's dream comes true, Gwen faces more challenges with self esteem thanks to rat.

"D..D...Dad. I'm gonna be a dad?"

I nod my head and a huge smile breaks out across his face. I have never seen him smile so big and to know I helped put it there melts my heart. Suddenly the need to kiss him is so intense I can't control myself. My lips hit his so hard he falls to his back. My tongue brushes his lips begging for entrance and shoves into his mouth at the first chance. We make out like this for a while with me unbuttoning his shirt needing to feel his chest. 

Before I realize what's happening Blake is pushing me back stopping my hands. I give him a questioning look trying to hide the hurt and rejection I'm feeling. I found myself falling into that deep hole dug by Gavin. When I was pregnant with our boys he wouldn't touch me. He said he couldn't have sex with someone so big. He said I needed to wait to the baby was born and I could work off some of the extra weight. 

I feel Blake's thumbs wiping the tears, that are now falling ,off my cheeks. He pulls me into his chest and as much as I want to pull away and hide I can't I need his warmth. 

"Gwen, I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you by pulling away I just didn't think I could stop if we kept at it any longer."

"Are you not gonna touch me because I'm big either?" 

"Big? You mean u think I'm not gonna have sex with you because your pregnant? Is that what he said to you?" 

I was sobbing now. The insecurities brought on by my ex were once again being pulled to the surface. I buried my head as far as I could into his chest, wishing I could escape. This was supposed to be a happy time and here I am a blubbering mess. 

"Gwen, please stop crying baby. Let me explain!"

He pulls me away from his chest and grabs my face, forcing me to look him in the eye. Now I see the tears in his eyes; the pain, the anger, the concern. 

"Gwen, me pulling away had nothing to do with not wanting you. Believe me I want you! I just want to cherish this moment. We are having a baby!" 

I force a smile on my face knowing that what he is saying is true. He isn't rejecting me he is in aww of me. I'm giving him the thing his ex wouldn't and that he has wanted for as long as he can remember. As the tears dry and the excitement is rekindled, I feel the love radiating from him.

"Blake?" 

"Yeah sunshine?"

" I love you and I'm sorry my emotions are crazy. Thanks for not bailing because these insecurities aren't gonna disappear but I'm trying, I really am."

"Gwen you need to know that I understand, I have them too. You also need to know that I'm not going anywhere! Ever! You, the boys, and now our growing baby are my world! I'm never going anywhere!"   
...............................................................................................................................................  
After that we laid in bed awhile holding each other, his hand wrapped around my waist protectively holding my stomach and the barely there baby bump. We both fell asleep like this. It was one of the most peaceful nights of sleep!

Waking up, before even opening my eye, I feel Blake's hand still holding my stomach as a huge smile covers my face. There to breakup the bliss is that all to familiar feeling. I bolt from the bed to the bathroom. Next thing I know my cowboy is lifting me into his lap holding my hair back for me. As I finish and feel the nausea die down a bit. I look at him with nothing but love and desire. 

" you just threw your guts up but you instantly look like you gonna jump me! What the heck sunshine? I know pregnant women can have mood swings but damn that was fast!" 

I throw my head back and laugh. I laugh because of how fun this is gonna be for him learning the ins and outs of having a pregnant woman around. I laugh because a year ago I thought death was eminent, but now I have the best cowboy holding me and my hair while I empty myself because I'm have his baby. I laugh at how totally insane this is. I laugh because I wouldn't want it any other way!

I lightly kiss him which he returns and even deepens. Tongues begin their battle teeth nashing, all of this is brought to a sudden and all to soon end when we hear...

"Blake are you in here? Are you awake? Apollo is crying and I'm hungry." We hear Zuma say at the door. 

"I'm in here buddy. I'll be..." 

Before he can finish his sentence there is a little blonde boy bounding into us. I instinctively protect my little secret and Blake catches him before he hits us.

"Wow little man. Be careful you don't want to hurt....."

My heart sinks we didn't talk about telling the kids yet. I don't know if this is the best way to tell him. Panic runs through me and Blake sees it. 

"....your mom." He finishes

And so our morning begins. I realize just how great my life is and all I can do is smile!


	5. Happiness or self destruct

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How will the boys react?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if I love this chapter but here it is hope u like it!

After we get the boys up and feed, I send the oldest ones off to get dressed for school. 

"Blaaaaaake" I whine sporting my best pouty face

"Yes sunshine? How may I be of service?" 

"Can you take the boys to school I really don't feel like..."

"Of course! Anything for my sunshine." He say before I can finish and places one of my favorite kisses on my forehead

Lucky isn't even the word to describe how blessed my life has become in the last year. I don't know what I did to deserve this but I'm not questioning it.  
...............................................................................................................................................   
Apollo is on the floor on his carpet city playing cars while I'm on the couch...thinking. I'm beyond excited. Blake's beyond excited. I know his family will be too. What about the boys? Is this gonna be to much for them to process so fast? I mean it's only been a little over a year since Blake came into their lives. It won't even be two years before this little one is here. 

I glance down at my first miracle baby and smile. So young and innocent he is the only one who won't remember life before Blake. I hate that he is growing up with separated parents but I'm glad he will only know the happy times. He won't understand a new baby until it's here so I don't have to worry about how it will effect him. 

"Apollo" 

He looks up at me with that smile that kills me every time and I move off the couch to sit next to him. 

"Do u want to be a big brother? Mommy has a baby in her belly." 

He nods but I know he doesn't understand. I just hope he will love being a big brother. It's not gonna be an easy transition since I have literally made over him from day one thinking he was my last baby, but he will get there. He is an affectionate little boy and I hope he is like that with the baby.  
...............................................................................................................................................  
I'm so deep in thought I don't hear Blake come in. 

"Hey sunshine" 

I jump what feels like ten feet.

"Holy cow! Blake! You scared me to death!" 

"Sorry Gwen I didn't mean to. Are u ok? Is... you know ok?" Making gestures with his hand toward his stomach. 

He worries to much but it cute. It shows how much he cares and how much he loves us.

"Yeah we're fine just startled that's all. Cowboy you know you can talk about the baby in front of him. He doesn't understand. I told him anyway but he is to young. It's the older boys I'm worried about."

I see his face scrunch up. I can see the concern, fear almost in his expression. It's crazy how we can read each other like a book. There is no hiding things from each other it just doesn't work.

"You don't think they will be excited and happy?"

It's hard to see my big cowboy insecure and self doubting. It literally breaks my hearts to see his insecurities. I could claw that bitches eyes out for what she did to him, but at the same time if she hadn't taken what she had for granted he wouldn't be mine. I like calling him mine! I walk over to him and pull him into an embrace. His head tucks into that space between my neck and my shoulder. 

"They are going to love having another sibling. It's just hard for them especially Zuma to understand all this grown up stuff. Believe me they are gonna be excited." 

He looks up at me with want in his eyes. 

"I hope they are just excited. I want them to feel like we are all a family. As far as I'm concerned when they are with us they are just as much mine as this baby is." 

Now it's my turn to be emotional. Tears in my eyes looking at my cowboy in aww. How did I get so damn lucky. I will never fully understand it but I'll never take it for granted.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
That night we decide to make it special. We order their favorite...pizza. Blake bought them How to Train a Dragon 2. The first one was a big hit and it was Blake's idea to get the second one. We got candy and ice cream for during the movie.

The boy had bounds of energy all night. I was kinda regretting the candy AND ice cream, but I knew this was a big night so for once I let them go all in. Blake and I had decided to let the boys wind down and watch the movie first before we talked to them. As soon as the movie was over both boys, followed by Apollo trying to be like his big brothers, were whining that it was over and couldn't they stay up and watch another one. I gave Blake a look telling him it was time to talk to them.

"Boys you have to convince your mom to let you watch another movie but first we need to talk to you for a minute. Ok?" 

"Ok" they both say giving me a confused look

"Boys, do you remember when your dad and I told you that God gave us a big surprise when we didn't think it was possible? And that was Apollo." 

" Yeah, that's cause I asked him for Apollo!" Zuma said proudly but King just nodded 

"Well God has decided to surprise our family again. This time he included Blake though."

"Are you guys having a baby, mom?" King asked

I wanted to know what was running through his mind. Where we about to have a big mess or are they going to be excited? How am I going to handle this if they shatter? I must have had a hidden look of free on my face because my cowboys arm wrapped around my waist, letting me know I'm not in this alone and that its all going to work out. Gosh I'm the luckiest girl alive to have this cowboy as mine! 

"Yes King Blake and I are having a baby."

"Awesome!!!!!" Zuma yells running to hug Blake

"Hey since when does he get a hug first?" 

"Sorry mom but you had a baby before so Blake gets the first hug this time." 

"Well ok then. King what are you thinking?" 

"Is the baby still my brother or sister? I mean Blake isn't our dad but your our mom?" 

"That's a good question King. Yes the baby will still be your brother or sister but the baby won't go with you boys when you go to your dads house." 

"Cause the babies dad is Blake right mom?" Zuma asked

"Exactly Zuma" 

King got up and walk in between Blake and I, giving us both a hug at the same time. I heard him whisper to Blake "thank you". I could feel the tears pooling in my eyes. I look to Blake to see his eyes full of tears too. Suddenly they are running down my face. 

"Mom why are you crying?" Zuma asks

"Because I'm the luckiest person alive. I have three great boys and a great boyfriend!"


	6. Bliss and Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blake and Gwen aren't prepared to tell her parents yet but thanks to morning sickness they might not have a choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got excited with Gwen coming back to us, so I started off the chapter with a boom or a bang

Blake grabbed my hand as we left Apollo's room and lead me to what is now our bedroom. We walk through the door, he turns shuts it and picks me up. He carries me to the bed laying me down on my back with my head on the pillows. 

"Sunshine" he says as he crawls in bed next to me.

"You have made me the most blessed man alive. I really don't know what would have happened to me if you hadn't been there for me. This life is the life I always dreamed of and thought I could never have. You gave this to me and I love you more than you can possibly know" he says tears pulling in his eyes

"I think I have an idea cowboy. Now shut up and kiss me already."

I'm normally not that brazen but damn I'm horny as hell when I'm pregnant. This pregnancy is worse and I don't know if it's just this pregnancy or the cowboy that's now nibbling on my ear, but I'm pretty sure it's the latter. His lips move from my ear planting kisses along my jawline until his lips finally meet mine. The kiss starts off soft but the heat quickly grows as he deepens it! 

His tongue brushes across my lips causing me to moan. As my lips part to release the sound he tongue dives in my mouth. It brushes against mine causing yet another moan to escape. We do the dance with our tongues until I can't stand it anymore I need to feel his skin against mine. I start undressing him and he gets the hint beginning to undress me.

Once he is naked and I only have my red lace thong on his mouth make its way from my mouth to my right nipple he sucks and licks until it is so swollen it hurts. He turns his attention to the other breast giving it the same treatment. Once he is satisfied with my nipples he kisses his way down my stomach until he reaches my belly button. He looks me square in the eye holding my gaze while his tongue licked circles around it before licking in it. It take my entire will power not to fall to pieces right then. He begins kissing his way lower until he place a kiss on my heat. 

His tongue is licking up and down my lips make the need build and build. Finally his tongue dips inside me one two three strokes and I'm falling into that world of bliss. 

"Now I'm going to fuck you until you cry from the pleasure" he whispers in a low raspy voice

And he shoves his length into me in one swift unexpected thrust. He then does just as he promised and fucks me until I have tears falling down my face from pleasure. When we are so exhausted we can't hold our eyes open, he cuddles up behind me and we fall into a slumber that lasts until we hear little sounds from the baby monitor.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
"Boys when you finish your cereal go upstairs and get dressed. Make sure you have everything packed you want to take with you to your dads." 

Blake was drinking a cup of coffee with his his phone in his hand. He's probably answering fans on Twitter. That's yet another thing we have in common. We both love our fans and understand that they are the reason we have the lives we do. Spending a little bit of time online with them is something we both try to do. 

"Cowboy can you get Apollo dressed so I can go get ready. I don't want to be late to breakfast with my parents." 

"On it sunshine giggles will be ready when you come back." 

I head up stairs and start getting ready praying that the nausea dies down long enough for me to get ready. I have no clue how I'm gonna make it through breakfast with my parents without running to the bathroom. When they asked a couple weeks ago I had hoped that the morning sickness would be a thing of the past but it's hanging around longer this pregnancy. I'm almost two months pregnant now and with King it only lasted the first month.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
After we are all ready and loaded in the car, we make our way to Gavin's house to drop the boys off. This isn't the first time Blake has driven us to his house to drop off or pick up the kids but I remind him every time that I can handle this he doesn't get out of car. Secretly I'm nervous Blake would beat Gavin for all shit he did to me, and as much as I love how protective he is over me beating Gavin up would only make things way worse than they already are.  
...............................................................................................................................................  
My parents love Blake which is a huge contrast to how they felt about Gavin. None of my family ever liked Gavin and I guess I should have seen that as a warning. I was so in need of being loved that I ignored it thinking Gavin loved me. I'm sure he did in his own twisted way but he didn't understand there were limits. I could only forgive and overlook when he was willing to make us work. His dick won over wanting to make things work for our family.

We get to my parents and of course my mom already has everything ready and on the table. We sit down and begin eating. We talk about the boys and how they are coping with the changes. We talk about me and how I'm coping. They get into a conversation with Blake about this season of the voice, and there it is that feeling. 

"Excuse me I need to run to the bathroom" I say as I literally run to the bathroom

"Blake should you go check on her? She didn't look good, she was a little green." My dad says

"I think she is ok she has just been a little off in the mornings lately." He answers 

My parents look at each other with questioning looks. They are used to Blake being over protective and overly concerned with me, so his nonchalant attitude makes them question why he isn't concerned now. I come back from the bathroom convinced I'm done throwing up for now and I take my seat next to Blake. He slides he chair closer to mine and kisses my cheek placing his hand on my thigh. 

"Gwen honey is everything ok?" My dad questions 

"Of course dad, everything is fine. I've just been feeling a little off in the mornings lately but everything is fine." I reassure them

It's not that we don't want to tell my parents we just wanted to wait a little longer to make sure everything was ok first. Thanks to my morning sickness and their invite to breakfast it's looking like we may not be able to wait that long. Blake gives me a look that tells me to go ahead and tell them, they are worried. Before I can begin though my mom blurts out....

"Oh my goodness! Your pregnant again aren't you?" 

I look at Blake who squeezes my thigh reassuring me that it's ok. 

"Well we were planning to wait to tell you but yes Blake and I are having our first baby together." I answer a now grinning mom

She instantly stands up running over to Blake and giving him a huge hug.

"What is this? You give him a hug first too. Since when am I second to everyone?" I joke

"Zuma hugged me first when we told the kids" Blake informs them with a smile on his face. 

"Well honey this is Blake's first and we are so grateful to him for what he has done for you and the boys!" My mom answers

"You get my first hug honey, congratulations honey." My dad says wrapping his arms around me. 

"Thanks dad."


	7. OK

I open the huge door and am hit by my favorite smell, pine and outside, the smell of my cowboy. 

"Sunshine we aren't moving here ya know" Blake says lugging two of my three suitcases

"I know but I never know what I'm gonna need, plus we are going to ur concert and I want to look good" I say following him into our room.

Wow I get to say our room I love the sound of that! He pulls me into him and kisses me soft but filled with meaning. 

"How many times do I have to tell you that you could wear a trash bag and still be the most beautiful person there!" 

I blush at his declaration. Before Blake I never thought of myself as beautiful. To me beauty was achieved with makeup and fashion. It had nothing to do with what's underneath all of. But Blake has slowly but surely made me realize that beauty is what we say it is and as long as we feel beautiful then we are beautiful. When I'm with Blake I feel beautiful. 

I'm 3 and half months pregnant and I have a bump now. It's small and says with cloths it's not noticeable yet but I feel like I'm huge already. Pregnancy does that to people. Makes you feel like a huge but the everyone else you look the same. This trip was planned because we need to tell his family and my brother and his wife. It was hard keeping it from them but we wanted them to come and surprise them at the same time. 

I can't believe the boys haven't spilled the news but we have reminded everyday that it is a secret. We usually get the "we know don't tell anyone about the baby" response but it's kept them from telling so far. 

"Gwen..... Earth to Gwen" Blake calls

"I zoned out again didn't I" 

"Yeah but I think it's cute when ur thinking"

"You spoil me ya know" I say while I wrap my arms around his waist while pressing my cheek into his chest.

"I only speak the truth sunshine" 

We stand there in each other's arms for what felt like seconds but had to have been minuets as we hear feet running towards our room. 

"Mom! Blake!" Both boys yell coming in the room followed by Stella

"Mom can we go fishing pleeeeeease???" King begs 

As much as I want to give in we all need to get ready to go to Blake's moms house for dinner with everyone. We are going to tell them tonight since everyone is gonna be there including Blake's sister Endy and her family.

"Not tonight kiddos we have to get ready for family dinner" Blake explains

"Awwwwww" the kids all say in unison 

"But I promise we will do some fishing before we go home." Blake ensures

They run out of the room and I yell after them to get changed and shoes on.  
Blake pulls me right back into his arms and mine snake around his back. I look up at him and smile at the sight of his huge grin. 

"Cowboy I love your smile. But what's got you so happy?" 

"You. The boys. Our baby." He says pulling back to put a hand on my baby bump.

"Let's get ready to make our families so excited"

"Ok cowboy. I love you!" I say planting a soft peck on his lips

"I love you more than words sunshine!"  
...............................................................................................................................................  
We pull into the driveway of Blake's moms house and the nerves are high. I don't know why I'm so nervous. I know they are going to be happy about it but there is that small part of me that thinks they will be upset that I'm the one he is starting a family with. Blake squeezes my hand because of course he reads me and knows I'm nervous. He is always there reminding me that I'm not in this alone, like in my past relationships. My cowboy supports me and goes through every chapter with me instead of beside me. 

We all get out of the car and the kids go running inside probably to find Endy's kids. We walk up to the porch behind Jen and Todd. 

"Go ahead in guys we will be in soon." Blake tells them before sitting in the chair and pulling me into his lap.

"Sunshine, what's going through you head? What are you thinking? I can tell your nervous. And believe me you have nothing to be nervous about. They are all going to be so excited." 

"I know, I know they are going to be excited about the baby its just..." I trail off

"What sunshine? Tell me what's going on."

"What if they are upset that it's me you having a baby with. It's one thing for them to be accepting of us. Having a baby is a whole other level." I say looking down at my hands

Blake grabs my chin making me look at him. 

"Gwen they love you. I can't think of a conversation I have had with them since they meet you, where they haven't asked about you or told me how perfect you are for me. They are going to be happy about all of it trust me honey." 

He bends down and places a kiss on my forehead. I lean into it and close my eyes. He knows exactly what I need when I need it. Finally feeling ready we head in to dinner and ready to share our big secrete.  
...............................................................................................................................................  
After the best dinner and best night we finally crawl in bed. He lifts his arms for me and I wiggle into him placing my head on his chest. This is the one place in the world where I totally relax and feel like nothing can stop us. 

"I told you they were going to be beyond excited about the baby" he says to me 

"I'm so happy they are excited. I feel like we can relax now because everyone knows now. I can't believe your mom and sister cried so much!" 

"They know how much I wanted kids and I talked to them regularly about the fights Miranda and I had about it. They also see how happy and content you make me. I finally found my other half. My forever." 

I sigh and snuggle into him as close as we can get even though I know we can't get close enough to ever be enough. I close my eyes as sleep over takes me. I dream of a little curly hair baby with Blake's blue eyes. I couldnt be any more content with life than I am right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure how good this chapter is I was having a hard time writing this one but have good ideas for the next one...so bare with me if you don't like this chapter


	8. Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen doubts

"We love you boys see you tomorrow" I yell as we leave the house to head to Blake's show

The boys are staying with Blake's mom and sister, and the nanny. Todd, Jen, and I are going to watch Blake perform. It's a festival so there are other artists there to. Someone must of thought it was funny putting Miranda right after Blake. I could tell he was worried about seeing her and he almost cried asking me to come. I wouldn't have dreamed of saying no, but seeing him so scared broke my heart! 

"Gwen I'm so happy for you I have never seen you so happy. You are literally glowing. How are you feeling? Anymore morning sickness?" Jen started 

"No it's finally gone away. I was starting to worry cause I was starting to loose weight." I reply

"Yeah that is scary. Even though Blake has been making you eat, you still don't have any room to loose anything especially being pregnant."

"I know and it's already high risk. So I can't do anything to cause problems. I haven't really talked to Blake about the high risk part. He gets so worried. I can't make him worried because then I worry and I'm not suppose to."

"Yeah but Gwen he has a right to know. You don't want to just spring the idea on him if heaven forbid there be a complication. He needs to know." 

"I know. I'll tell him but I need us to be alone for that. I need him to be focused so I can convince him all is good right now."  
...............................................................................................................................................  
I try to brush off the talk I had with Jen right now I just want to watch my man do his thing. 

"Show time sunshine" he says kissing me soft on the lips with a hug

"Good luck cowboy!" I say not wanting to let go but knowing I have to

The two of us women stay in the tent until he gets ready and set up, then we make our way to the stage. So we sit and have a quick planning session of when we would go get our nails done after we go back to LA. Little did we know that was going to be a big mistake. We didn't know that by waiting we would run into her. 

"Well hello there. Guess we were bound to run into each other soon enough. I'm surprised you two have lasted this long. You are not exactly, the right type of women for Blake. But I know he will wake up and see that sooner or later." Miranda hissed

"Hi Miranda. Blake and I are just fine. Now if you'll pardon me I'm gonna go watch the show." I say look right at her instead of doing what I felt like which was to agree with her.

I start to walk past her but she steps back in front of me. No one outside of our family has noticed I'm pregnant even though there is a little baby bump there, so what she says next spins my world.

"Oh my god your knocked up aren't you. That bastard. He knocked you up. That's why your still together." She says while laughing

"Yes I'm having his baby, but get this straight. He didn't knock me up. He made loved to me and I got pregnant. Blake loves me and this baby more than he ever loved you."  
I said pushing past her. 

Jen was following behind me. When we reached the side of the stage, Jen asked me if I was ok and I blew her off. If I talked about it right now I would cry and that wasn't fair to Blake this is his show its about him. We watch most of the show but toward the end my back started to hurt so we went back to his tent where I laid down on the couch. 

When I heard him say his final goodbye to the crowd I put my shoes on and made my way toward the stage exit and what I see stops me dead in my tracks. Was I seeing things right? He wasn't really hugging her right? How could this be happening? She was plastered up against his chest crying her eyes out. I turn and ran to the bathrooms. I knew he had a signing to go to after the concert so I stayed in the bathroom until he left for that.

"Gwen there you are Blake was looking for you but he had to go to the meet and greet. " Jen said concern in her eyes

"Jen get our stuff. We are leaving."  
"but Blake has his signing did you forget?"she answers

"Quite frankly I don't care what he has we are leaving I already called an uber, the nanny, and the Tarmac. We are leaving and going back to LA right now." I said with a flat unfeeling tone.

"Gwen what's wrong? WhAts going on?"

"For once in my life I'm listening to my gut instead of my heart Jen just trust me." 

We left and we stopped to pick the kids up. I didn't get out of the car. I couldn't go in there knowing we just told them how happy we were and now come in saying we are leaving without him and without his knowledge. My mind is spinning as tears fall down my face. Jen gets in and sees them but doesn't question me. She knows something happened but she also knows I'll tell her when I'm ready. 

Once we get to the Tarmac and while our bags are being loaded on the plane I hear bits and pieces of the conversation she has with Todd.

"Yes I said we are flying to LA.....I don't know why she won't tell me.... You better tell him if this is his fault I'm gonna kill him.. No we aren't waiting...no Todd I cant and I won't she is upset and she isn't supposed to have stress so I'm not adding to it.....I'm hanging up now just tell him we are leaving." She walks back over to where we are sitting my face buried in Apollo's hair. 

"Alright they are ready for us to board." She grabs my arm as I follow the kids past her. "Are you sure this is what you want to do? Run?" 

"Yeah I am" that's all I can get out without breaking down into sobs. She lets my arm go as we all board the plane and Zuma asks...

"Mom Blake's not coming?" 

"No he has to finish here first buddy." 

Zuma excepts that but King knows me to well. He walks over and sits beside me.

"Is Blake the reason we are leaving? Did he hurt you too?" 

"I just need some space right now King. Everything is gonna be ok. Alright?"

"Ok mom. I love you!"

"I love you too King."   
...............................................................................................................................................  
If I had been there when he came back from his signing, I would has seen his face fall when he enters his tent and I'm not there. I would see him turn to Todd worry in his eyes. I would see the confusion then tears fall from his eyes as Todd tells him that I took the kids home to LA. I would have seen him pick up his phone and call me thinking Todd had to be lying. I would have seen him sit and think about why I would leave. I would see the tears become sobs as he realized I saw him hugging Miranda. I would see on his face when he realizes what I must have thought. 

I would have seen my brother walk over and ask him what happened. I would have seen him fall to pieces again while he tells him about the hug. I would have heard my brother say "dammit Blake you know she is fragile, you know she is pregnant! And after what Miranda said to her before the show I'm surprised she stayed then." I would have heard him ask what Miranda said to me. I would have seen the sheer look of terror, fear, and heartbreak take over his face. 

I would have seen him grab his coat and keys. I would have seen Todd stop him and tell him he already got them approved to leave in an hour. And I would have seen my huge cowboy sit down and sob to the point of exhaustion. I would see him drag himself to the plane and pass out from all the hell he had been through in one day.  
...............................................................................................................................................  
He is persistent. I'll give him that. I probably had 50 calls from the time Todd dropped him off to the time he got to my house to get Jen and Stella. I had ignored all of them. When Todd came he, he looked at me and said...

"Sis can I talk to you please?"

"I don't want to talk about it right now" my phone continuing to ring. 

"Well then you at least need to listen to me. I don't want to do this in front of the kids but I will if I have to."

I'm fuming. I follow but fumes are literally coming out of my ears. This has been such a draining day from pure happiness to hurt to sad and the only thing I have left is anger. I'm not mad at Blake probably because I know that he wasn't doing that out of affection. He was being a friend but I am mad at her. 

"Sis I know what you saw and I'm sure of what you thought. But what you didn't see was that man literally shatter into a million pieces. You didn't see him sob until he fell asleep. Gwen he is not Gavin and you can't make him pay for what Gavin did to you! He loves you more than life itself. A blind man can see that. Just talk to him sis. Your both miserable so stop this craziness." 

He left my room before I could say anything, not that I was going to. He was right and I knew it. Tears started pouring down my face. They fell because I was still hurt for what my ex did, they fell because the sight of Blake holding another women hurt, and they fell because the only thing that was gonna make me feel better was Blake.


	9. Fixing it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Make up sex is the best!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It gets graphic just to forewarn you

I sat on my bed tears pouring from my eyes. What did I do. I really screwed things up. I'm having his baby for goodness sake I don't get to just walk away even if I wanted to, which is the farthest thing from what I want to do. 

All I want right now is to melt into his arms while I fall apart because of what I've been through, because of what it makes me do. The realization that I hurt him makes me cry even harder. I lay down on my side a looking out the window while the tears pour out of my eyes.

"Gwen are you ok? I'm gonna put the boys to bed ok." Jen says quietly 

"Ok" that's all I can get out between sobs.

I'm crying so hard I literally shake. Just as I start to slow down, I remember something else he would do to calm me down and I sob even harder. I roll over to get my phone to call him. I can't take this anymore,but when I roll over I see him in the door way. 

"Blake what are you doing here? How did you get in?" I say as I sit up and move to the edge of the bed. 

He takes a step into my room. He looks like hell. I cry harder at the sight of my cowboy broken, it hurts me more to know that I caused him to look like this. He takes a step toward me and then seems to realize what he was doing and stepped back. 

"Gwen I'm sorry. What she said to you, what you thought I did." He pauses "I promised myself I would never be the reason for your tears and hear you are tears running down you face because of me. I'm so sorry Gwen." He looks down at his feet shoulders slumped forward.

"You have nothing to be sorry about. It's me that screwed everything up. Blake the way she talked to me before the show and how she figured out I'm pregnant." I cringe but then I feel his hand on my arm. "She said things I've been scared would be true. Scared your gonna wake up and see we don't fit together. Scared your gonna leave." Now I'm looking down at my feet. 

Next thing I know I'm home. His arms are wrapped around me making me feel safe. Making the rest of the world disappear. I fall apart completely. I'm sobbing so loud I'm scared the boys will hear but I can't make it stop. I feel tears running down from his face but he never lets go of me. Finally tears dwindle and I'm left looking like a mess in my cowboys arms. 

He finally pulls me back to look at my face. I see the pain in his eyes but something else too. I realize it's free, and I understand that he still thinks I'm leaving home. I suddenly need to reassure him that I'm not going anywhere. 

"Gwen, please don't....."

"Blake let me talk first. I know what I saw but I know it wasn't like that for you. For her it was like that but you were just being a good friend. I'm so sorry I let my emotions get the best of me. I'm sorry for hurting you, and I'm sorry for running. All I wanted the whole time was you. Nothing else was gonna make me feel ok again. I need you Blake! I love you!" Tears are trailing down my cheeks again. 

He reaches up with his thumb and wipes them away. 

"Gwen when I realized you were gone the terrible feeling I had, for those weeks before you, was back. I can't live with that feeling. I love you and I've told you I'm not going anywhere but I need to know that you won't run again. We need to support each other in times that are hard not run from each other. I can't handle you leaving. And I can't live with the fear that your gonna run."

"Blake I promise you this won't happen again. I can't handle being away from you. I have a lot of issues to work through still but I want to work through them with you. I need you by my side forever. Please Blake I'm sorry!" 

At that minute his lips smash into mine and I know we are going to be ok. I moan when he forces his tongue in my mouth and down my throat. There is a passion a need behind his kiss. I return his passion by starting the dance of our tongues. When I feel like I could ever get enough of this make out session he moves his kisses to my ear. As he nibbles and pulls on my ears I let out yet another moan. It feel so good. I'm dripping already he picks me up and suddenly he is on top of me getting rid of my pants. When my pant are strayed across the floor he shoves to figures into me. 

"Damn sunshine you always so fucking wet form me." 

With my belly growing we have started trying other ways than just the normal position. I pull him to the bed and he gets on his back. I straddle him on my knee. He positions himself at my entrance. I slide all the way down and sit there for a minute. I love the feeling of him inside me, I want it to last as long as possible. I take up a slow grind. He starts to thrust up to quicken the pass, but being on top has made me a little more daring. So I grab his hips and hold them to the bed. 

"Damn sunshine are you trying to kill me? Please just a little faster."

"Not yet. I like watching you squirm." I say with a devil smile. 

I continue this slow pace for a while long. The need begins to take over the will to be the dominant one. I pick up the past gradually, still try to hold the end off as long as we can stand. But again need out ways want. He begins thrusting up to meet my down. He reach his hand down and begins playing my clit. 

"Come for me sunshine" 

That's all it takes, I can't hold it off anymore. I explode straddling him. As I pulse around him I feel him begin to explode as his seed shoots into me. I milk every last drop from him before I let him leave me. We lay there my head on his chest my belly against his side. He hadn't bothered to move other than to wrap his arms around me. 

"Gwen?"

"Yes cowboy."

" I'm NEVER going anywhere. The only place I belong is with you, I promise!" 

"I know Blake. I'm sorry for letting my emotions get the best of me and forgetting that."

I love you Gwen." 

"I love you too Blake"


	10. Permission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (This chapter is from Blake's point of view there wasn't anyway to write this part from Gwen's point of view)

"Hey sunshine" I turn to Gwen one afternoon when we were on the couch legs intertwined answer emails.

"What's up cowboy?"

"I was thinking, since we have the baby coming, there are going to be times when your gonna be wrapped up with the baby and ....."

"And what cowboy? You worried I won't have time for you? I'll alway have time for you cowboy." She says scooting close enough to place a soft kiss on my lips.

"Well actually I was thinking that the boys may need a break if it's a particularly crazy day or if they are crazy and need to get out."

"Cowboy spit it out. What's up?" She says with a confused worried look. 

"I was wondering if I could take the boys out for a boys day like just me and them?" 

"That's what you want to ask? I thought it was something bad." She says laughing

"Of course you guys can have boys day but are you sure you want to take Apollo?"

"Giggles? Yeah I want to take giggles. He is one of my boys!" 

"Cowboy. Have I ever told you how much I love you?" She says moving closer straddling my lap.

"Hmm, yes but maybe you could show me?"

She starts to kiss me and I immediately deepen the kiss. She starts grinding on my lap with my dick growing harder by the millisecond. Her hands move to my zipper as she releases my already rock hard member. Just then we hear the keys in the door. It's Gwen's dad bringing the boys home from school. I've never seen a more terrified look on Gwen's face while we try to put my hard members away before we scar three little boys to death and make her dad hate me. 

Just as I get the zipper all the way closed Zuma comes bounding into the room followed by King and her dad holding Apollo. Zuma jumps in my lap an I cringe a second and see Gwen mouth sorry. 

"Blake in school today we learned about Indians! Indians and Cowboys like you! It was so cool cause I told all my friends that my step dad is a real cowboy! " 

"That awesome Zuma but your mom and I aren't married or engaged. So I'm not really you step dad unless that's what you want to call me."

"Not yet but you guys will be." He yells as he bounds down the hall.  

He sounded so sure Gwen shot me a questioning look but I just threw my hands up. Smart kid but I barely asked Gwen about boys day much less talked to them about asking Gwen.  

"Thanks dad. Forgetting the boys we had so many emails to catch up on." 

"Anytime sweetie. Mom said to tell you guys dinner at our house Sunday. So I'll see you Sunday everybody."

"Ok thanks Dennis. I'll walk ya out." 

Gwen gives me a suspicious look but I pretend not to notice and follow Dennis to the door. 

"Dennis I'm taking the boys Saturday for a boys day. Did you want to meet us for dinner? I'm gonna ask Todd to come to."

"Yeah I would like that! Just let me know where and when." 

"Alright see ya Saturday!" 

I head back in the living room to a sight that never gets old. My favorite three boys and their pregnant mom. King was telling Gwen about something that happened at school. When he finished I took my chance.

"Boys how would you guys like to go on a hike Saturday just us guys?" 

"What about mom?" King asked he was always concerned and protective of his mom. 

"I'm gonna stay home bud and sleep in, maybe get my nails done and have a girl day." Gwen said giving him a reassuring look.

"Maybe the baby will be a girl, so you don't have to do it by yourself anymore." Zuma steps in.  
...............................................................................................................................................

Saturday's here. I wake up to the alarm going off telling me to get up for boys day. Without opening her eyes Gwen groans and says don't leave yet. How am I supposed to deny her. So I set the alarm for 15 more minutes and cradle her once again. I place my free hand on her ever growing belly. We aren't gonna be able to keep it a secret from the world much longer and quite frankly I'm surprised Miranda hasn't leaked it. She is a bitch and does everything she can think of to hurt other people if it means getting a leg up. 

"Sunshine, I love you" 

She raises her head looking at me. I can see the love in her eyes even before she answers...

"I love you to babe." 

Suddenly a look of pain crosses her face as she makes and oh sound. Fear instantly takes over me. A million thoughts run through my mind, none a good thing. 

"Gwen are you ok? What happened?" 

"I'm fine babe. It's just the first time I've been able to feel the baby move like that. I forgot how crazy that felt."

"You felt it move?" My voice laced with excitement. I never thought I was going to have a baby of my own and when Gwen and I found each other I felt like the luckiest man alive to have gotten three boys. Now I know I'm the luckiest man alive as the Gwen Stefani feels OUR baby move for the first time.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
Apollo is sitting on my shoulders as the two older boys run ahead of us. The sun is shining and it's the perfect day for our hike. Not much further until we reach the top of the hill where we will hangout for a while before heading down for dinner with Todd and Dennis. I'm not nervous to ask them, I know they have seen how happy Gwen has been with me, and how happy she has made me. The boys on the other hand, they have been through a lot. They love their dad and I don't want them thinking I'm trying to replace him. I just want them to know that for them it only means that I'm gonna be there for them and their mom forever. 

"We made it!" Zuma yells 

"We make it!!" Apollo yells clapping his hands

I spread out the blanket Gwen packed for us. I also unpack the snacks I had gotten. 

"Boys come sit down. I have snacks and I want to talk to you guys." I tell them

"Snack!" All the boys yell in unison as they run to sit on the blanket.

"Boys you know I love you guys and you know I love your mom, right?" 

"Yeah" the two older boys answer while Apollo is eating his snack looking all around

"I want you know it's never my intention to replace your dad. I know you love him and he will always be your dad. I'm just here as an extra person you guys can count on. I love you mom a whole lot. I want to marry her one day, but before that happens I want to make sure it's ok with you boys if your mom and I get married. I don't want you guys to feel uncomfortable or hate me if I marry her." 

"I told you you guys were gonna get married! People who love each other do that and believe me mom loves you!" Zuma says

"King how do you feel about me asking your mom to marry me?"

"Blake mom has never been happier than I have seen her with you. I want my mom happy forever. Seeing her so sad made me sad and I never want to see her sad again." Kingston answered. 

"Buddy that's all I want too!"


	11. Surprise baby shower

Having our whole little family on Blake's ranch makes me feel like we have the perfect life. Waking up to the beautiful sunrise and a hot cup of tea is the most peaceful thing ever. As much as I love LA, I'm beginning to love this place more. Some day I'm bring the whole family here, mom and dad too! 

"There you are sunshine. I woke up and you were gone, thought you had run away." 

"Never." I say standing up so he can sit down. 

I sit back down in his lap as his arms snake around my expanding belly. We decided after this trip we weren't gonna hide it anymore. It's getting to hard. I'm 5 months pregnant now and all baby. Sweatshirts, even Blake's, aren't hiding it well anymore. I perfectly fine with everyone know, Blake is just nervous about what they will say and how it will effect me. He is so protective over me especially since we talked with the Doctor about the risks because of my age. I wanted him to hear it from her so she could answer his questions. He is a smart guy. He doesn't always show that but I knew he would have questions that he needed to have answered by a doctor. 

"Hey we need to talk before the ultrasound next week. Do we want to know the gender if they can find it this time? I know you had mixed feelings last time." I ask him

"I think we should. I want you to be able to decorate the nursery the way you want. I know your dying to buy cloths too." He answered

" Blake I don't want you do pick based on what I want, I want it to be what you want."

"Gwen what you want and what I want are the same things. I want you to be happy. I can wait or we can find out." 

"So we are finding out?"

"We are."

"Eeeekkk" comes from me as I twist and kiss my cowboy.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
Blake and I left the boys with the nanny and Blake's mom, while we went shopping for baby furniture for the ranch. We could get the furniture without knowing the gender we just couldn't buy the bedding and accessories. I found some there that I loved for the LA house too. So Blake had them ship it there next week so we would be home to get it in and set it up. 

I'm to the point where I get tired after a few hours on my feet so we made our way back to the truck and Blake started the drive back to the ranch. When we got there the boys were throwing football in the yard and Apollo was sitting in Dots lap. As soon as I got out there were arms wrapping around my waist and leg. They flocked to Blake next, him  pretending fall because of the hard hit. They all fell into a heap laughing and squealing. 

"Ok boys lets head inside wash up and have some chill time before dinner." I tell them, Apollo needed a nap before dinner. 

When we open the door the curtains are drawn and the lights are out. Without thinking about it I just walk over and turn the light on. 

"SURPRISE!!!!!" 

There is like twenty people in our living room. A diaper tower and a table full of wrapped presents. My sister, my mom, my dad, Todd, Jen, Pharell, Adam, Behati, and a bunch of our other friends from LA. Tears started pouring down my face. I hadn't expected this. I never expected to have some of these people that I loved so much at the ranch. Blake came up behind me and I turned around a fell apart in his arms.  To know that he would get all of these people here and that they would all come out of their comfort zones to throw a baby shower for me. I was blown away. I still struggled some with that senses of unworthiness left by Gavin. It's no where near as bad thanks to Blake but Gavin had never been this caring or excited about me having anyone of our boys. 

"Sunshine don't cry this is supposed to be a happy thing. Excuse us for a second." He says as he pulls us into the huge walk in closet. 

"Hey baby girl tell me what's going on?" He says while he backs up and holds my chin to make me look at him. 

"It's just Gavin never did this or anything like this for more or our boys. I had family baby showers with the boys that my mom planed with my help. But this Blake you have no idea what it means to me." I say tear still streaming down my face

"You deserve this and more Gwen" he said pulling me into his embrace until I was able to gather myself. 

We went out and had the best time. Games, presents, and food. It was everything I had dreamed of when I was pregnant with Kingston. By the end of the night Blake had put the boys to bed and all the adults were in the family room chatting up a storm about anything and everything. Everyone had wine but me of course and before I know what's happening Blake pulls me up off the couch and over to the fireplace. 

"Everyone I'd like to purpose a toast to this beautiful, amazing, loving women I'm lucky enough to call mine" everyone raised their glass and took a swallow. I never saw Blake pull the box from his pocket but as he began to take a knee....

"Blake what are you doing?" 

"Sunshine your my world. The boys our boys are my world. You have given me life again. You have showed me real love does exist. That the world isn't all bad. When I feel the world crumbling and I look in your eyes I know it will all be ok. I love you more than air it's self and I need you more that air. Will you marry me?" 

I stood there shock on my face trying to process if he was really asking me to marry him? I look to my mom and they are smiling waiting for my answer too. I feel everything I have eaten that night coming back up. I runout of the room to the bathroom leaving everyone shocked. I throw up one twice three times when I hear a knock at the door. 

"Sweetie are you ok?" Jen ask "can I come in?"

"Yeah" I answer

"Gwen what happened out there?" 

"I don't know, I wasn't prepared for him to ask me that. Like it never accrued to me he would ever ask that."

"Gwen he loves you! He did this hole baby shower. He set up the flights and travel for everyone. Your having his baby and you didn't think he was gonna ask you to marry him? He loves you to death and from the looks of it you love him too." 

"I really do love him. I was shocked but I love him. I want nothing more than to be his wife!" I tell her

"We'll get out there and tell him!" 

I ran out there to him but he wasn't there. I look to Adam who with the worst glare there ever was told me he went out the back door. I ran out after him looking frantically for him. I found him leaning up against the fence by the lake. I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding. I walk down to him my arm touching his. He took a step to the side to avoid the touching. He had never pulled away from me before it was always to me. 

Tears started dripping down my face. We stood there for what felt like a life time. 

"Blake please say something?"

"Gwen what do I say? I have done everything I know to show you that I love you. I thought that we were meant to be. Everything about us together is perfect. You have brought out the best in me, your smile turns a bad day into the best day, your having my baby. I guess marrying you would have been to good to be true."

I reach over to him and turn his face to look at me. Holding his face in my hands.

"Blake you saved me from the depths of the despair. I never would have gotten out of that place if it hadn't been for you. You have showed my boys what a real man should be. You have showed them a house full of love and happiness. You have loved me the way I have always wanted to be loved. I wasn't saying no. I was shocked and being pregnant my first reaction was to clam up and throw up. But Blake I want nothing more than to marry you. I want you by my side everyday from here on out, if you still want me." This time it's me stepping back and looking away. 

He is silent for a minute while tears fall down my face. He reaches over and pulls me into him. I shrink into his chest. The only place I feel like home. 

"Baby girl your all I have wanted my whole life."


	12. Boy or girl?

It's been a week since the baby shower and the engagement. We are back in LA and the boys had to go back to their dads house. It's probably a good thing they went to their dads, cause Blake has had ants in his pants all day waiting for this appointment. He had a concert to do during every other ultrasound so this will be his first one, and excited is not even strong enough to describe his emotion. 

I remember being this way with the first one when I was pregnant with King. Gavin on the other hand was to busy to be excited. He was barely there, answer the phone and emailing almost the whole time! I was so hurt and upset with him! It was one of my first tastes of the real Gavin. Gives me goosebumps to even think about it. 

He loves the boys now but babies not so much. They were so attached to me by the time he was comfortable around them that it only made him more angry. Thankful now the two oldest ones are equally attached to us which makes the split living easier on them. Poor pollo breaks my heart every time I have to drop him off blood curdling screaming my name as I leave. It never fails I cry. 

"Gwen, Gwen? Are you ok?" Blake asked worry etched into his face as we pull into a parking spot. 

"I'm fine just got lost thinking that's all." I brush off

"It's wasn't nothing though. Tears don't just fall at nothing. Let me in sunshine." 

"I was thinking about Apollo screaming my name when I leave and how I walk away. How my three babies where ripped out of my hands because he couldn't keep it in his pants......"..I quiet and look down...."how I pray that never happens with this baby" 

"Baby I'm right here. We are gonna be a family forever and this baby will always have its mom AND dad with it. I promise" he says as he leans over for a kiss. 

I lean in and deepen the kiss. He always knows exactly what I need when I need it. It's like he knows me better than I know myself. It reminds me that everything I had to go through to get to him was worth it, even if it nearly killed me. 

"Are you ready to go find out what color to paint the nursery?" Blake asks with a patient smile.

"Never been more ready cowboy."   
...............................................................................................................................................  
We begin walking into the office and Blake takes my hand. I lead him to the front desk to check in. Then we take our seat and wait. The way Blake is playing with my fingers I know he is nervous. I squeeze his hand trying to reassure him. We are called back to the room and tech begins the ultrasound. 

"Is this your first?" She asks smiling at us. 

"It's his first but my fourth" I tell her. 

"Well dad are you ready to here your babies heart beat?" The tech asks

"Never been more ready" Blake answer with a hint of emotion that only I could tell.

Just as we begin to hear the little beating of our babies heart, I look to Blake. He has a smile that stretches across his whole face and the tears are pouring down his face. Seeing him so happy I feel my eyes fill and my heart swell. This is how it's supposed to be. Two people beyond ecstatic to hear their first babies heart beat. I mark this in my head as one of the best moments in my life. I couldn't be any happier than I am right now and I pull my cowboy down for a kiss. Once again the rest of the world disappears when his lips hit mine. It takes all I have to push him up so we don't embarrass the tech. 

"Are we looking for gender today?" She asks us 

"Yes" we say in unison looking at each other. 

We sit waiting as she moves the prob around on my baby bump. Blake is nothing but nerves as he squeezes my hand. Either way we will be happy but I know secretly we both hope it's a girl. I mean we have three boys all that's missing is a lil girl. But we talked about it earlier saying we would be beyond happy no matter what our miracle is. 

"And it looks like a.........." 

We are literally about to crumble in anticipation. 

"Congratulations on a baby ....girl" she tells us. 

That's all it takes we are sobbing with joy. Blake's head is on my chest tears soaking my tank. I hold his head with both my hands. To think that God has given us not only the gift of each other but also of our baby girl is beyond our wildest dreams.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
We get to the car and just sit there. The biggest smiles on our faces. I look over at Blake and again see the tears pouring down his face. I reach over and take his hand causing him to turn to me. 

"Gwen is this all really happening? Are you really mine? I'm I really gonna be a dad of a baby girl?" Blake asked with the tears continuing to stream down his face.

"Cowboy this is definitely happening. I'm yours for the rest of our lives! And yes you are going to be the dad of a baby girl! We have both been through hell to get here, but I would go through it again if it meant being with you! I love you cowboy!" 

He leans in and his lips touch mine. Soft at first sweet but the heat rapidly builds and it turns into a full make out session with tongue. Its only when my phone rings that we part. I smile at him with my self conscious smile, as I practically jumped him in the parking lot of the gynecologist. 

"Gavin. Are the kids ok? .......Then what do you need?....really Gavin you fought for joint custody and now your gonna pick a show over them? ........They are your kids too! You know what Gavin it's not worth fighting with, I've done that enough. We will be there in thirty minutes. ......I had a doctors appointment so yes it will take me thirty minutes to get to you. ....Gavin just stop we are on our way. I'm hanging up now!" 

I let out a huge sigh all the sexual tension now gone as the unfriendly tension from my ex hangs in the air. I feel Blake's hand come to shoulder, then begin rubbing my back.

"Baby girl what's up? What did he say?" Blake said his voice calming me some already.

"Their label booked them a show in Vegas tomorrow and he wants us to take the boys. I want the boys don't get me wrong but they need their dad too. I see the hurt in Kings eyes every time he does something like this. It hurts to see him hurt." 

"I'm sorry sunshine but let's go get them. We have good news for them anyway!" 

"Yeah we do the best"  
...............................................................................................................................................   
We pull into Gavin's driveway. He hasn't seen my belly since he is always out when I pick up the boys. I have no complaints about that however I'm dreading him seeing it the first time. I don't know how he will react. With Gavin it depends on his mood as to how he reacts and from our phone conversation he isn't in a good one. I unbuckle my seatbelt and start to get out. A strong all to familiar hand reaches out and grabs my wrist. I turn back to see that worried look as he ask...

"Do you want me to walk up there with you?" 

I get back in and take his face in my hands. I pull him in for a kiss but tell him....

"I'm ok cowboy. He will only be more mad if you come up their me." 

I kiss him one more time as I get out of the car and head to the door to ring the bell.  
...............................................................................................................................................  
As I stand there waiting I hear his steps as he nears the door. I determine the only way to handle this is to act as though everything is normal. He opens the door and I step inside. 

"Are the boys ready? where is Apollo?" I ask

"Yes they are coming. He is....." Gavin starts as I see the realization hit him

His face goes from relaxed maybe even sad to that all to familiar look of pure rage. I brace myself the coming explosion. Instead he says nothing but turns and calls the boys. The boys including Apollo who is holding Kings hand come walking to me giving me a hug as they make their way our the door to the car. Just as I am about let out a sigh of relief and walk out the door he slams it shut.

"What the hell Gwen?" Gavin yells

" I don't know what you mean but keep your voice down the boys are right out there." 

Just as I am about to turn to grab the door handle I feel the wind and the impact.


	13. Self control

Just as I am about to turn to grab the door handle I feel the wind and the impact. His fist punches a hole in the wall right beside my face. I cringe and look at him half in disbelief and half in fear he might do it again but to me this time.

"How could you Gwen? How could you be so irresponsible and selfish? What do you think the boys are feeling knowing ur replacing them? That they aren't enough for you?" 

Tears are running down my face. He nearly hit me and now he is accusing me of being a bad mom. He always knows how to get to me, what buttons to push but I somehow find the will to stop the tears and compose myself.

"The boys know this baby isn't replacing them. They are just as excited as we are. And no it wasn't planned but it's also none of your damn business. Anything that I do with my life from the divorce on is none of your fucking business. I'm done with you thinking you control me cause you don't." 

I don't give him the chance to answer, I turn and walk out slamming the door behind me. Thankfully there is a bush blocking the view from the car. I stand there and let the tears fall. Part of me questions if what he said was true. Do the boys resent the baby? Do they think I'm replacing them? 

I shake my head and once again gather myself together trying not to show what turmoil my emotions are in. I walk to the car and get in. I can see Blake's expression fall as he reaches for my hand but doesn't say anything. The fact that he is so in tune with me pushes me over the edge. I sit there quiet with tears running down my face while Zuma excitedly tells Blake about the grass hopper he found at Gavin's. By the time we get home it's time for Apollo's nap and I can tell the boys are tired too, probably because there is no structure at Gavin's. So I put in a movie and tell the boys its chill time. Once the boys are settled, Blake grabs my hand and pulls me upstairs toward our room. As soon as the door is closed he pulls me into a hug and the tears start all over again.

"Shh baby, it's ok I got ya! Everything is gonna be ok! I'm right here and I'm never letting go!" Blake says rubbing my back while squeezing me tight. 

My tears slow, but I'm no where near ready to let go. 

"Gwen sunshine are you ready to tell me what happened?"

Still holding him tight I take a deep breath and begin.....

"He saw my belly and he flipped out. He said that I wasn't thinking about the boys. That I was being selfish and trying to replace them. The look on his face when he punch the wall... I knew he was gonna hit me. He literally punch a hole in the wall next to my face."

"He almost hit you?!?!? I'm gonna pummel his puny ass!!!" 

I could feel him tense and tighten his grip on me. I loved that he was possessive of me in a love and protective kind of way, rather than as his possession like my ex. I feel Blake move us to the bed to sit down. He drawls me into his lap,we are still holding each other but now I can see his face. I can see the rage, hate, fear, and even a hint of an I'm sorry.

"Gwen I'm sorry"

"What are you talking about cowboy?"

"I should have gone up there with you. I should have been there to protect you. I let you down and I'm truly sorry. I promise he will never get close enough to hurt you again."

"Blake it's not your fault. I told you to stay even though my gut was screaming to let you come. Promise me a few things..."

"Anything sunshine. Absolutely anything."

"First promise me you will come drop off and pick up the boys with me. Second promise me you won't hit him. We have to be the adults for the boys."

"I promise Gwen. Now, are you ok?" 

"Yeah I'm ok, just not ready to let go."

"Sunshine you hold on as long as you need to. I'm here. I'm gonna keep you and our family safe."  
...............................................................................................................................................  
That night we decide to cook spaghetti at home. Blake is a much better cook than he gets credit for. We sit down for dinner as a family and say grace. Apollo has grown up so much that I want to cry. Watching him feed himself with a spoon. I feel Blake's elbow and realize that I was staring and that everyone was quietly eating. I give Blake a smile letting him know it's ok. He asked if he could tell the boys. He was so cute asking I couldn't help but say yes.

"Boys, you know your mom and I went to the doctor today and guess what we found out?" 

"Did they tell you what the baby is!?!? Please say they did!?" King yelled

"Am I getting another brother!?! Or a sister!?! I want a sister for mommy." Zuma proclaimed 

"We did find out today! And boys your getting a baby sister!" Blake tells them

Both boys yell "yes" and run to me giving me a hug and kissing my belly. They are such sweet boys. I love that even though they hadn't had the most affectionate role model prior to Blake that they turned out to be more sensitive and affectionate like me. The smile on everyone's faces are huge. 

"Mom I have a question." Zuma says

"What's up honey?"

" The baby is a girl, does that mean she won't want to play cars and stuff with us?" 

" Aww Zums I'm sure she will still love to play cars with you. She just might like playing with dolls and stuff too." 

"Ok good cause I still want to play with her even if she is a girl." Zuma says proudly as my heart once again melts.

"Guy are you excited to have a baby sister?" Blake asks

"Yeah" all three boys answer


	14. Lunch with the Stefani's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys I've been fighting writers block but I'm getting there now

All the women are in the kitchen helping get dinner ready. It had taken us a month to get us all together again for dinner. My mom and dad had taken a vacation, Blake had shows and voice tapings, and I had a few meetings in New York for my fashion lines. So we have been waiting to tell everyone what we are having. Blake told his family when he stopped home after a show in Nashville. He begged me to let him tell them, he was literally bubbling over with the news. I didn't know when we would get out there together so I told him to FaceTime me when he was telling them. I still wanted too be apart of him sharing the news, I knew his mom was going to be so excited and I wanted to see her response. So here I am 6 months pregnant with our baby girl and helping cook dinner. The kids are out back playing and the men are manning the grill. 

"Gwen, how long are you gonna make us wait till you tell us?" Jenn asks 

"We will tell everyone when we sit down for dinner. Blake and I want to tell everyone together and you know it's easier to gather everyone when there is food."

"We are so excited honey! Your father has been worrying the stew out of me asking when your gonna tell us." Mom said

"I can't believe Blake has kept quiet this long. He has been busting at the seems wanting to tell everyone and Zuma is so excited he has been begging me to let him help get the room ready." 

"Do you guys have the room done?" Jenn asks

"We know what we want, well what I want Blake is leaving the decorating to me. He is gonna put it all together after we get the stuff. I didn't want to get the stuff in case it got out what we bought. After tonight we are going to get it all." 

"I'm so happy for you sweetie! You are happier than I have ever seen you. You are definitely glowing. And they boys they seem to be so happy as well. How are they doing not seeing Gavin as much?" Mom asked concern lacing her voice

"At first King had a hard time. Zuma even seemed a little down. Blake traveling less and permanently living with us has seemed to be the adjustment they needed." 

"I heard Apollo call Blake daddy. Is that new?" Jenn asked

"Yeah. King actually asked if he could call Blake dad when he is with us and after talking it over with him we decided it was ok. Since King started Zuma started and the lil guy does everything his brothers do." I laugh

"I think it's super sweet. How do u think Gavin will react when he finds out that they call him dad?" Jenn asked

"I don't know but if it helps our boys adjust then I really don't care what he thinks. When they are with us Blake is there dad and in my opinion a better dad at that." 

Just then I feel little arms wrap around my leg. I look down and see my baby boy squeezing my leg as hard as he can as Blake comes running through the door saying in a silly voice "I'm gonna get you". Apollo laughs and reaches up for me. I start to bend down to get him until I hear.......

"Gwen your not supposed to lift him remember. Let me hand him to ya. Come here giggles." Blake says giving me a stern look

I huff but relent. I had been having little contractions here and there. They are a normal part of pregnancy, however with my age and how early they have started the doctor ordered me to take it easy. Blake has made sure I have. He won't let me do anything. He cooks dinner, washes the cloths, and he hands Apollo to me so I'm not picking him up. I understand but not being able to pick my baby up is killing me. 

After Blake hands him to me, Apollo lays his head on my shoulder playing with my ear. I can tell he is tired and he should be since we were up every two hours. He is such a bad sleeper I don't know when we are ever gonna sleep once the baby is here. Blake tells us women the grilling is done and we all make our way to the big table out back to start our meal.

"Everyone, Gwen and I have an announcement before everyone disappears into their plate." Blake boomed and everyone laughed

"Blake and I are lucky to have three amazing little boys who mean the world to us. We didn't think we were gonna to be lucky enough grow our family so we were shocked to find out we were pregnant. We couldn't be more blessed or excited then we are now. So we want to let everyone know we are having a baby....."

"Girl" we both say together.

Everyone burst into tears, laughing, and smiles. Hugs were exchanged and everyone you gave us a congratulations. We all ate talking and sharing a good family lunch. After we finished up lunch and the rest of women finished up the dishes, while I sit on the deck in my husband-to-be's lap watching the kids play. 

"Gwen I can never thank you enough for what you have given me" Blake says

"You have given me everything I have ever dreamed of. The boys, you, and now you giving me a baby girl. What more could a man possibly ask for? I love you more than I could possibly tell you Gwen" He declares

Just as we are sitting there enjoying the view of our boys playing with their cousins, I feel it and wince at the pain. I lean forward trying to alleviate the pain some.

"Gwen, baby what wrong? Are you ok? Is everything ok?"

I grab his hand and place it on my ever growing belly and see his eyes light up as he feels our baby girl kicking. It doesn't matter how many times he has felt her moving, every time he tears up and has the look of a child in a candy store. It melts my heart every time. As the women finish up the clean up they trickle out to the deck and sit down with us. I'm getting so sleepy and I drift off to the sound of my family talking with my head resting on Blake's chest.


	15. To soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the gaps in updates this chapter was much easier to write but with school and such its been hard to find time to write. I will do my best to get this next chapter out to you sooner. Thank you so much for all the comments. They feed the desire I have to write.

I'm seven months pregnant now and huge. I still have two months to go and it can't come soon enough. I'm to the point in my pregnancy that I get so tired throughout the day, and I end up napping. As frustrating as it is at the end of a pregnancy, I absolutely love being pregnant. The feeling of the baby moving is one of the most amazing thing. 

We finally got all of her rooms together. The la room is pink and giraffes and her Oklahoma room is sunflowers. Blake's stepdad made us a cradle for to have in our room when we first bring her home.

"How are you feeling today sunshine? How is my lil girl today?" Blake asks wrapping his arms around me placing his has on my belly

"I'm feeling huge and our little girl is very active today"

About the time I felt her kick right where Blake's hand was.

"Wow she really is an active little thing." Blake pauses a minute but continues "Gwen what if....what... Never mind."

I turn around in his grasp to see his face. 

"Babe what is it?" 

I place my hands on his cheeks as I see the tears slowly drip down his face. Seeing my cowboy break literally kills me. He is always my rock and times when he breaks it's my turn to be the rock. The problem with that is seeing him break breaks me, but I hold it together knowing he needs me to. 

"Blake please tell me. What are these tears for?"

"What if I'm not good enough to be a dad? What if she doesn't like me? How do I know what to do when she cries?" 

"Babe, your going to be an amazing dad. You know how I know? Because you are an amazing stepdad to the boys. When Apollo cries or fusses your right there to sooth him. As far as liking you...Blake whenever she hears your voice or feels your hands, she goes crazy moving all around. So she already loves you. Your her dad babe and all little girls love their daddies!"

"You really think so? But how do you know what they need when they cry? What if I can't figure it out? I don't want to have to rely on someone all the time to take care of her, I'm her dad I want to know what to do."

"Babe it baffles me that you don't already see this. You do know what to do. How do you know what Apollo needs when he cries? He was still little when you came into our lives. It's called being a dad. I hate to tell you but you have the fatherly instinct, your a natural babe." 

He wraps me in a hug and I turn so I can lay my head on his chest. 

"I love you Gwen." 

" I love you cowboy." 

That's when our world comes to a grinding hult as it gushes apart. Fear. Anger. Protection. Tears. Unknown. Worry. Terror. All the things running through my mind. I freeze and stand there unmoving with a look of pure terror on my face.

"What the heck is leaking" oblivious Blake states

He must have turned and saw my face. Instantly his hand are on my face turning me to look at him tears now flowing down my face. 

"Gwen look at me what what's going on babe?" 

"My....my water broke Blake" get out right as I break into sobs falling into his arms as I feel my knees give out.

Blake slowly lowers me to the floor being sure to avoid the puddle at our feet. Once again he grabs my face..

"Gwen I'm getting the bag you have packed (thank God I was so excited that I had packed for the hospital) and the boys."

I grab his arm in shear fear of not wanting to be alone and because we read each other without words, he kisses my forehead before saying

"Gwen I'm not leaving. I have to get the bag and the boys so I can get you to the hospital. Okay. I'm not leaving you, I'll be right back." I shake my head knowing these things have to be done to get us to the hospital. 

"I thought we still had weeks till we got our sister Blake." I hear Zuma ask as the make their way down the steps, King following and Apollo in Blake's arms. 

"King can you help me?" 

He looks worried but puffs his chest out a little before saying yes. Blake hands him Apollo who fusses some but calms when Blake tells him he needs to be a big boy to help him take care of me. Next thing I know Blake is picking me up with the bag in tow and we all make our way to the car.

Blake is on the phone with Todd first filling him in and telling him to meet us at the hospital to get the boys. Blake tries to act nonchalant when I hear Todd say it's really early isn't it, my heart sinks. This is happening. Whether it was supposed to happen today or two months from now. It's happening. I hear my mom crying on the phone and hear the fear in her voice as she is yelling at my dad to wake up and put some pants on.  
Next thing I know Blake is getting the kids out and Jenn opens my door.

"Gwen things are gonna be ok. They have to be ok. We are praying. We love you guys, don't worry about the kids." I'm not sure if she is reassuring me or herself but she grabs my hand and says one more time, "Gwen everything is gonna be ok."

I smile at her just as she turns to a crying Apollo and takes him from Todd. Blake thanks them and tells them he will keep them updated. He walks over to me where I'm still sitting in the car. 

"Gwen talk to me baby. Your so quiet. Your scaring me babe."

"It's way to early Blake. She isn't ready yet Blake. We can't lose her Blake. We can't." I sob into his shirt.

"Gwen I don't know what's going to happen when we get in there but I do know one thing. You and I, together will get through this, ok." 

Just like always he words calm me. We walk hand in hand in the hospital to face the future we have no control over, but together we can face it.


	16. Heaven gives the world an angel but for how long

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tried to do a longer chapter. It hard writing long chapters for me, but this one is just shy or twice as long as my others hope you enjoy it.

Once we get inside and tell the receptionist what it going on, she makes a phone call to the back and a nurse comes right out and takes us to a room. We aren't paying attention to the stares or holy cows as we make our way to the room. Our fame, our status, our popularity, are the farthest thing from our minds. All we want to know is how our girl is doing and if she is going to be ok. Blake is being a rock but from the tightness of his grip on my hand, I know he is just as scared as I am. 

I never had anything like this happen with my boys. I mean my labor with Apollo was so quick since he was my third and so tiny. Thats one thing that has me scared. She is my fourth baby and early making her super tiny, so labor is gonna fly. The nurse hooks me up to all the monitors. As she tries to locate the heart beat, I grab Blake's hand and hold on for dear life. As she moves the probe around the tension in the room couldn't be any thicker. Just as we are about to explode from fear we hear that little thump thump. 

"There it is. Baby didn't want to cooperate with me there for a minute." The nurse giggles as she secures the monitors in place. 

Blake and release a breath we hadn't known we were holding. Blake's hand wrap around my belly and kisses the top before kiss my lips. Tears are falling down his face. We know that this doesn't mean she is going to remain ok but knowing that right now she is ok, we needed that. They tell me not to stress that it can make matters worst. How am I supposed to not stress, it's life or death for my baby. My baby girl. The one Blake and I thought wasn't possible. The baby that I cried over not being able to give Blake. The baby Miranda denied Blake. And quite frankly the baby my ex denied me. 

Growing up I pictured my family just as my parents. Two completely in love parents who stay together forever, with four kids to show for there love. Just as Blake always wanted kids and in the beginnings believed Miranda did too. Here we are with lives nothing like what we pictured. We never picture we would be divorced. We never pictured find new real love. We never pictured having a baby together. We never pictured being in the hospital two months early having our baby. 

We sit in silence waiting for the doctor. The silence isn't awkward, it's a thinking silence. You can almost hear the questions that are playing in our heads. Suddenly I feel that need that comes when I have been in physical contact with Blake in few minutes while sitting next to him. I reach out and grab his hand. Holding on to it for dear life as we continue to wait. He runs his other hand over my head before placing a kiss on my forehead. His forehead kisses are the best.

"Blake what if something happens to her? Are we gonna make it? You won't hate me will you? Because I wouldn't blame you but I don't think I could live without you babe."

" Gwen is this what's been running through your head this hole time? Sunshine what makes you think I would leave you if something happens to her? There is nothing, absolutely nothing Gwen that you could do that would make me hate you. I hate that you have so much self doubt, and no self worth. I promise you that I will spend the rest of my life showing you your worth Gwen. As for our baby" he says placing his free hand on my belly "but whatever does happen we will get through it, together." 

He kisses me soft and sweet as the doctor opens the door. She smiles as she walk in. 

"Well now I didn't expect to see you three here so soon. But the heart monitor is looking great. The only thing I'm concerned about here is you aren't contracting, which is odd since we have been dealing with them the whole pregnancy. So I think the plan should be to start you on some pitocin, and get this labor going." The doctor tells us

"Do u think she gonna be alright? I mean my due date isn't for two more months." I ask

"Well that's something we will have to see. But we deliver babies that are ten weeks younger than her and yes the spend a lot of time in the nicu, but they do relatively well. The thing to remember is that we have all the tools we need to take care of her."

That doesn't exactly reassure us she will be ok however it does give us the hope that if something is wrong they can help her. I look to Blake and he smiles putting his forehead on mine. 

"We can do this together sunshine. Soon we are gonna have a baby we never expected in our arms. You have made me the happiest man alive you know that right?" 

Tears running down my face, because those words can go both ways. He has saved me from the lowest of and brought me to the happiest I have ever been. I can speak as my emotions have my throat so I tilt my head up and kiss him. As we pull apart we hear a knock at the door and yell for them to come in.

"How are things going? Baby are you ok? Is the baby ok?" 

"Mom! Dad!" and like the emotional daughter I am I start bawling my eyes out the minute my mom wraps me in her arms.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
The pitocin is working its magic. My contractions are getting closer and closer together. The nurse has been in a few time to check on us and every time Blake asks her a million questions. Is the baby ok? Is the amount of pain I'm in normal? We learned that pitocin makes the contraction that much stronger so I'm in a lot more pain then with my other three. At first it made me concerned but the nurse said its normal. 

Blake is so cute when he is being protective. With every contraction he is right there with me doing his best to help through them. In between them the only comfortable position I can find is with my head resting on Blake's chest listening to the beating of his heart. My mom has been pacing the room with every contraction. My dad is "watching" the football game, but my subconscious seems him flinch with every moan or cry of pain that comes from my mouth. 

The contractions are coming almost back to back now and the doctor tells us it's time to meet our daughter. I begin losing it and Blake grabs my face palms to my cheeks.

"Gwen I'm right here and no matter what happens we can handle it together. I love you sunshine" he says

"I love you Blake" I tell him grabbing his hand.  
...............................................................................................................................................  
We watch them take our new baby girl straight to the warmer she isn't crying. I begin to panic.

"What isn't she crying? Is she ok?" I'm begging anyone to tell me

Blake is watching the nurses and doctors with our daughter but he keep moving a bit try to see what's happening without leaving me. I love that he is so protective of me even though all he wants to do is see his baby girl. Just then we hear it that small crying voice. Tears pour as relief hits the room. Blake is kissing my forehead as we both cry of relief. 

"Dad did you want to trim the cord?" One of the nurses asks 

"Im kinda clumsy. I don't want to hurt her." 

"You won't hurt her dad. Come trim it." The nurse tells him

I watch as Blake walks over to our baby girl. I ask my mom to take pictures of this. This is likely gonna be Blake's only baby and I want him to have these memories saved for the rest of his life. All I want is to be up out of this bed and to be with my man and new daughter. 

"Mom are you ready to hold your little girl?" The nurse asks

"Absolutely please" 

"Ok good. Her temperature is a lil low mom so we are gonna do skin to skin if your ok with that." The nurse instructs 

"I'm fine with whatever she needs. Is she ok? Is that normal to have a low temperature?"

"It is a common problem with our preterm babies. It's nothing to stress about we just need to make sure we help her keep her temperature at a normal level." The nurse instructs. 

She walks over with my baby girl and lays her skin to skin on my chest. It's the moment I have been looking forward to this whole pregnancy. Meeting my baby girl for the first time. Blake is beside me his arm wrapped around my neck and his other hand playing with her tiny little hand. When it's time to do her next temperature the nurse weighs her to. 

"She weighs 5.2lbs. She is a tiny little girl! And her temperature seems to be normal which means the skin to skin is working to help her. Dad did you want to hold her now? Or give her back to mom?" The nurse asks

"I want to hold her please" Blake says eagerly 

As the nurse works with Blake to put her skin to skin with him, I sit there in awe of my life. Never would I have thought I would be so blessed. Blake walks over and sits on the bed next to me holding our precious angel. Our miracle. I look at him with his goofy grin and let out a laugh. 

"What's so funny sunshine?"

"You my big cowboy holding our tiny daughter with the goofiest grin on ur face." I laugh

"Mom and dad what is babies name so I can fill out her birth certificate?" The nurse asks

We had decided earlier on a name for her but hadn't shared it as we wanted it to be a surprise.

"Adelaide Caprice Malaya Shelton" I tell her looking at my cowboy and our baby girl.

I could ask for more. Knowing our baby girl is going to be just fine is the best news I have had since hearing the same of my three monkeys. I'm in a moment of bliss and Blake kisses my forehead holding our tiny Adelaide.


	17. Family first finally!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all like it. I'm trying to make my chapters longer and plus starting my new job it makes it harder to get these chapters out. Thanks for ur support

Adelaide has continued to struggle maintaining her body temperature on her own. She is now wearing a monitor whenever she isn't under the warmer or being held skin to skin. We have kept our hospital room so warm that Blake had to go home to get shorts and tshirts for us to wear in the room. It's our second day in the hospital our little girl is officially one day old and the boys will be here any minute. Blake get the text from Jen that they are pulling in the parking lot so he goes to get them and show them to the room.

"Mommy!!!!" Zuma comes running in the room

"Hi baby!! I missed you so much!"

"Mom! How's my sister?" King asks. Man he is growing up so fast.

"She is doing good. She just needs a little help keep her temperature up, she gets cold really fast so we have to help her a little bit with that."

Concern clouds his face as he looks around the room trying to get his first glance at his little sister.

"Are you ready to meet you baby sister?" 

"Yeah!!!" Both boys shout

"Come sit up here with me, But be careful ok. She is really little." I tell them 

Both boys climb onto the bed on either side of me. I have Adelaide laying on my chest skin to skin with a blanket laying on top of us. I pull the blanket down for both boys to see her. 

"She is so little mommy. Why is she so small? Is she gonna grow?" Zuma asks.

"She is so small because she came a little bit to early but she is doing great. Before you know it she will be big. It's just gonna take her a little longer." 

King is staring at her rubbing her head so softly. It touches my heart to see the care he is taking with her. What makes me cry is that every time his hand rubs her little head I can feel her sigh. The instant bound they have has tears flowing down my face. My oldest and my youngest amazing. King looks at me like he wants to say something but thinks better of it and stops himself.

"King what's up baby?"

"I just was gonna ask if I can hold her but I don't know if that's a good idea since she is sick. She probably needs to be with you." 

"King do u want to hold her?" I ask him

"Yeah I do I just don't want her to get to cold." He said staring at her. 

"King we can take ur shirt off and lay her on your chest and wrap the blanket around you guys if you want to hold her. You don't have to but if you want to you can." 

"Really? Can I? I want to!" King exclaims. 

Blake helps him get his shirt off and sanitize his hands. He sits him in the chair with pillows. Blake takes Adelaide from me and transfers her to Kings chest wrapping the blanket around them. Seeing my oldest hold my youngest brings tears to my eyes yet again. It brings into perspective how small Adelaide is. Even laying on her brothers chest she is so tiny. King held her for over a hour. We kept asking if he was done and when he would tell us "no she is sleeping. I don't want to wake her up" we would tell him to let us know when he gets tired of it. My middle two kids are playing with the cars and blocks that Jenn thankfully brought with them. Apollo doesn't seem to interested in seeing her which makes me nervous about taking her home and the challenges with him we are going to face. 

"Gwen Blake she is so beautiful. She is one lucky little girl. We are gonna head out I think get the kids some dinner and pick up a new movie to have movie night." Jen said

"Oh wow boys did you hear that movie night! Sounds like your gonna have fun!"

Apollo got up from his car running over to me wrapping his arms around my neck.

"No mommy. No go! Apollo stay! No go!" Apollo screamed and I wrapped him in the biggest hug. 

"Baby your gonna go watch a movie with aunt Jen and uncle Todd. Mommy has to stay here one more day but we will be home tomorrow night ok? Your baby sister is coming home with us. Won't that be awesome?"

Apollo just shakes his head reaching for Jenn. Blake unbuttons his shirt and goes to take Adelaide from King. The minute she leaves his chest she starts to cry. Her tiny whimper of a cry. I can see King's heart break as she cries.

"Sissy it's ok I'll see you tomorrow I can hold you and rock you all you want then! I promise sissy!" King says

I hear Blake sniffle as King walks over to me and gives me a big hug. After they all leave I look at Blake sitting beside me in the bed holding our little one...

"King really loves her." He sniffles tears building in his eyes

"Of course he loves her babe. She is his sister."

"I expected resentment issue since she isn't their dads, but he really loves her Gwen."

"Cowboy they know what life was like with their father, for them and for me. And they know what life is like now with you. Those three boy may not be biologically yours but they are more your boys than they ever were there dads. They tell me all the time when your gone that they miss you. That they want you to come home. Your a father to those boys, blood doesn't matter to them. And if your their dad then they are bound to be happy about having a sister."

"Thank you sunshine for saving me and giving me the life of my dreams. I would have died with a bottle if you hadn't saved me and know I'm sitting here next to my fiancé holding our daughter. I have a daughter with the Gwen Stefani! Like how is that possible?" 

"I know your joking but don't do that to yourself. Your an amazing man Blake. You saved me. I could barely get out of bed and make it to the set before you. I would still be in the bed if it weren't for you! Instead I'm sitting next to my husband-to-be who's holding our little girl that I thought I would never have. I begged him for one more and I was beyond lucky to get Apollo so another one couldn't happen. He made sure of that. To him Apollo was a mistake, to me he was a miracle." 

Tears flowing done both our faces we take the time to enjoy the quiet moment, just the three of us. The next day is gonna be hectic and long but necessary. We are taking our baby girl home and beginning our life as the parents of four. Four young kids but we can do it together we can do anything!  
...............................................................................................................................................

I open the door to our home and Blake carries her in. It seems surreal to be home with a new baby. Adelaide has been doing better the last few days keeping her temperature up, but I'm worried. They tell me it can be normal in preterm babies but mothers intuition is telling me something else is going on, I just don't know what. However they are the doctors so we follow their instructions and wait for her body to mature. 

We put Addie, we decided we would call her Addie for short, down in her bassinet next to the bed and I laid down to nap while she naps. They boys won't be here till around dinner, giving us a little time to relax before the crazy life with four kids starts. I woke up to Blake on the phone yelling at whoever was on the other end.

"I told you I'm not booking anything for two months. I don't care! I have a new baby and my family takes number one over any chance to preform or any amount of money! I DONT CARE! The answer is no!" 

Blake hangs up apparently as the yelling stops and I hear the footsteps heading toward our room. The door slowly opens and Blake sneaks in until he realizes I'm awake. 

"I'm sorry sunshine did I wake you up?" 

"I needed to wake up anyway. It's ok cowboy. What was that all about?"

"They got me a gig with I heart radio in two weeks. I said no. No big deal."

"You turned down a gig? For us? Why? Why would you do that?" 

Blake walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge next to me. He grabbed my face in his palms. His eyes were searching mine. 

"Gwen you're practically my wife. And over there that tiny little girl is our baby. I don't care what is brought up you, her, and the boys will always come first. Our family comes first Gwen!"

I cried. I cry a lot. I'm emotional and everyone close to me knows it! Having a man stand next to me putting as much importance into our family as I do, is a feeling I had resigned to never having. Now I have that in a 6 foot 5 cowboy. Life is just crazy. We sit on the edge of the bed holding each other looking at our beautiful baby girl!


	18. Life begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is all in my head. I have no proof rat has ever done anything like this but we all know he sucks

Todd and Jen brought the boys over about an hour ago. The all were sent up stairs for showers while I was cooking dinner. Blake had gone a little over board putting a bassinet in every room but right now I was grateful for it. I could watch my sweet Addie sleeping while I got dinner ready for the rest of us. Blake was taking care of Apollo's shower time. He wouldn't let anyone but Blake help him. He screamed bloody murder when King tried to take him upstairs. So Blake relented and said he would handle it while I cook dinner. We all sit down for dinner with Addie still asleep in her bassinet. The boys are talking 90 miles an hour about school and what they did at uncle Todd's house. When all of the sudden Apollo screams and starts crying. My motherly instinct kicks in and I pick him up holding him to my chest and rocking him. Of course this commotion wakes Addie up, who is ready to eat. So I hand Apollo off to Blake to take care of and I take Addie to the nursery to feed her. This is my favorite part of a new baby. The bond between mother and baby while breastfeeding is like nothing else in the world. I had forgotten this with Apollo. He is growing up so fast it makes me sad. 

Addie and I head back down stair and find the boys picking out a movie. Apollo is clinging to Blake like his life depends on it. We all settle into the couch to watch the movie before bed. Blake motions to me that he wants Addie so I place her on his shoulder. Apollo scrambles into my lap clinging to my shirt. We all sit as a family watching the movie. I find myself getting emotional. My whole family together and it finally feels right and complete. A man who loves me, three boys, and my baby girl. At this moment I thank God for everything I went though to get to this. The boys are with their dad for the next four days so I want to enjoy this family time as much as I possibly can.

"Mom" King looks up at me as the movie ends

"Yeah bubbly? What's up?"

"Do I have to go to dads tomorrow? I promised Addie I would hold her as much as she want and I don't want to leave her. We all just came home." 

"Buddy I'm sorry you have to deal with split home but it's your time with your dad and you need your dad in your life." 

"But we have Blake. He took dads place for you. Why can't he be our dad now?" Zuma innocently

"Babys Blake and are more than happy you love Blake so much and have accepted him into our family, but Blake will never replace your dad. Your dad wasn't the right man for me anymore but that doesn't mean he isn't good for you. He will always be your dad and I want you to have a relationship with him." Choking tears back as it breaks my heart that they are living with divorced parents. I feel like a failure.

My thoughts spiral. I would never want to be in that place again but it's moments like these that make me feel guilty. Like I should have fought harder. Like I should have been a better wife made him want me more. I'm brought out of my thoughts by Blake's voice....

"Boys head upstairs and get ready for bed please!" Blake asks

And for the first time tonight Apollo takes King's hand and went up to get ready for bed. Blake places Addie in her bassinet and walks over to where I'm pacing. He grabs my hips and turns me to him. He doesn't talk but he pulls me into his embrace and I break. Sobs escape my body as I completely fall apart. Addie begins to cry and I pull away, but Blake pulls me into him closer. 

"Blake Add..." 

"Shhh she is ok for a minute. Gwen I saw you break with that question. You can't ignore yourself...... you didn't fail Gwen. It's not your fault that your husband couldn't see what was right in front of him. An angel a living breathing angel! What we can do is make sure those boys know that we love them unconditionally and that no matter where they are or what they have done we will be there for them. I love you sunshine!"

It's times like these that only confirms he is my soulmate. He knows what to say to me to make me see that it's not my fault. He loves me so much he doesn't see any faults. His arms are still wrapped around holding me, protecting me, loving me. I'm brought out of this bliss once again by the cries of my babies. King pokes his head around the doorway.

"Mom Addie is crying. Do you want me to get her?"

"No King. I'm gonna get her and then we will be up to tuck you guys in." I say parting from my love. 

I pick Addie up and wrap her in my arms whispering I love you's in her ear, as we make our way up the steps to our boys. This is the life I dreamed of when I was a little girl. The life I always wanted and thought I would never have.  
...............................................................................................................................................  
The boys have been at their dads all week and even though I miss them more than anything, it's given us the time to focus on Addie and get her on a schedule. She is only waking up once or twice a night to eat. I pumped a few bottles after Blake begged me to so he could get up with her and let me sleep. It was very sweet of him however Addie had different idea. She absolutely refused a bottle, so as much as Blake tried to let me sleep I ended up having to get up anyway. I'm reminded again how lucky I am to have him in my life. Every time I get up he gets up with us and gets Addie back to sleep after I feed her. Now that we have Addie we no longer both go pick up the boys. One of us goes, usually me cause Gavin gets pissy if Blake goes, and the other stays home with Addie.

As I walk up to the door I can hear Gavin screaming at someone. I have a key, Gavin insisted he still have a key to my house so I told him he had to give me one to his house then. After a lot of arguing he agreed and had give me a key to his new place. I stand outside for a minute listening and cringing at the sound of his anger raging. Finally I snap out of it and open the door just in time to see Gavin slap Apollo across the face. I run to my baby as his cries rip my heart out of my chest. I reach Apollo and pull him into me as I crouch down so I'm at his level. I'm rubbing his back and whispering little.... shhhh.... it's ok boogie... mommy has you. Finally when I'm satisfied that Apollo is calming down I stand up and turn to my ex husband. Looking him in the eye I see Zuma and King stand in the door to the living room.

"Kingston will you please get your brothers and go out to the car. I will be right out." 

As soon as I hear the door close the fire wells up in me once again and all I see is fire.

"How dare you?"

"He got what he deserved. He has been acting like a little brat since you brought that hillbilly baby of yours home." 

"I promise you that you will never see them unsupervised again. Also you might want to work it out with the nanny oh wait your bitch to pick them up from my house your not welcome on my property anymore." 

"Your such a dramatic bitch" 

"What did you call me? Bitch? Gavin your the bastard!" 

That's when what little respect I had for him as the boys father disappeared. I felt his hand as it collided with my cheek. I stood there shocked at the nerve he had. My face stung and I knew the boys were gonna see it, not to mention see the tears as they fell down my cheeks. 

"Mom what happened? Your crying. Apollo's cheek is red and he keeps asking for Blake." King said

"Mommy your crying? What's going on." Zuma said as his nerves began to rev

I saw King in the mirror move closer to his brother and give him a hug. I couldn't answer the not right now. How do you explain to your kids that their dad hit their brother and their mom. How do you explain that they will not being seeing their dad much anymore. BLAKE!!!! He is gonna lose it. All of a sudden dread fills my stomach and I can't go home yet! I decide to spoil the boys with ice cream. 

"Boys how about some ice cream before we go home?" 

"Yes!!!!" My two older boys exclaim. 

"Apollo you want some ice cream?" I ask not hearing his tiny voice in the cheers like normal

"Blakey" a small voice chokes out and I realize he is still upset for his dad slapping him. My heart literally breaks as I pull in the sonic parking lot. I get out of the car leaving the boys in the car. They don't need to see me fall apart like this.

"Blake...." is all I can get out between sobs

"Gwen? Are you crying baby? Gwen? Where are you Gwen? I know your upset but I need you to tell me where you are." Blake's worried voice comes through 

Fighting through the sobs "sonic" comes out.

"Baby I'm on my way to you. Everything is gonna be ok and I'm coming." We both knew he was being grave for me but that on the inside he is as big of a mess as I am.


	19. Things change alot

I see Blake's truck pull into the parking lot as he pulls up next to us and throws it in park. Blake jumps out of his truck and I find myself running into his arms. I have never let my emotions get the best of me in front of my kids, but this time I couldn't deal. After he holds me for a few seconds he pulls away as both hands go to my cheeks. I flinch as he touches where Gavin slapped me. It's very well bruised. When I flinch Blake's eyes immediately see the reason for my flinch.

"That bastard! I'm gonna kill him!" Blake gets out inspecting my cheek.

"Blake Apollo." Is all I manage to get out

Blake's face turns white and he moves to get to Apollo. As soon as the door opens I hear my sweet little boy crying out for my love, becoming more and more upset the longer it takes Blake to unbuckle him. The minute Apollo is in Blake's arms the tears stop, he lays his head on Blake's chest, and his hand goes in for Blake's ear. 

"Gwen what happened? Are you hurt anymore than that bruise? Apollo has a nasty one too. And he feels like he is soaked."

I go through the whole story with Blake as we sit at the table with our version of the Brady bunch. Blake's eyes grow darker and darker as the story progresses until I reach the part of him getting to us. Blake grabs a diaper and wipes picks up Apollo, who protests being pulled from his ice cream.

"Hold on buddy we need to change your diaper and pants there wet."

As Blake changes his diaper we see what horrifies me. Not only did Gavin slap our two year old son in the face, but he spanked him so hard, with what appears to be a belt, that he left whelps all over his butt. Anger rages in Blake's eyes and all I can do is cry. Blake picks up his phone and makes a phone call, I can't figure out who he would be calling until he asks the person on the other line to come get the oldest boys and if they would take the baby too. I shake my head no but Blake ignores me. As soon as he hangs up...

"Blake no one is taking Addie! She won't take a bottle. How would they feed her? No."

"Gwen the kids don't need to be around us when we are worked up like this."

"Well no one is taking the baby. I need her right now." I say as I'm pulling her from her car seat and walking back out into the parking lot. 

I'm having a day I never dreamed would happen but that seems to be the norm in the last few years. Never dreaming coming a reality. In some ways that has been a good thing. Blake, Addie, a new album, and fans showing so much love and support. However some are very bad. Gavin still cheating, breaking of my marriage, sharing custody of my babies, and now this. I hold my little girl rocking her back and forth. 

"Your mommies little princess. You know that right? And your daddy he is such an amazing man. When you get big you have to find yourself a man like daddy. Don't ever let a man determine your worth. But most importantly never let a man lay a figure on you. You are a gorgeous and you deserve the world baby girl." 

Tears are running down my face when I feel his arms wrap around me from behind me. Turn and burry my face in his chest while he rubs my back. I don't know how long I stand there holding my sleeping princess in the arms of my lover. We finally brake apart when we hear Apollo crying at the table.  Blake looks at me worry in his eyes. His fingers trace the growing bruise on my face. Apollo screams even louder this time and he looks over his shoulder then back at me. 

"Go baby he needs you. I'm ok. I promise."

"I love you."

"I love you too babe."  
...............................................................................................................................................  
Laying in bed that night wrapped in my cowboys arm the tears begin to fall again. I don't want to wake Blake but he is so in tune with me it's impossible to keep it from him. 

"Gwen baby what's wrong? Why are you awake? Did I miss getting up with Addie?" 

I can't answer him as my tears become sobs. How did I end up here? Divorced from a man I thought loved me, now to face the fact that I have to fight for custody of my kids because he hit my baby. How could anyone hit a child especially their baby? I dont get it. Blake pulls me close and rubs my back. He knows what I need when I need it. I finally calm and we are laying there in silence clinging to each other. 

"Blake they can't go back to his house. We can't let that happen."

"I promise you that I will never let him hurt you or those boys ever again. I'm sorry I let you down. Tomorrow we will call the lawyer and take care of this, ok sunshine. I promise he won't hurt any of you ever again."

Just then we hear the door open, it's Kingston. 

"Mom are you awake? Blake?" 

"Hey buddy what's up? Are you ok?" Blake asks

"Can I sleep with you guys I can't sleep?" 

"Of course baby come on." I tell him lifting the covers next to me

About the time we all get settle we hear crying hysterical crying coming from the baby monitor. I fly up out of bed. Apollo never wakes up at night and this cry isn't an everyday cry it's a heart wrench cry. I get to his crib and he is screaming reaching for me. My heart breaks. I pick him up and hold him tight against me, doing all I can to make him feel safe. Blake comes running in..

"What's wrong?"

" I think he woke up scared. He has a death grip on me." 

Blake walks over to the rocking chair and sits down. I sit on his lap sideways so Apollo is touching both of us. We rock in the chair until we can tell Apollo has calmed down. We take him back to our room to sleep with us, only to find Zuma in bed with Kingston. 

"Looks like we are having a family sleepover cowboy." 

"Sounds perfect. I love you Gwen" 

"I love you to Blake"   
..............................................................................................................................................

I wake up only to hear laughter coming from downstairs. Addie isn't in her bassinet and I'm alone in bed. Stretch and smile. As much as I love our big family minuets like this are some of my favorite. My quiet moment is interrupted by the cries of what I can tell are a hungry Addie. So I crawl out of bed and head down stairs. I'm greeted by a certain cowboys butt, which I can't refrain from grabbing, as he is picking up our baby girl. He stands up and turns, a huge grin on his face most likely from my brazen butt grab this morning. 

"Morning sunshine" he says placing a light all to quick kiss to my lips. 

"Morning cowboy" 

"Adam wants me to join him and Pharrell for dinner. Will u be ok with all the kids for a couple hours?"

"Of course cowboy but I'll miss you!" 

" I'll miss you to sunshine more than I can explain"   
...............................................................................................................................................  
(Blake's POV) 

I'm driving to meet the guys but all I can think about is leave her and the kids alone. This week hasn't been an easy one and it's not going to get any easier as we fight for custody of the boys. Gwen is beating herself up about taking the boys from their dad but what he did is not ok. What kind of man would put his hands on his kids or a women? The more I think about the more furious I get so I move my thoughts to my sweet baby girl and how I'm the luckiest man alive. I have a baby with the Gwen Stefani. Me the cowboy engaged to the rock goddess dive legend Gwen Stefani. I pull in to the restaurant and hand the valet my keys. I head inside and look for the guys, finding them in a booth in the back.

"Hey y'all."

"Bro! Nice to see you escape your dungeon for a little bro time." Adam laughs

"It's not a dungeon! It's heaven!" 

"I know man I'm just messing with you." 

"It's really nice to see both of you so happy." Pharrell pipes in

This is my chance to tell them all that's been going on. Both of their faces fall as they tell me if there is anything they can do for us to let them know. I thank them and tell them I'm ok, it's Gwen I'm worried about. She is taking it pretty hard and won't let her eyes off of Addie and Apollo. I see both of the guys straighten up and their faces harden. 

"Guys what's up? Everything ok?" I ask confused 

That's when I hear him.....

"Oh look if it isn't the redneck my wife is banging." Gavin snarls

"EX wife!" Both Adam and Pharrell chime in

"Why don't you back off and leave us alone bud." I tell him the furry building up in me from the past week.

"What can't handle talking to a guy who had your slut first? "

I stand up now towering over him. 

"What did you call her? Cause I know you didn't say slut! How fuckin dare you? How dare you fuck the nanny while that angel was laying in you bed alone? How dare you make her feel worthless when she is priceless? How dare you lay a hand on her and you son?"

I lose it. I swing and nail him square in the face. He falls back into his wanna bees. Tthat doesn't stop him from coming at me however. Punning little thing. It took one more swing of my fist for him to be flat on his ass blood pouring out his nose. 

"Don't you EVER call her that again and if you ever lay a hand on her or those boys again it will be the last thing you ever do!" 

Next thing I know Adam and Pharrell are grabbing my arms and pulling me out of the restaurant. Fuck. Gwen is gonna be mad!


	20. How could he

"Blake seriously? You hit him?"

I yelled anger coursing through my veins so hard it almost hurt. He stood there looking at his feet like a child who knew what they did was going to get them in trouble but did it anyway.

"We have kids to think about? Did u think this was going to be ok? Why? I at least need to know why."

He wouldn't look at me. He stood there hands in his pockets looking at his boots. I don't want to be mad at him. I don't want to throw a fit. I want to thank him for doing what I wished would happen for a long time, but we have kids in this mess to think about. It's not about our emotions and wants anymore. It's about my sweet boys and our beautiful baby girl. I can feel the fear radiating off of him and I realize he still thinks I'm gonna wake up and leave him. I can't manage the anger anymore. I walk up to him and place a finger under his chin. I pull his chin up to make him look at me. I lightly brush a hand across his scruff. He leans his head into my hand.

"Cowboy why? Please just tell me what happened?"

"I can't Gwen. I just can't."

"Why not babe? I need to know. So we know how to move forward with custody of the boys."

"I can't Gwen. Do you know how long it took me to get the sadness, hurt, and pain out of your eyes? If I tell you and that pain comes back, I'll never forgive myself."

"Babe nothing he does can hurt me anymore. I know he isn't a real man, you taught me that, I have you. I don't care what he does or says."

"He called you a slut. Then he called me the hillbilly your banging"

I can see the hurt in his eyes. I can tell where he is going and I can't let him get to far into that space. It's couldn't be father from the truth. He isn't just someone I'm banging. He is my everything. The one person in this world that truly completes me. He is my other half and I know that. Those times with Tony those times with Gavin were nothing compared to an hour with Blake. 

"Babe you know it's not true. Your are not just somebody I am banging. You have to know that! You have to know I love you. Your the piece that's been missing my whole life."

I tell him this holding his face in my hands so he has to look at me. The longer I talk to him the more the fear fades and the sparkle, the sparkle I have only seen since we have been together, returns to his eyes. This shows me he knows and believes me. His hands finally leave his pockets letting me know he is relaxing. They snake around my back and pull me close. Gosh this man will be the death of me. I feel him hard against my stomach. How does one go from fearful self doubting to sexy and turned on in a matter of two minutes. 

"I love you Gwen. I don't know how your mine but I'm the luckiest man alive." 

"No the luck is mine cowboy"

He grabs my hand and we make our way to our bedroom. We flop on the bed both of us laughing. The tension builds as his lips meet mine. The feeling of his lips on mine has to be the best feeling ever. It feels like home. Our tongues battle as the heat only intensifies. My hands go to his hair as we make out like love sick teenagers. His hand moves to my breast, massaging and pulling on it. Just as we move to sit up and take off our shirts we hear her. Addie is awake.

"Damnit Adelaide. Cock blocking again." 

I laugh as I get up and make my way to our baby girl. We moved her to her room for naps now. She still gets up at night so we leave her in our room for bedtime. She is growing up all to quick. She is already holding her head up, laughing, and trying to talk to us. I want to freeze her here. Keep my sweet baby this size forever. I never dreamed I would get a fourth child. I wanted one, I wanted a family just like the one I grew up in. However that was never Gavin's intention. In fact I'm still baffled that I had Apollo. At first he had accused me of cheating on him until I reminded him that he had slept with me that one night. Yes I had to remind him. He loved to make me feel unworthy of love.   
...............................................................................................................................................

I fed Addie and took her back to our room. Blake was still laying on the bed. He was scrolling through his phone. As soon as Addie saw him she squealed. Blake immediately dropped his phone and turned his attention to his girl. I hand her over to her daddy and lay down beside them. Our little princess is all smiles for her daddy. 

"Addie are you gonna be a daddies girl? What happened to daughters and mom stick together, huh?" I laugh "mommies kidding you be daddies girl! I was my daddies girl." 

"Tell mommy of course you daddies girl! You love your daddy don't ya! Don't ya!" 

I lay there watching them play. It's crazy to me that if Blake hadn't split from his ex he would have never been a father. He is so good with Addie and she loves him so much. It's crazy to think of him never being a father. I'm beyond elated to have given him the little girl he so deserved. It's so strange for me to actually have a partner in parenting her. I briefly let myself wonder to the thought of what if I had met Blake first. What if the boys were his biological children? I shake my head I can't go there, it hurts to much. We lost so much time with the wrong people. 

"What are you thinking about over there mommy?" 

"Oh just about how lucky I am to have such a cute little girl. And how I love you daddy very much!" 

"Well we love you very much to mommy."  
...............................................................................................................................................

I'm standing in the doorway to Addie's room. I asked Zuma to go give her, her binki. She was crying, I had Apollo in the middle of a bath, and Blake had gone into the studio for a few hours. I stand here watch my middle son take care of his baby sister. It brings tears to my eyes as I watch him talk to her.

"Sissy it's ok. Mommy is helping pollo. She will come when she is done. I would pick you up but your to big for me to hold and we would get in trouble. I know why you want mommy. She is pretty awesome isn't she. She's definitely the best we could ask for. And her and your dad Blake love each other so much. I'm glad our mom found your dad. Before that things were hard. Mommy was sad and my dad was mean. But now mommy is happy and Blake is our dad too." 

I walked in like I hadn't been standing there the whole time. I didn't want him to know I had watched him. It was a proud mommy moment. I pick Addie up who is no longer crying, but she lets me know right away what she want turning he head to feed. So I take her and a blanket downstairs. I start a movie for the boys to watch and get Addie and I in a comfortable position. I'm feeding Addie while the boys are watching their movie when Blake comes home dinner in his arms. I missed him like crazy. I had gotten used to having him home all the time even though I knew it wouldn't, shouldn't, and couldn't stay like that. He had a career. A very successful career. The country music industry may have turned its back on him, but the fans love him more than ever. I would never ask him to give that up, even though I know if asked him to he would. It would just as quick of an answer as when I ask him if he loves me.


	21. First trip to OK

I wake to the sun shining in my eyes. I look around and realize it's morning I look at the clock it is 8am. I immediately freak out rolling out of bed and running to Addie's room. I haven't gotten up with her since 11 last night. I get to her room and hear nothing so I crack the door slowly and see her snuggled with her blanket still asleep. This is the first time in her three week life she slept through the night and I'm shocked. Good thing it's Saturday cause I wouldn't have gotten the boys to school, even they slept in. I slowly shut the door and head back to my bed where I have a warm sleeping cowboy waiting. I crawl back into bed and snuggle into my cowboy. His arm snakes around my waist and he kisses the top of my head. 

"What time is it?" He whispers 

"It's 8 in the morning"

He immediately sits up and starts getting up. I place my hand on his chest lightly pushing him back to bed.

"She's fine babe. I just checked on her. She actually slept through the night."

"How did we get so lucky? We have a long day ahead of us, the extra sleep is gonna be needed." 

"I can't believe she slept through the night already. The boys didn't sleep through the night until they were like 3." 

"All I can say is thank goodness." Blake says as we both laugh  
...............................................................................................................................................  
"Gwen are the boys bags packed? I want to start getting the bags packed in the car." 

"The big boys should have their toy bag packed and I packed all the kids cloths bags last night. When I finish feeding Addie I'll pack the rest of her stuff and I'll get my bags packed. Can you or King help Apollo pack his toy bag?" 

"Yeah I'll see if King will help Apollo while I pack what's ready." 

"Thanks cowboy." 

"Always sunshine." 

He bends down and plants a kiss on the top of my head. I look up at him and pucker my lips telling him I need a real kiss. Its sweet at first but he deepens it and I allow him, but that's all the farther this goes as Addie pulls off telling me she is ready to switch sides. Blake kisses her on the cheek before I get her situated and feeding again. He gives me one more peck on the lips before he heads out to pack the stuff. Im left watching my baby girl. I drift to thoughts of how truly blessed I am. Three happy, healthy boys, a happy heathy girl, and a fiancé that loves me more than life. 

"Mom, I got Apollo's toys packed. Do you need anymore help?" King asks

"You know what buddy could you get Addie some toys and put them on the coffee table in the living room." 

"Yeah I can do that!"   
..............................................................................................................................................  
Finally we are all packed and in the car on the way to the airport. We are headed to OK so Addie can meet all of Blake's family. His mom literally cried when Blake told her I had gone into labor and that she wouldn't make it in time. He convinced her to stay in OK and that we would bring her there to meet her as soon as we got cleared to let her fly. Well the doctor gave us clearance two days ago. So it's been a bit of a rush to get everything together to leave so quick. 

"Yes mom we are heading to the airport now."...."yes we are all taking naps when we get there and will be over for family dinner with Addie."..."Yes she was cleared to fly, Gwen has to feed her during take off and landing to help her ears".... "Mom we are almost to the airport I need to get off here so I can get everyone settled on the plane." ...."I love you too mom. See you soon." He hangs up the phone. "Phew she is going crazy."

"She is just excited cowboy. She hasn't seen the boys in awhile and she has never met Addie, my mom would be going crazy too." I tell him grabbing his free hand.

He looks at me and smiles gratefully. He pulls my hand up to his mouth and places a kiss on the back of it.

"Excited is an understatement. She is more like hysterical. When Miranda and I got married she used to ask when every few months but after 3 years of her saying I'm not ready, mom gave up. She had resigned to the fact that Endy was the only one who would grace her with the grandkids she so desperately wanted. Then things got rocky with Miranda and she encouraged me to leave, seeing how she never liked her. But I stayed for a long time. And then when she figured it out that I was dating someone she didn't even bother to ask who she just asked if they wanted to have kids. I told her about the boys and she cried and asked if things were serious. When I said yes it was like I released a wild beast. EVERY time I talked to her since then, having babies and age has always been somehow a part of our conversation. She is beyond excited to meet Addie."  
...............................................................................................................................................  
"Here we are. Home at last. Hopefully she likes it." He says squeezing my hand smiling nervously at me

"Blake anywhere we are she likes. But I'm sure she will grow up loving just as much as the rest of us." I smile and lean into kiss him. 

The boys are already out of the car and getting there bags before I even open my door. I walk around to the other side and open the door to get my precious girl out. She is snuggled in so comfy I almost feel bad getting her, but it's chilly outside for such a little one. I get her out wrapping her favorite blanket around here to keep her warm. I take her inside and sit down in my favorite rocking chair. She loves rocking. Her favorite thing at home is to be held and rocked in her rocking chair in her room. She starts fussing though and I can tell she is hungry based on my bodies reaction to her cries. I can hear all of my little men unpacking the car and Blake telling them what room each bag goes in. So I get Addie started on the first side but don't bother to cover up. They will be busy for awhile and I love watching her. She is changing some from when she was just born. Her eyes are lightening to the color of Blake's, which I must say I love. Her hair is the same color as mine when I was little. Next thing I know I hear the cowboy boots and then feel his lips on my cheek. 

"How are my girls?" He asks

"We are good daddy. Almost done here then we can get everyone settled down for a hour or so before we head over to your moms."

"Yeah that sounds good. The boys are in there rooms already we just need to set them up with movies." 

"Ok well we will be done in the next five minutes." 

"Ok I'll go check on pollo and make sure get went to sleep, and I'll turn the movie on for Zuma. King said he could start his but I'll check in to make sure." 

"Thanks babe. We will be up soon."


	22. Grandma Dot

We all got a good nap and got ready for dinner. The boys have talked nonstop about getting to play with Jace and Ryan. I can see the pride on Blake's face knowing how much the boys already fit into his family. Pride that he has kids to bring to the family. The happiness he has fills my heart with even more love for him if that's possible. I know there is going to be so much emotion in this meeting and I know how much love is going to be flowing. Family has always been something that's been very important to me. But to have a man at my side that values family just as much, is something that I will be forever grateful for. Blake's grip on my hand gets tighter the closer we get to his moms house. We pull in the driveway and the two oldest bolt for the house. Dot is already at the door giving the hugs and kisses. Blake gets Apollo and I get Addie. She is sleeping so I have the blanket wrapped around her, plus it's finally getting more like winter. Dot immediately takes Apollo from Blake hugging him tight, making him giggle. We all make our way into the living room, where dot put Apollo down and he runs off to play with the other kids. 

"Alright let me see her! I have waited long enough. I have been begging Blake for a grand baby since I found out he was dating someone." Dot says

"Oh my God mom really??" 

"It's ok babe. Truth be told I have wanted another baby since the day I realized Apollo wasn't a baby anymore. We just didn't think it was in the cards for us, but God had other plans." 

"Well I'm very grateful for Gods plans." 

I walk over to Dot and hand Addie over to her. I move the blanket so she can see her face. Blake comes up behind me and wraps his arm around my waist. I turn into him putting one hand in his back pocket the other on his chest. We watch as tears come into Dots eyes and fall down her cheeks. The proud papa look on Blake's face breaks my heart and I start to tear up too. I know how much he longed for this and it fills me with so much joy knowing I was the one to give it to him. This moment is a moment none of us will ever forget. 

"She is beautiful" Dot says as the tears fall

"Yeah we think so mom"

"She has your eyes baby. She must have your hair Gwen. It's way to tame to be like Blake's." she laughs

"Hey I have good hair I'll have you know." Blake jokes

"Yes cowboy you do have good hair" I laugh running my hand through it  
...............................................................................................................................................  
Addie has been one happy girl all night. She hasn't been put down since the minute we got here. Right before dinner I was out watching the kids play and heard her cry. I knew exactly what that cry meant. She was hungry. I had pumped a bottle before we left the ranch, however we have never had success in getting her to take a bottle. I heard Dot telling Blake's sister to give her here. After about three more minutes I hear footsteps coming my way. 

"Gwen honey I think Addie is demanding mommy." Dot says Blake following close behind 

"Aww come here sweet girl. Mommies here." I tell her "Dot is there somewhere I can feed her? I'd rather not feed her in the room with everyone."

"Absolutely you can use Blake's old room. I'll show you."

"Awesome. Blake can u keep an eye on the kids?"

"Absolutely sweetheart." He says placing a kiss on the side of my head

I follow Dot done the hall to Blake's old room. There is a rocking chair so I take a seat. 

"Do you mind if I stay so we can talk?" Dot asks

"No not at all I just wasn't keen on the idea of feeding her in front of everyone."

"Of course. Gwen I really want to tell you how grateful all of us are that you came into my sons life. We were really worried about him when Miranda messed him up. The bottle was his best friend and we really thought we were gonna get a call that he was in the hospital or worse. Then he went back to the voice, and we really thought the show had turned him around. Until he came home and stayed in his room on the phone and it hit me. He was seeing someone."

"I'm so sorry about that. It was really hard having him so far away." 

"Do not be sorry! We were so happy to see him smile again. It was a sight I thought she had stole from us for good. She hurt him so bad, but I'm sure you know that. So to see him with those boys and how happy he was, literally made me the happiest mom ever." Tears are just flowing down her face

"Really he saved me. I couldn't get much lower than I was. I stayed in bed for a week straight. My brother was the reason I made it to the voice set. He told me that I was getting my but out of bed and was going to work. It was the hardest thing I have ever done and then I got there and Blake told everyone about the divorce and I told everyone. We really just traded stories and struggles till one day I realized that I smiled every time because of him. From there we have been inseparable." Now I'm crying to.

"You have given me my son back and now a grand daughter. I don't know how to thank you enough." 

"Really there is no need to thank me. We saved each other."  
...............................................................................................................................................  
On the way home to the ranch all the boys fell asleep. Blake carried the big boys in and I carried the babies in. Once we had them all settled down in the beds it was finally time for Blake and I to relax. 

"Hey sunshine how about we fill the bath and relax for a bit."

"Oh yes please cowboy!"

While the water ran and filled the tub. We took the time to help each other undress and even dirty make out for a few minutes. He got in first and I sat in front of him. His arms snake around my stomach and make their way to my breast. Holy cow. I hadn't realized how sensitive they are now that I'm breastfeeding. It's like heaven as he messages them. Slowly his hands work their way south until he reaches my sensitive spot as he teases me. He slowly dips his fingers inside me and begins to work his magic. Before I even know what's happening I come moaning his name. I turn around in the tub straddling his lap. 

"No more teasing Blake fuck me. Fuck me fast and dirty."


	23. Back to work

Tomorrow is the day we both have been dreading. Blake has to get back to work, which means he has a show to do. This one happens to be in Canada. It's the first time I'll be left alone with all four kids, so the nannies are back. With Blake and I together we don't use the nannies as much. We just don't need them since Blake actually helps with the kids. Apollo is gonna be the most challenging, he is attached to Blake. Blake is the father he never had. Gavin didn't want Apollo to start with so he never paid much attention to him. Blake is all about Apollo. He loves all the boys but the connection he has with Apollo is different and special. This tour Blake had to change some of his staff. He has a new backup vocalist, a new guitarist, and the one I'm least found of the skinny beautiful new stylist. Like I know Blake would never but I feel the need to shout he is mine every time she is around. I trust Blake, he has never given me a reason not to, it took awhile for us to get to this point because of our ex's. This skinny blonde woman I don't trust at all. She is all smiles a cute eyes every time she is near Blake. II don't like her. Tonight we are having dinner at our house with his whole staff before they head out for a week straight tomorrow. That means that chick is gonna to be in my house tonight. 

"Gwen are you ok sunshine?" Blake asks

"Yeah I'm fine babe. Just realizing reality is gonna hit hard tomorrow"

He walks over to me and wraps his arms around me. 

"We knew it was coming but it doesn't make it any easier. I told you I didn't need to tour I should have just done some shows here and there. I wouldn't be gone so much then."

"You can't do that. We talked about this. I will not let you give up your career for us. You can have both Blake. It's gonna suck I'm not gonna lie. But you need to do this for you babe."

"Leaving is gonna be the hardest thing I have ever done."  
...............................................................................................................................................

Everyone is here. Everyone is talking and mingling around. I just got Addie to sleep as I come out to the gathering baby monitor in tow. I scan the crowd searching for my cowboy. Surprise surprise guess who is with flirting like no tomorrow. As soon as she reaches out and touches his arm I go crazy inside. I walk over to them and immediately wrap my arms around his waist. 

"Hey baby girl" he says kissing the top of my head

That's not enough for me though. So I look up at him lips puckered letting him know I want a real kiss. He smiles at my boldness and bends down his lips meeting mine. The skinny blonde backs off a little now. We sit down to eat and I move my chair even closer to Blake's. He gives me a puzzled look but smiles and puts an arm around my shoulder.   
After everyone eats we move out to the porch for wine and smith works. Just as we get settled on the couch the nanny comes out...

"Excuse me Blake but Apollo is refusing to go to bed with out you tucking him in." 

"Ok I'll be there in a minute." 

He finishes the current part of the conversation and excuses himself to tuck Apollo in. This makes me smile because not only does he love Apollo enough to walk away from his party but this is just another way to show the skinny blonde he is taken. As Blake walks away, I look to her and smiled.   
...............................................................................................................................................

"So are you ready to talk about it?" Blake asks that night when everyone is gone and we are cuddled on the couch. 

"Talk about what?" 

"Whatever was bothering you tonight."

I sheepishly look away not wanting to admit my jealousy. 

"Gwen I'm not blind something was bothering you. You were so clingy tonight. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE having you all over me, but you seem a little more deliberate tonight."

"That skinny blonde" 

"What?"

"That skinny blonde she was all over you when I came back from putting Addie down."

"What skinny blonde are you talking about?" 

"Your new stylist. She was touching you every chance she got." 

"You mean Carley? Gwen, baby, you have to know I would never." 

" I know you wouldn't Blake but I don't trust her. I could tell her intentions weren't as innocent as you think." 

Blake busts out laughing he deep belly laugh.

"Gwen are you really jealous of that girl?" 

"Maybe" I admit looking at my glass of water. 

Blake turns me so he can see my face. His hand goes to may face as he starts to talk. 

"Gwen there is only one skinny blonde in the whole world that I love. Seriously I hadn't even looked at her because my eyes where on this beautiful skinny blonde who happens to be mine." 

"I love Blake."

"I love you more."  
...............................................................................................................................................  
Blake's arms are wrapped around me. My arms are wrapped around him. Sobs wrack my body as my heart is literally breaking. I know he has to go and I know I was the one who told him to go, but damn it I don't want him to go. We have been apart before but now we have Addie and we have been glued together for the past two months. The challenges ahead of me that I have to take on alone seem like an impossible climb. 

"Gwen you have to calm down baby. I cant leave knowing your so upset." 

His hand is rubbing my back while he keeps me pressed to him. He knows exactly how to calm me down. He is my safe place. 

"Gwen baby, I promise we will FaceTime and text the whole time. It will go by faster than we think." 

I pull back to look at him with a tear stained face, my hands move to his chest. Im calmer but there are still tears silently running down my face. When I look to his face I see the pain and heartache in his eyes. I resign that I have to be strong for him as he is always the rock for me. I know that it is just as hard if not harder on him to go. 

"I'll be ok cowboy. I just wasn't prepared for how hard it actually is to have you go. This is something we have to do. I won't let you give up something you love so much. We will be ok. We will be here waiting when you come home next week. You have to tell the kids by cowboy." 

We walk into the living room where the kids and the nannies are gathered. King and Zuma know what's coming they have had to say good bye like this before. As soon as they see us their face fall, as the know it's time to say goodbye. They act tough however and give Blake a quick hug before returning to their activities. Blake moves to Addie next. He is holding her talking to her and telling her he loves her so much and tears are just pouring down his face. I walk up behind him and wrap my arms around his shoulders. 

"She isn't even gonna know me when I get back."

"Blake your her dad she will remember. Plus your gonna FaceTime and just cause she can't talk doesn't mean you can't talk to her on FaceTime. She loves you baby she will remember you." 

He takes on Apollo last. We know this isn't gonna be pretty so we agreed before hand to keep it short. Blake is cuddling Apollo and he has a death grip on Blake's neck. Blake promises to call when he gets to his hotel and tell Apollo he needs him to big a big boy and help take care of Addie and I. This seems to do the trick as Apollo reaches back for me. Blake kisses me one more time before leaving for the airport. I hold on to Apollo hugging him tight. His arms are wrapped around my neck and I feel him start to rub my back. 

"Mommy Blakey will be back. He promised."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know ur thoughts! Keep it going or time to end it?


	24. Addie is getting so big!

Blake's been gone 3 days now and it's been so hard that we have FaceTimed literally 5 times a day. Addie is growing up so fast and it's killing him to miss these days with her. She smiles so big now and try's her hardest to babble talk back to you. Watching her and Kingston have their little talks in the morning before school fills my heart with so much joy. He has always had a soft spot for his baby sister and I love it. We are sitting on the floor and Addie is on her belly playing with her favorite toy, which is her Sophie the giraffe, while I'm scrolling threw my weirdos posts on twitter when my phone starts going off. 

"Guess who it is Addie! It's daddy!"

I answer the call and can do nothing but smile as my handsome cowboys face appears on the screen.

"Cowboy!!!!" 

"Hey sunshine! How is your day going? How is my baby girl?" 

"It's going ok. The boys didn't put up to much of a fight to get up for school. Apollo however still doesn't cope well with preschool. He cried when I told him it was school day. Addie is doing good. She is currently going to town chewing on her Sophie."

"Man I miss you girls! It's been so crazy here. The shows have been going good but the promo in each city is nuts ya know."

"I bet babe you look tired. Well only four more days till your home with us again!"

"I can't wait sunshine. I miss my family so much. Touring like this is very lonely. Like I'm used to having the boys running around and Addie bab..

"Oh my god Addie!!!!! Blake baby she heard you say her name and she just rolled over!!!! Omg!!!!" 

"Really? She rolled over?" He says but the excitement isn't in his voice

"Yeah oh my god baby! Our baby is growing up!" 

"That's great she is growing up and I'm not there." He says with a hint of disappointment or maybe even anger

"Blake I'm sorry babe. Rolling over isn't that big of a deal. There are so many bigger milestones than rolling over. Babe." 

"Gwen I gotta go. The wardrobe is gonna be here in 10 minutes and I need a shower." 

"But Blake don't you want to talk to Addie before you go?"

"I talk to her when I call later. Love you Gwen." 

"Blake wait" 

"Gwen I gotta go" 

"Ok love you" I tell him sad and hurt he wouldn't talk to me 

I know he was upset but I'm kinda upset with him. Our daughter rolled over for the first time and he made me feel guilty because I was here and he wasn't. I feel bad but it's also not my fault. Blake has never made me feel anything but loved. This jealous, mad, selfish Blake isn't the man I know. I'm not sure I even know how to process it. Being the emotional girl I am I call my mom and tell her what happened crying the whole time. 

"Mom he has never shut me out like this. Like was I supposed to not be happy? Was I supposed to lie and not tell him she did it? I feel so guilty." 

"Honey he is hurt and mad he wasn't there. This really has nothing to do with you. Just give him some time he will call back. He is upset but when he realizes he hurt you he will call back."   
...............................................................................................................................................  
I go about my day taking Addie for a walk and running a few errands before I have to get they boys. Blake skipped the lunch time call. If I wasn't hurt before, I am now. We have always talked through our struggles but he is pulling away this time and it scares me. I had a 20 year relationship with a distant man and we all know how that turned out. I head to school and pick up the boys. They are all yelling stories about their day. They are all excited even Apollo. And then the dreaded comment comes......

"Mommy, I can't wait to tell Blakey I had fun!" Apollo says

"Yeah baby he is gonna be so happy to hear you had fun!" 

My heart is breaking cause frankly I don't know if he is gonna call. He hasn't talked to Addie all day and this is a first since he has been gone. We act like babies don't see when a person is missing when they only talk to them on the phone but that is so wrong. Addie knows she hasn't seen daddy all day and she is so crabby. Since she heard his voice and hasn't seen him, she has been the biggest crab. I just pray that whatever is going on he will put it aside and call when we get home like always. 

"Hey mom!"

"What's up King?" 

"Can we have a pizza movie night? Before you say no I'm only asking cause we really miss Blake. Like it's weird without him. Everything seems kinda off. And having pizza and movies is always fun." 

"You know what King I could use some fun, so I'm gonna say yes!"

"Dude it worked!" King yells giving Zuma a high five. 

I have to laugh under my breath as Apollo is waving his hand in the air yelling "peeeease me to! I happy too!!" 

King being the amazing big brother he is leans forward and high fives his baby brother making Apollo so proud.  
...............................................................................................................................................  
The boys finished their homework while I'm feeding Addie in her room. They come running into Addie's room. When they get in here their faces fall and I realize I normally would be talking to Blake now. They have talked to him every day after their homework. 

"Mom Blake didn't call yet?" Zuma asks looking sad

"No guys he has a busy day today. I'm sure he will call soon." 

"Ok call us when he does?" Kings asks 

"Of course guys" 

They all walk out and I can hear them debating what to do till Blake calls. I pull out my phone and create a text.

"Hey I haven't heard from you since this morning. Miss you. They boys miss you too. They finished their homework and are waiting to talk to you. Love you Blake. Gx"

"I'm busy right now tell them sorry. I'll call before they go to bed. Love you too." 

"As much as I am hurt with the things that have gone down today, please don't disappoint them, their dad does enough of that. Gx" 

"I'll call I promise sunshine."

Sunshine. I have never been so happy to hear him call me that name. It's a glimpse of my cowboy and boy have I been longing for him. He called a few hours later and the boys were talking to him like they might never get to talk to him again. He just laughed and tried to make out what each kid was saying which is easier said than done.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
After that day Blake called like normal, every few hours. We talked but never addressed what happened so it wasn't our normal chatting, this seemed almost awkward at times. That's such a weird thing for us, everything has always been so easy and so comfortable. Today I should be excited. He comes home, but I'm nervous. I miss his warmth so much and no matter how off things are with us I miss him. I miss the way he holds my hand. I miss the way he sighs when he pulls me in close. I miss the way he kisses the side of my head. And I miss his lips on mine. I just want my cowboy back. Any other time all of us would go to get him, but in light of how hard this trip has been and how unpredictable this reunion is going to be, just Addie and I head to the airport. I'm so nervous I could literally throw up. I'm scared he is still gonna be mad or off and not be excited to see me. I'm scared he is still going to be distant and that would literally kill me. I need MY cowboy, I need him really really bad. When we get to the airport his plane had just landed. They hadn't opened the door or anything. My heart is racing. I just want him to hold me and I don't know if he will. The door opens and I can hear his southern drawl as he thanks the staff. I stare at the door willing MY cowboy to get out here and to me. All of a sudden I see his boots, my heart is beating so loud I can hear it. Next I see his jean clad legs step into view and then there he is standing in the doorway of the plane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know ur thoughts live for ur feedback


	25. Home

I stare at the door willing MY cowboy to get out here and to me. All of a sudden I see his boots, my heart is beating so loud I can hear it. Next I see his jean clad legs step into view and then there he is standing in the doorway of the plane. At first he is looking at his phone, but when he looks up I'm nothing but relieved as a huge smile breaks across his face. I get out of the car as he jogs toward me. As soon as he reaches me, I find my safe place. We stay like that for what could have been 30 seconds or 30 minutes, his arms around me. I feel him sigh like always and I start crying. I missed him so much and the fear things would be off between us has me an emotional mess, but thank goodness Blake's used to it. 

"I'm so glad to be home sunshine. Please don't cry. I'm here."

"Blake I needed this hug so much." I get in between sobs

"Gwen I'm sorry I got upset. I'm sorry how I treated you. It was wrong and I feel terrible." I can now see tears in his eyes

"Lets forget that. I love you Blake."

"I love you too Gwen so much." He says kissing the top of my head 

I lift my head and pout my lips. His lips are instantly on mine, my hands move to his butt. God I love his butt so much. We make out for a few minutes until we both realize if we don't stop we aren't gonna be able to. He breaks our kiss his forehead still on mine. 

"There is someone in the car who really missed you to." 

"You brought the kids. They just saw us make out Gwen. They are probably freakin out."  He says backing up some. I pull him back into me. 

"Not the boys babe, just our princess." 

A huge smile breaks across his face as he moves to the suv. My heart melts when he opens the door and Addie sees him. A huge smile breaks across her face as Blake talks to her. 

"Gosh she has gotten so big Gwen. I missed her so much." Now she is cooing at Blake 

"She missed you to daddy......Well there are three boys waiting to see Blakey." 

We get in the car and head to the house. 

"So, how good is she at rolling over now?"

"You will see when we get home. She will show you." 

We ride the rest of the way home his hand on my thigh and my hand on top of his. We pull into the driveway and the door opens and all three boys are running out to meet us, well to meet Blake. They all three tackle him to the ground, laughing and yelling how much they missed him. I get Addie out of her seat and Blake gets his bags. King walks up to me as I'm getting Addie's diaper bag...

"Mom can I carry Addie in?"

"Sure baby." I say handing Addie over as she coos and smiles up at her big brother. 

I'm once again wondering how this is my life. A wonderful man that loves me and my kids, kids that love my new man, a baby with him, and a baby that my kids have more than welcomed and even cherished. I'm one lucky women.   
..............................................................................................................................................  
That night was spent sharing stories of our week apart. The boy telling him everything that happened in school and Blake pretending to understand Addie's coos about her week. Before everyone knew it and was ready it was time for the kids to go to bed. Blake put the boys to bed while I fed Addie, well tried to feed her. She was not having it even though I could tell she was starving. 

"Addie I really don't get what's up. Your hungry and its right here. Ugh" I'm getting so frustrated not understanding at all. She is doing nothing but wiggling and fighting me. 

"Addie seriously honey I wish you could just tell me the problem."

"Hey sunshine everything ok?" Blake pops his head in

"No I don't know what up but she won't be still and eat." Blake walks into the room

"Here let me sit and you sit in my lap. Your frustrated and probably knows it. Let just rock and calm her down first."

I get up and the cowboy sits down. Addie and I sit in his lap. I lay my head on his chest, Addie position so she can see her daddy. Blake rocks us and starts singing to us. I can literally feel Addie relax and calm down. I situate Addie again in attempt to feed her now that she seems calmer. 

"Looks like she just wanted her daddy." I smile at my cowboy 

He flashes me his dimples and I lay my head back on his chest. God I missed him so much. Just the feel of him under me is like the most relaxing thing in this world. Addie finishes eating and we stay like that rocking until she falls asleep. We lay her in her crib and I turn to leave but Blake just stands there. I walk back up to him and he wraps his arms around my waist, his hand resting on my stomach underneath my shirt. He lays his head on my shoulder and we stand their staring at our sweet beautiful baby girl. 

"Gwen how did I get so lucky?" 

"I don't know but both of us went through hell to get to this luck."

"Gwen I don't know how I ever deserve you, much less this beautiful little girl. Like Gwen my world is in this house. You, the boys, and our princess. While I was gone I was so depressed. After the shows everyone would go out for drinks and good time, and I could go Gwen." He said staring at our baby

"Instead I went back to my hotel room to call you guys, and when we hung up I cried. I spent the rest of the night scrolling through my phone looking at all the pictures and videos of you guys missing you beyond belief. I can't do it Gwen. I know you want me to tour and don't want me to give that up and have both. Gwen I don't want both. I can't handle being away. Gwen I need you. I need the kids." 

Tears are pouring down his face. I see just how much of a living hell this tour was for him. I see the fear in his eyes, fear that I'm assuming is of losing us. Both of my hands go to his cheeks. My thumbs wipe away some of the tears. When I see him shift his focus to me my heart breaks at the look in his eyes. 

"Blake babe we are right here. We aren't going anywhere. If you don't want to tour like that you don't have to babe. Do a show or two a weekend and come home. We can even go with you some of the time. We love you baby. Addie was so fussy and crabby and the boys fought me with all the rules." 

Now it's my turn to cry. After everything I have been through admitting that I need him is really hard. It's scary. Suddenly his arms are wrapping around my waist pulling me into him. I look up at him and his lips are on mine in a split second. He lifts me up and my legs wrap around his waist. He carries me out of Addie's room down the hall to ours. The hole time his lips never leave mine. He crawls onto our bed still holding me, he lays me down on my back. He hovers over me taking me in with a smoldering look. Suddenly self conscious a small timid smile appears on my lips. Suddenly Blake's lips are smashed against mine. He grabs the hem of my shirt and I sit up some helping him get it over my head. He takes the top of my pants and sheds those also. He is back on my lips slightly biting my lower lip, making a moan escapes my lips. His tongue takes full advantage and darts into my mouth. Next thing I know his mouth is traveling south. He sucks on the spot between my neck and my shoulder. Shit. That's definitely gonna leave a mark and a mark that's gonna be hard to cover up. He makes his way to my breast. He pulls the cup of my bra down and his tongue dances around my nipple before taking the whole thing in his mouth. Just when I'm convinced he is going to suck it raw he moves to the other breast. I writhe in pleasure under my cowboy. I hate to give in and beg but I can't handle it anymore. 

"Blake please"

In a matter of seconds he has stripped his pants and underwear and I shoved as deep into me as he can possibly go. 

"Damnit Gwen, you are so tight." 

"Cowboy you are a perfect fit."


	26. She has everything

The past week has been rough Zuma and Apollo both have been horrible. Even Blake has had to yelled at them a few times. King has even been on edge all week. I just don't get it, everything has been fine and now all of a sudden they are arguing with us and fighting bedtime. I thought Blake coming back would end this but boy was I wrong. They are still just as crabby and horrible as they were when he left. I'm at my wits end, something has to give here.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
"I just don't understand mom. My boys aren't angels by any stretch of the imagination but they don't act like this. They haven't even been listening to Blake."

I tell my mom after we place our lunch order at our favorite little Italian restaurant. 

"Gwen they are jealous." My mom says

"Jealous? Of what?"

"Gwen you have Addie. She is having all kinds of firsts, which I'm sure you and Blake are making a big deal about, and rightfully so. So not only is she getting attention but she lives with both her mom and dad. She doesn't have to miss her dad."

"Oh my gosh. They are jealous of her and I don't blame them. She has what I had wanted for all my kids, both parents that love them more than anything and love each other more than life itself. Like you and dad gave us kids. What do I do mom? It's not like I can make Blake their dad or make Gavin step up."

"Take them out. Just you and Blake. I'll keep Addie." 

"Yeah maybe we will take them to Disney. Blake has never been and I think the boys would like getting to show him everything."

"I think that would be a good idea honey. So how are you and Blake doing? I haven't talked to you since he came home." 

"Thing are good. We are in a good place. He doesn't want to tour like that anymore, just do weekend trips. He really missed us. The look on his face broke my heart when we talked about." 

"I told you things would be fine honey. That man loves you so much. The way he looks at you is the way your father looks at me. He is one of the good ones."

"He really is, mom. I finally found him."  
...............................................................................................................................................  
"So I talked to my mom about the boys."

"Yeah? What are her thoughts?" 

Blake answers stroking my arm while we cuddle in bed. 

"She thinks they are jealous. Which in all honesty makes sense. While you were gone it was just me taking care of Addie so they got less attention then and since you have been home you have been catching up with Addie." 

"You really think so?" 

I nod my head. 

"I don't want them to be jealous Gwen. I love them just as much as I love Addie!" 

"I know you do babe. Mom said she would watch Addie for us to take just the boys out like old times. I was thinking we should take them to Disney. They love it there and you have never been. Addie is to young to go to so if mom is gonna watch her for us I think it's a great chance to go."

"I think that sounds like a great idea sunshine. But your gonna be ok right? I mean you haven't left Addie all day since she was born. What about her feedings?" 

"I know, I'll be ok. The boys need this. As far as feedings, Addie took one bottle while you were gone and I was getting my nails done. So if she is hungry enough she will take it, as much as that kills me."

"Ok so a Disney trip it is. I'm kinda excited. I was thinking to why don't I take each of the boys out for a one on one outing?"

"Gosh you are so amazing babe. I'm so blessed." 

"Sunshine I'm the blessed one. You gave me everything I've ever wanted. A family. A best friend. A partner. I'm still shocked sometimes when I think about the fact that YOU love ME." 

"You never give yourself enough credit cowboy! Your an amazing man. I hate that you still doubt that you deserve us! I love you now and forever babe."   
...............................................................................................................................................  
"Boys please come here." I yell 

"Where are you mom?" I hear King yell

"Living room." 

I hear feet running toward Blake and I. They came sprinting into the living crashing on the couch. 

"What's up mom?" King asks 

"Blake and I were talking. How would you boys like to go to Disney tomorrow?"

"Really mommy??? Can we please???" Zuma pipes up

"Absolutely and Nanna is gonna take Addie for the day so it's just us." 

"Mommy!" Apollo runs to me from the couch reaching up to me.

I pick him up spinning us around hugging him tight. The two other boys follow tackling me into the chair behind me that happens to be occupied by Blake. He catches me as we all fall into his lap. All of us are laughing so hard. Suddenly we hear Addie cry out from her room we all stop, I start to get up to go get her but King stops me....

"Can I get her mom? As excited as I am for tomorrow, I'm gonna miss her." 

"Yeah me to." Zuma frowns 

My heart melts because no matter how mad and upset they were that see takes up so much attention, they still love just as much as they love each other. 

"Yeah you can go get her buddy. Can u bring a diaper with you?" 

"Yeah." He yells running to get his baby sister

We all continue are playfulness tickling each other. It starts out everyone tickling each other and quickly turns to the boys ganging up on me. This continues for a minute when I realize it's taking King awhile just to get Addie and a diaper. I'm about to call out to him when he comes back in with Addie's tutu in his hand not on her. 

"I changed her diaper but she won't be still for me to get her skirt on." King says a bit mad he couldn't do it by himself.

"Awww thank you King you didn't have to change her I would have done it, but thank you so much buddy! I'll get her tutu on bring her here. It can be kinda hard to get on." I smile at him letting him know it's ok he couldn't get it on. 

"Boys" Blake joins in they all turn to look at him. 

"I'm also gonna take each of you out by yourselves to do an activity of your choice, just you and me. How does that sound?" 

"Yes!!!" They all yell

"Fit kids!" Apollo yells out "can we Blakey?" 

"Fit for kids? Absolutely buddy!" Blake says a huge smile breaking out on my baby boys face. 

"You have any idea what you want to do for your day guys?" Blake asks the oldest boys

Zuma puts his finger on his chin for a minute indicating he is thinking to come up with the best thing for them to do.

"Blake can we go to the park and play basketball?" Zuma exclaims as if it's the best thing anyone could have ever thought of.

"That sounds like a great idea Zums!" Blake says turning to the oldest boy

"King any ideas?" 

"Do u think" he pauses "is there anywhere here we could go fishing?" 

"I'm sure we can find somewhere! I don't know that it will be like back at the ranch but we can find somewhere!" Blake exclaims so proud that King wants to do something that they do in Oklahoma. 

It's like a proud papa moment for Blake. For all that matters Blake is their Dad. They don't go to Gavin's anymore since he hit Apollo and leaving marks. The court had decided at the hearing that followed that their sperm donor no long deserved the right to see them unsupervised, and the childish ass that Gavin is refuses to have someone supervise his time with his kids. So he doesn't see them anymore. At first Zuma asked about him but now none of the kids even mention him. I hate it for them. They deserve to have their father in their lives but again he shows what type of man he is. However we are so blessed to have Blake. He has stepped in everywhere Gavin hasn't been. Father and son sports day with Zuma at school. Soccer games for Zuma and King. Apollo and Blake spend all day together he even watches him when I go to my meeting about my fashion lines. We could not have asked for a better man. I thank my lucky stars everyday for Blake and the life he is providing for my sons and I, as well as our daughter. I wipe a tear from my cheek as I feel it fall. 

"You ok sunshine?" Blake wraps his arms around my waist bending awkwardly to lay his head on my shoulder.

"Thanks to you I'm perfect!" I turn in his embrace and smash my lips to his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it! Sorry for the delay! Let me know your thoughts!


	27. The happiest day on earth

"She usually eats about every four hours or so. I'm not sure what she will do since she is gonna be getting a bottle, so whatever you get in her is fine. If for some reason she absolutely refuses after like four and a half hours just call me and I'll have to come get her. Any questions you have just call me. ANYTHING." I tell my mom trying not to completely freak out leaving my baby for the first full day. 

"Gwen honey you act like I have never had a baby. We will be fine. You survived" my mom giggles

"I know mom it's just a lot harder than I thought to leave her." 

"I know honey leaving for the first time is always hard no matter how many kids you have."

I bend over kissing my baby girls cheek as she lays on the blanket playing with one of her toys. 

"Mommy love you Addie. Mommy and daddy will be back to get you tonight." I tell her turning around hugging my mom and head out the door. 

As I walk away the tears fall down my cheeks. I wipe them away right before I get in the car not wanting to ruin the boys day by crying cause I miss Addie or because I feel like an awful mom leaving her not knowing how she is gonna eat from the bottle. Guilt. I feel guilty. I open the door and get in. I turn and look at the boy.

"Who's ready for a Disney day?" I ask them all

"Me" they all scream at the top of their lungs including Blake. I just laugh turn around in my seat and nod at Blake to let him know all is ready to go.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
The whole drive to Disney the boys are telling Blake all about our last trip there and all of their favorite rides. As we are walking in Blake wraps his arm around my waist while I'm pushing Apollo in the stroller. 

"Sunshine are you ok?" He asks with a half worried look on his face

I love how attentive to me he is. He knows that even though it's gonna be a fun day and all about the boys, I'm gonna struggle not having Addie with us. 

"I'm good cowboy. But thank you for checking." I smile up at him I stop walking a second giving him my pout, my sign I need a kiss. He chuckles and leans down to give in. 

"Eww mom are you guys gonna do that all day?" Zuma buts in 

Blake and I laugh shaking our heads. Meanwhile I bend down grabbing Zuma planting kisses all over his face. 

"Maybe" I joke making him laugh

The first ride we come to is It's A Small World. This one is Apollo's favorite. He lets everyone know by yelling...

"Momma my favwit my favwit!!!!" 

"Yeah baby it is you favorite!" I say leaning down to get him out of the stroller but he starts pushing my hands away

"NO BWAKEY BWAKEY!!! Bwakey take me!" He screams 

"Ok then cowboy he is apparently yours for this one." 

Blake chuckles at the pouting face I make as my baby picks him over me. However inside my heart is swelling. My kids have taken to Blake so well, and with the character of their father I'm glad they have Blake. He is setting the example for them of how a real man treats a woman. I want my boys to be respectful men and thanks to Blake I now have faith they will. I'm brought out of my thoughts as the ride ends and we move on to the next one, the tea cups. Apollo once again insists on sitting with Blake.

"That's not fair Apollo got to sit with Blake on the last one I want to sit with him this time." Zuma say

"Bud there is enough room for three in each cup so why don't you and Apollo ride this with me and King you can ride this one with your mom. Does that sound fair?" 

"Yeah as long as you take me on splash mountain." King says

"Deal!" Blake answers

As Blake promised he rode splash mountain with King and rode space mountain with Zuma. The boys had the best day showing Blake around and I got no texts from my mom about Addie. Around dinner time everyone starts getting cranky so we make the decision to leave to go get dinner. 

"Mom can we go to Mama Cozza's for dinner? It's kind of tradition Blake."

"Absolutely King! We will give Blake the full Anaheim experience!" 

We pull up to a quaint little restaurant. The boys begin arguing who is gonna sit next to who. I look at Blake and we both laugh. 

"Seems your quite the popular guy today." I joke with Blake  
...............................................................................................................................................  
"Boys your brother is cranky and this isn't gonna go well if he doesn't sit by Blake. So can you guys take turns and one of you sits next to him this time and the other gets to next time?" 

"Yeah I call first." Zuma yells 

"No fair!" King answers but I give him my mom look and he concedes 

Once we finally get seated we put our orders in while Blake decides what he wants. We sit there listening to the boys talk about school and their soccer teams and well typical boy talk. Suddenly the two older boys look at each other and whisper something. I can only guess what's coming. 

"Mom Blake can we ask you something?" 

"Ok course" I answer giving Blake a concerned look

"Boys you can always ask us anything. We never want you to be scared to talk to us ok?" 

"Yeah. So you know how we don't see our dad anymore.." my stomach sinks "well we know he will alway be our dad but Blake feels more like a dad now. So we were wondering if it was ok for us to call Blake dad." King nervously asks

I sit there a little stunned. 

"Billy's mom got married again and they call him dad to now, like they have two dads. I know you guys aren't married but you are getting married so Blake is kinda our stepdad right?"

I'm shocked the boys have clearly thought about this a lot. As I sit and think about it, I think this could have been part of the acting out to now. When we talk to Addie Blake is daddy and the boys have no dad in their life. My mind is a hot mess right now. I looked to Blake to see his reaction and I see him looking at me shocked. I take a deep breath knowing Blake and I never even thought to talk about this. I make eye contact with him and we have the conversation without words both of us end up smiling. 

"Boys I would be more than happy for you guys to call me dad. I do want you to know though that I'm not here to replace your real dad, he will always be your dad." 

"We know. Its just that your just like a dad to us and we want to call dad." King tell us 

Next thing we know King is coming around the table to hug Blake. Zuma joins next and the smile on Blake's face is one that I will never forget as he mouths thank you to me. I simply mouth I love you back to him.

"Daddy my turn!" Apollo says holding his arms out to Blake. 

Blake scoops him up out of his high chair and I take a quick picture of all my boys in one big hug. This is a moment none of us should ever forget. As we finish our meals and pile in the car I turn to Blake.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
"So cowboy you want to see where it all began for no doubt and the house I grew up in?" 

"Absolutely sunshine!"

I take Blake to both houses snapping for my weirdos in front of both houses. He laughs at me when I do stuff like this but I know he understands. His fans are just as important to him as mine are to me. Once we get back in the car and start heading to my parents to get Addie, all the boys pass out. We had a big day and if it weren't for my excitement to see my baby girl I would probably be asleep to.

"I think today was very successful, don't you cowboy?"

"Yeah I think we took a big step in the right direction today for our family. And Gwen I really need to thank you."

"You don't owe me a thank you I owe you one."

"We owe each other one. Gwen I wouldn't be here without you."

"Same Blake I love." I tell him leaning over and kissing his cheek 

"I love you Gwen with all my heart. Let go get our baby girl."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is getting so long I still have ideas if u want me to keep going. Give me ur in put love ur comments


	28. Blake time

Blake's POV   
"Your sure you don't want me to come with you guys?" Gwen asks me

"Sunshine we will be ok. Apollo and I are gonna go have fun and then we will pick up the boys from school."

"Ok well you guys have fun! Here is his bag with all his stuff in it. Love you." 

"Wove you mommy bye" Apollo says waving to Gwen 

The look on Gwen's face has me chuckling. I tell her bye and plant a kiss on her lips. I get Apollo in his car seat and we head fit for kids. 

"Are you ready to have fun buddy?" I ask him

"Yeah!" He yelled making me laugh

"Daddy" 

I loved hearing him call me that, all the boys asked last weekend if they could. Of course I was beyond happy to have them call me dad. Later that night laying in bed with Gwen I thanked her for letting them call me that as a few tears fell down my face. Gwen then cried telling me that the new title was more than appropriate and well deserved. Those boys mean the world to me. Yeah I have Addie who is my biological daughter with Gwen but I loved the boys just as much as I loved Addie.

"Yeah buddy"

"Wove you"

"I love you too little man." 

We get to fit for kids and I get Apollo out of his seat carrying him in and up to the desk for him to get a little bracelet letting everyone know he is aloud to be in there. I started sit him down next to me while I was gonna pay. Wrong move Blake I told myself as tears well up in his eyes and his hands reach up to me. 

"Daddy up. Up, up." Tears now pouring down he cheeks as he has a hard time getting his words out in between sobs. 

"Hey hey little man." I say bending back down to pick him back up

"I'm right her. I'm not going anywhere, ok?" 

He shakes his head yes. 

"Daddy" he sighs laying his head on my shoulder

"Aww he loves his daddy. He surely got his curls from his daddy." The lady helping us states 

At first I'm stopped in my tracks. I'm not used to other people thinking he is my son. I like it. I look back at the women with the biggest smile on my face. 

"Yeah he is my little man." I answer

Apollo runs around playing with me following him. I chase him all around while he is laughing and all smiles. When I check my phone for the time I realize it's time to go. I tell Apollo and he tests me crying saying he doesn't want to go. I'm not always the best with discipline and Gwen has pointed that out on more than on occasion. 

"Apollo we have to go get your brothers come here." 

He is so caught off guard with my stern voice that his fit immediately stops and he walks over to me. I pick him up and start heading to the car. 

"Sorry daddy." Apollo says with his cute I'm guilty face

"It's ok buddy but when I tell you to do something I need you to do it, ok?"

He shakes his head yes. We get in the car and head to the boys school. Apollo is passed out by the time we get to the boys school. They get in chatting away until they see their little brother sleeping and they stop saying sorry for being so loud. It never cease to amaze me what a great mom Gwen is. She raised these boys on her own while their father was basically absent. These boys are so caring, loving, and respectful beyond their years, I'm always in shock. When we get home Apollo is still asleep so I get him out of his car seat carefully as to not wake him and take him into his room laying him down on his bed. As I exit his room Gwen is there waiting for me. 

"I guess you boys had fun?" 

"We did. He was like a crazy monkey running everywhere. I knew he was gonna be tired cause I'm exhausted." Gwen laughs and pulls me in for a hug

"Thank you. I love you." She whisperes

"I love you too sunshine. But you really don't have to thank me. They are our boys now and I love them just like I love you and Addie." I tell her planting a soft kiss to her lips  
...............................................................................................................................................  
"King ready to go buddy? I got everything loaded in the truck."

He comes running into the living room. 

"I'm ready Dad!" 

"You guys have fun. King listen Dad ok? I love you!"

Gwen places a kiss on top of Kings head before giving me that pout that she knows drives me nuts. If she is gonna play with me I'm gonna play with her. I wrap my arm around her waist pulling her into and slam my lips to hers I bite her lip and she moans. I give her just enough to get her going, then I pull away then, her lips still puckered liked she is waiting for more. 

"Blake Shelton that was not nice." 

I lean back in and whisper in her ear....

"We can finish this tonight."

I kiss her one more time, but this time just a quick peck. I head out the door to King who is already in the car and buckled. We get to echo park lake, the best place that I found for us to fish. We get all our gear and find a place to settle for the day. After we have been fishing a little bit and even caught a tiny fish King started to really open up to me.

"Dad did you and mom really mean what you said when you said we could talk to you about anything?" He asked me nervously

"Absolutely King! I want you to come to me no matter what. Even if you need something you know is wrong I want you to come to us. We will never stop loving you no matter what you do, ok buddy?"

"Yeah. Can I talk to you about my dad?" 

"Yeah King what's on your mind?"

"It's just hard ya know. Like I love my real dad. He is my dad. He always will be. Part of me feels like I shouldn't love him anymore because of all the stuff he did to my mom. Like he treated her so bad Blake. He made her cry all the time. She tried to hide it from us but I always knew. Mom thinks I don't know about the details but I do. Kenny in my class asked me why my dad liked my nanny more than my mom? I didn't know how to answer so I walked away."

"King"

"I don't know like he hurt her so bad and he hurt us. I know it's completely his fault that they split up. As much I love my real dad I'm glad they got divorced. When you came into our lives my mom started smiling again. Not the fake smile she put on when she didn't want us to know she was upset, but a real smile. She has been so happy. I don't ever remember a time she was this happy with my real dad. Your not gonna hurt her like he did right?" 

"Kingston, I promise you with everything I have I will never hurt your mom like that! I want to be the reasons for her smiles not her tears. I'm here for the long haul and I'm gonna take care of all of you. You guys are my family and I will never hurt you guys. As for your dad, buddy it's not wrong to love your dad. He is your dad and you will always have a bond with him. Just because you love him doesn't mean you are saying what he did was ok or acceptable. I don't want you to feel like you can't love him. I know he hurt you guys too and he isn't here right now but I don't want you to ever miss out on time with him, should you both want that ok?" 

Tears are running down his face and I pull him into a hug. 

"Dad I love you."

"I love you too King. I love you so much buddy." I say planting a kiss on the top of his head.

We slip back into joking around and goofing off until we realize it's almost dinner time. So we pack all our stuff up and head back to the car. When we get home I send King straight to the shower and I head to Gwen and I's bathroom. She comes up behind me and wraps her arms around my waist. I turn and hug her. 

"Gwen you have made my life so full of smiles and blessings and love. I will never be able to thank you enough." I say planting a sweet loving kiss on her lips. 

"Same cowboy." She lays her head on my chest still wrapped in my arms and her arms wrapped around me. 

"When your done come down for dinner ok cowboy"

"Alright sunshine I'll be down soon."   
...............................................................................................................................................  
Later that night we are laying in bed, Gwen's head laying on my chest her arm draped over my stomach. 

"Blake what did you and King talk about today?"

"Just guys stuff, why?" 

"He just seemed more relaxed, mire at ease after you guys came home."

"He did open up to me but I took care of it. We talked and he actually told me he loved me. I know he has been excepting of us but today we had a break through."

"What did he say? Should I be worried about him?"

"No you don't need to worry about he. He is good now."

"I don't know what you talked about but the way he was tonight. Thank you." 

She crawls up on top of me straddle me. She starts rolling her hips and a moan escapes my lips. I feel my member come to life as she continues rolling her hips. She leans down and whispers in my ear.....

"I guess I need to figure out how to thank you." She smirks her hips stop as she grabs my now hard member.


	29. Honesty

Blake's POV  
She crawls up on top of me straddle me. She starts rolling her hips and a moan escapes my lips. I feel my member come to life as she continues rolling her hips. She leans down and whispers in my ear.....

"I guess I need to figure out how to thank you." She smirks her hips stop as she grabs my now hard member

Next thing I know I feel her tongue lick a circle right around the tip. A shudder runs through my body next her tongue trails up the length of my dick base to tip, all while her hand messages my balls. She goes all in next taking as much of my dick in her mouth as she can. Sucking as hard as she can. 

"Gwen stop I'm gonna come." 

"No way cowboy I want to taste you! Then I'm gonna ride a cowboy." 

She goes back to sucking and the combined with her words has me spilling into her mouth in seconds. She laps up every last drop watching my face the whole time. When she is satisfied she moves back up and smashes against my lips. I can taste myself on her lips and it has my dick stirring again already. Next thing I know her hips are working their magic and I'm hard and ready to go. She is straddle me as she takes my dick in her hands and lines me up with her center before sliding down on me. I hiss and she moans. I don't care how many times I have taken Gwen it always feels like the first time. It's like two perfect puzzle pieces coming together. It only solidifies my thoughts that her and I were meant to be together. We were made for each other. Perfectly shaped to give each other the most pleasure possible. We build up a pace that had Gwen moaning and me fighting to wait until she comes. All of a sudden I feel her walls grip my dick as she falls over the edge trying not to scream and wake the kids. Her reaching her climax sends me over the edge as I feel my seed explode inside her. We both collapse, her lying on top of me my dick still inside her. 

"How did we ever live without this before cowboy? Like it's never been this good EVER." 

"I don't know but we never have to live without it again" I say flipping her onto her back work my way to her breast with my mouth.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
The next morning the boys all come running into our room jumping on the bed. Both Gwen and I snap to look at each other. We fell asleep naked. The boys are in our room jumping on the bed and we are completely naked underneath the covers. Gwen looks absolutely mortified. I just chuckle, at this point what else can we do. About that time Addie starts crying through her baby monitor.

"Alright boys how about you head down stairs and we will be right behind you."

"Why aren't u coming with us?" Zuma asks innocently 

Kings answer kills both of us. I thought for sure Gwen was gonna die. 

"Zum they are naked under there. They don't want us to see them naked." King tells his brothers nonchalantly as the three of them head out of the room to go down stairs.

 

I turn to Gwen who is now completely under the covers. I pull the covers back to just to see her face. 

"Oh my God Blake"

I just laugh finding this funny

"Blake omg this is not funny."

I move closer to her and plant a kiss on her forehead.

"Gwen we have a baby. I'm pretty sure they already know we get naked together." 

"Blake they are to young to know that stuff!" 

"Gwen honey King knows." I say pulling my boxers on and planting on last kiss on her forehead 

"I'm gonna go get Addie. Get dressed and come on sunshine" I tell her walking out of the room to get our baby girl.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
Zuma and I are in the car on the way to the park. I'm excited. I have a huge surprise for the little man and I can't wait for his reaction. I had to pull some serious strings to make this happen but I made it happen for him. 

"Hey dad" 

"What's up Zuma?"

"Thank you."

"For what little man?"

"For taking me to play basketball. I know it's not really your thing." 

"Well you may be right about that" I laugh a little "but we aren't just playing basketball today."

"We aren't? What are we doing then?"

"You'll have to wait a see. It's waiting for us at the park." 

We finally pull into the parking lot of the park. We both get out and I grab the bag of balls. We walk to the basket ball court. Until Zuma starts pulling on my shirt. 

"Dad do you know who that is?" 

"Who that guy?" 

He shakes his head yes his eyes as wide as they will go. It makes me smile already seeing the excitement in his face

"Surprise buddy I got him to come play with us!"

"You know Brandon Ingram?"

"I don't know him but I know some of his friends who helped me get him here."

"Your the best dad!!!" He yells hugging me before running up to the player from the lakers

We spend the whole afternoon playing basketball with Brandon. He is teaching Zuma his tricks and he is loving every second of it. At one point I take a break and sit back watching them and taking pictures. I had told Gwen what my plan was and she had helped me out a little bit to make it all come together. When it's getting close to dinner time, I can tell Zuma is tiring out. Him and Brandon walk over to the bench I'm sitting on watching them. 

"Dad Brandon said we can go to a lakers game!!!" Zuma practically yells in excitement 

"Oh yeah buddy?" 

"I told him if it was ok with you guys, you could come to a game and sit on the court. You all pick a game and let me know how many of you want to come. I can take you guys in the locker room too and have someone show you around before the game." 

"Wow man that's real nice of you." 

"Dad can we go please??"

"Of course little man. We will talk to mom and see when we can go." 

"Yes he exclaims." Hugging Brandon 

We exchange numbers and thank you's and Zuma and I make our way to the truck. The hole ride home he chatters away about everything Brandon taught him and how much fun he had. Makes me so happy to see him so excited and enjoying himself. Out of all of the kids Zuma is the one who holds everything in not letting us know how he is really coping with not seeing his dad and sometimes he is just so quiet. So to see him really happy and enjoying himself is really nice.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
That night we are laying bed having our adult time talking. 

"So cowboy are we all good with Addie's baptism?" 

"Yep I have the plane schedule set up to get everyone here." 

"Good now we have one thing left to short out." 

"What might that be sunshine?"

"Godparents." She huffs

"Well sunshine what are you thinking?" 

"I'm conflicted I want Todd and Jen. But I also want to include your family. She is really important to you family." 

"Does she have to have just one set or can she have two?" 

"I don't know it's usually just one but maybe we could fudge that rule."

"You know what I have an idea sunshine. What if we make your brother her Godfather and my sister her Godmother. That would give them both an attachment to her. We can take both couples out when my sister gets here and explain why we did it this way." 

She leans over and presses her lips to mine. It's not a soft kiss or a sloppy one, but one that shows just how much you love the other. 

"Cowboy that's a perfect idea. It connects Addie to both families. I love it." 

She lays her head on my chest and snuggles up to me. I wrap my arm around her pulling her into me as close as I can. 

"Blake" 

"Yeah babe?"

"You sure you and your family is ok with this?"

"What the baptism?"

"Yeah"

"Absolutely Gwen. We may not have the exact same belief but baptism is something I think we all agree on." 

"Ok I just wanted to make sure. I don't ever want you to just agree with me on something if you don't really agree."

I reach for her chin and pull it up to look me in the eye. 

"Gwen when we started us, we agreed to be honest with each other no matter what. I take that seriously. I will never lie to you to avoid and argument, we both know that doesn't work out well. I would not survive if you left me so I take all my promises to you very seriously."

"Thank you. I'm sorry that I doubted you"

"Gwen don't apologize. We have both be in situations where we had to doubt to survive. But we don't have to do that anymore. We have honesty now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you continue to love this story! I love your comments!!!!


	30. Finally reunited

Blake's family is all coming in today. I take the boys to school while Blake got the babies ready to be out most of the day. It's hard to believe Addie is four months old already. She is growing up so fast, and it breaking Blake and I's hearts. We were lucky to get her and we know there is no way we would be able to get pregnant again. We also know that four is a good number. We were ok with four. I'm brought out of my thoughts as I pull back into the driveway. We literally have 15 mins till we have to go and I'm not dressed yet. I head in praying Blake has the babies dressed and ready.

As I open the door I immediately know this is a war zone. I hear Apollo yelling no at the top of his lungs and I can hear Blake telling him to put his clothes on. I hear Addie screaming her head off too. So I head to the living room where all the noise is coming from. Apollo is running around butt naked with Blake sitting on the couch, his face in his hands, and Addie crying on her mat. Yep we are gonna be late. I walk up behind the couch placing my hands on his shoulders and bend down to kiss his cheek. 

"Are we having a rough morning cowboy?"

"Gwen next time I'm taking the boys to school." 

I laugh grabbing Apollo as he runs by me. I turn him around so he is looking straight at me. 

"Apollo enough. You are to go over to Blake and put your cloths on. Do you understand me?" 

I'm using my mom voice now and not the happy one. He looks at me as tears pull in his eyes and he shakes his head yes. I put him down sending him to Blake as I walk over to Addie and pick her up.

"I changed her into her cloths and put her on the mat. She was fine for like ten minutes and then she started screaming and I can't get her to stop." Blake tells me

"Baby girl what's wrong. Shhhhh?" 

It's then that I place my hand on her back and figure out why she is so upset. She has poop up her back. One of those gross mom moments. 

"Babe she has poop up her back that's why she is crying. I'm gonna go change her and get myself dressed."

I look over and see Apollo fighting putting his shirt on.

"Apollo Bowie Flynn knock it off. Right now." 

He stops fighting and his head drops. Satisfied he will listen now, I head to Addie's room to change her. Picking out her clothes is just as bad as me picking out my own clothes. It takes me five minutes of back and fourth before I settle on a tutu Endy got her. When I'm satisfied with her outfit and headband I take her to my room. I already have my clothes out, thank goodness or we would be really late. By the time I get downstairs Blake has Apollo ready and has the baby bags by the door.

"Ready to go sunshine?" 

"Yep just gotta get Addie in her car seat. Oh can you run into Addie's room and get her blanket I forgot it." 

"Yep on it."

We finally get loaded in the SUV, both of us letting out a sigh of relief. 

"Only 20 minutes late leaving sunshine. Pretty decent for a morning outing." 

I bust out laughing because the thing is it's truth. None of us are morning people. Getting the boys up and off to school is a nightmare, especially the mornings Apollo goes to. They are cranky, I'm cranky, Blake is even cranky most mornings. So to then have to have the babies ready to go right after I get back, is just a nightmare.   
...............................................................................................................................................

We make it to the airport 10 minutes after the plane lands. Lucky for us everyone was just getting on the plane as we pulled in. Not everyone could fit in our SUV so we had Louie, Blake's assistant, meet us at the airport with a rented SUV. She is like family to us. That's one thing I love about Blake if he cares for someone, he loves them with his whole heart. I am so blessed. We get out of the car to go say hi to everyone. 

"Baby boy!" Dot says wrapping her arms around Blake's neck. 

"Hey mom! I missed you!"

"I'm always missing you! Gwen come here honey give me a hug!" Dot says as she throws her arms around me 

"Hi Dot we are glad your here!" 

"Ekkk Gwen!!!" I hear as I look and see Endy running to me

"Ahhh Endy hi!" I say wrapping her in a hug

The kids run and hug Blake and I. After everyone has finally greeted each other we get ready to head back to the house. 

"I want to ride with my grand babies." Dot says as we explain we have to take two cars and introduce Louie to everyone. 

"Well the big boys are at school but we have Apollo and Addie in the car with us. So of course Dot you riding with us."

We all pile into the cars and start heading to the house. 

"Gamma! Miss you!" Apollo yells as Dot gets in the car. 

"Apollo sweetie grandma missed you to so much!"

"Oh my Gwen look at her. Blake honey she is gorgeous. She looks like the perfect mixture of the two of you." Dot gushes

"Yeah we are really blessed. She is pretty perfect." Blake says

"So is it to soon to start asking about another grand baby?"

"Mom." Blake exclaims while I swallow.

"It's ok Blake she is just being a grandma." I tell him grabbing his hand. 

"Dot we talked about it and quite frankly we were lucky to have Addie. It's just not in the cards for us. We decided we are ok with that, four kids are enough for us." 

"Well as much as I would love another Addie I understand. Four grand babies, I can live with."  
...............................................................................................................................................  
We get back to the house showing everyone to a room. Blake's mom and step dad is one room. Endy and her husband in another, and we send the kids into our kids rooms. Blake set up two huge blow up mattresses for the kids, one in Zuma's room and one in King's room. 

"Aunt Gwen" 

"Hey Ryan what's up hun?" 

"When are Kingston and Zuma gonna be home?" 

"Hmm let's see Blake and I are gonna leave in about 20 minutes to go get them ok?"

"Thanks aunt Gwen."

"Your welcome hun."

She turns to run off but stops

"Hey aunt"

"Yeah?"

"I love you"

"Aww I love you to hun!"  
...............................................................................................................................................

We are all sitting around the table that night. My whole family and Blake's whole family together in our house. Everyone talking and laughing. All the kids chatting away. Blake and I look at all of the them and then at each other with the biggest smiles. We have what we have longed for! 

"So mom we were wondering if you and dad would mind watching all the kids tomorrow so Todd, Jenn, Endy, Mike, Blake, and I can go out to dinner?" 

"Sure honey. Dot did you want to help me?" Pattie said

"Absolutely I would love that!" Dot answered 

"Great so Endy Jenn we are good to go right?" 

"Yeah we are all good" Jenn answered

"Obviously we are good" Endy chimes in

"Great we want to talk to you guys about something." I tell the women 

"Oh should we be worried?" Endy questions Jenn following her feelings with a concerned look on her face

"Oh my gosh no. You will be happy actually."

"Okay?!" They both say suspiciously

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure my thoughts on this chapter but here it is... comments appreciated


	31. God parents

We are sitting around a table at the best Italian restaurant in Hollywood. We are all scoping out the menu trying to decide what sounds the best. Blake and I are busting at the seems ready to tell them what we came up with for Addie's god parents, but we want to wait until the perfect time. 

"This place is so gorgeous! We don't have anything like this back in Tish." Endy says looking around the restaurant. 

"This is my favorite nice place to eat out. We don't eat out much but I love it. You know as much as I love the kids it is so nice to have a night out without them." Jen states

"Blake and I have literally not had an all grown ups nite since Addie was born." I join in

"Woah now that's not from having no opportunity. Mom and I have begged to keep Addie." Jen retorts 

"I know but it's been really hard to leave her. I don't know why. I wasn't like this with the boys but with her it literally kills me." I defend 

"Trust me Gwen they are hard to leave but you have to do it. You need to have time for just you and Blake." Endy says

"Yeah but I don't want to take her out and she be upset and sad cause she misses Addie you know. We have alone time when the kids go to bed." Blake chimes in feeling protective of Gwen and he respects how much she loves their kids. 

"It's ok babe I do think it's gotten easier lately and some more kid free outing are in order. We could surely use some more alone time." I say looking Blake directly in the eye

"Damn women." He leans forward and smashes his lips to hers

"Ok ok we get it! To much pda for the brother here" Todd says waving his hands as if it say break it up. 

Blake pulls away laughing and blushing. Me the rebellious sister, I look directly at my brother. Then I lean in and plant a kiss on Blake's lips before adding tongue. It's a filthy dirty kiss, that leaves Blake breathless when I pull back smirking at my brother. 

"Gwen you suck ok. That was gross!" 

The waiter comes to take our orders and bring us our drinks. We go around the table placing our orders as the waiter takes our menus. The waiter leaves and a silence takes over the table. 

"Ok so the main point of dinner tonight is we have an announcement plus a question for you guys." Blake dives in

"Woah you guys are pregnant again already are you? Like damn." Todd jokes

"No jerk face. Blake and I decided on Addie's Godparents. We decided on an unconventional approach because we want both couples to play a large role in our daughters life. With that said, Todd and Endy we would like you guys to be her Godparents." 

"Oh my gosh yes I want to be her Godmother!" Endy exclaims tears rolling 

"Absolutely sis I would be honored." No tears but a choked up Todd answers

"We did it this way so both couple have a big role in Addie's life." 

"We are honored Gwen." Mike answered as Endy was still extremely emotional 

"Yeah guys thanks." Todd said

It's weird to Todd so serious. Meanwhile Endy is still crying. I look from her to Blake telling him without words he needs to be the one to talk to her. 

"Sis are you ok?" Blake asks leaning into his sister wrapping his arms around her. 

She leans into him placing her head on his chest. Tears not letting up. He holds his sister, arms wrapped around her rocking her back and forth. After what feels like forever but likely only a few seconds, her sobs begin to slow. 

"En what's up?"

She leans around Blake to look at me.

"Gwen you have changed our family by saving my brother. We lost Richie and then when the witch hurt Blake, he turned to alcohol. We thought we had lost him. And then he starting talking to you and the sparkle was back in his eye. And then his smile came back, and his laugh. Now you have given us a little Blake and we are beyond grateful. Now knowing we will get to take care of her, is yet another blessing. Gwen by saving my brother, you saved our family. And for that I'll never be able to thank you enough." 

I stand up and walk around to her wrapping her in a hug. I now have tears pouring down my face. As I hug his sister Blake reaches his hand up and places it on my cheek wiping away my tears. After our melt down of emotions we all set back into a pleasant conversation joking back and fourth. My phone rings looking down I see who it is and excuse myself a second taking the call. When I come back everyone else is finished eating and ready to go. We make it back home in time to put the kids to bed. All of the bigger kids are tucked in, Endy and Mike are playing with Addie. While we have the chance we both take Apollo to bed. Blake sits in the rocking chair first. I sit down on his lap Apollo cradled in my arms. He is getting so big I know we won't have many more times like this. He snuggles into my chest his hand going to Blake's ear. We rock while Blake sings Who Are You When I'm Not Looking. By the end of the song Apollo is peacefully asleep. We place him in his new big boy bed. 

"Hey guys we are gonna steal Addie from ya. We are gonna head to bed." I say smiling at Mike and Endy playing with our sweet baby girl. 

"Ok I think we need to head to bed as well. I'm sure the munchkins will be up bright and early." 

We say our good nights and head to our bedrooms. Blake and I crawl into bed with Addie after getting into our pjs. Blake sits his back against the headboard. I cuddle up to him my back against his chest. 

"Blake?" 

"Yeah sunshine?" 

"How bad was it? How bad did you get?" 

"Before you?" 

"Yeah."

"Gwen let's not go there."

"Please babe I want to know."

"Gwen before you, alcohol was my best friend. I drank more and more hoping one day it would all end. I was at the point that I did think that everyone was better off without me. But then you came along. You were so sad and I made you smile and you made me smile. Then I started drinking less seeing you more. Then I stopped all together when we kissed the first time. You literally saved my life Gwen."

I turn my head back to look at him. 

"I love you Blake Shelton." 

"I love you to sunshine." 

We kiss. We both look down at our now sleeping baby girl. She truly is a miracle baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! I may have another chapter ready to post


	32. Parenting as a couple

Blake and I lay in silence for a few minutes. 

"Cowboy remember I got that phone call from my agent at dinner?" I question him 

"Yeah I remember. What was that all about?" Blake ask

"Well they got me a gig in London." 

"Wow London that's so far away." 

"I accepted it."

"Wait what?" Shock on his face

"Without even talking to me?" I see his face fall just a little 

"I'm sorry I didn't think you would mind." I answer genuinely shocked he is upset

"It's ok I guess. Isn't it gonna be really hard to be away from Addie? And the boys?" 

"Away from them? I'm just gonna take them with me. It will be great for the boys they can see their fathers parents." 

"So you just made this whole plan without talking to me about it?" He said a lil bit bitterly 

"Well you have a couple shows that weekend so I didn't see a problem with it."

"Gwen the point is you didn't ask me! Those are my kids too. You don't get to just decide to take them all on your own. That's not how parenting as a couple works!"

"Wow Blake. I thought you would be happy for me. After seven months off I finally get to do a show." I say siting up looking at him 

"Gwen you aren't taking the kids. That's way to long of a flight for them especially Apollo and Addie." 

"Excuse me? Wow Blake wow. Talk about making the decision alone you just did the same thing." 

I can't handle anymore of this right now I'm exhausted and too emotional to continue this conversation. I can feel the tears in my eyes spill down my cheeks. I look away and get up to get my bathrobe walking out of the room. As I leave I hear him say "Gwen you can't just leave". I revert to the response ingrained in my mind. "Watch me" I whisper to myself. I head in the kitchen to make tea. As the water is warming the tears are just pouring down my face. This is the first time Blake and I have ever fought. All the memories of Gavin and I comes flooding back into my head. I knew the shoe was gonna fall sooner or later. The to good to be true was a lie. I can't believe I let myself think we could have the special love and understanding of each other. I suddenly feel two strong hands grab the sides of my waist from behind. 

"Gwen, baby, please don't cry. I'm sorry I reacted that way. I really am." 

Sobs wrack my body harder. He turns me around pulling me to his chest. Im mad at him. I shouldn't be turning to him for comfort and strength, but I need him. So I give in and I bury my face in his chest and cry. His hand rubs circles on my back trying to calm me. 

"Blake I'm sorr......"

"Shhh sunshine its late let's not do this now. We will work something out. I promise. Ok?" he says looking me in the eyes

"Ok" I say almost a whisper

He takes my hand and leads me back to bed. We lay down but we don't touch each other, laying on opposite sides of the bed. Tears continue to fall as I will sleep to come, but it does not and I know why. Both of us toss and turn until around 5am. 

"Gwen can we put this aside for now and you just come here? I can't sleep and neither can you." 

I don't answer him. I just turn over and crawl to him. My head rests on his chest and my leg falls in between his. His arms are wrapped around me squeezing me to his chest. We both must have fallen asleep as we are jolted awake by the alarm telling us to get up and get the boys up for school. I don't look at him or say a word. I climb out of his arms and move to go get the boys up.  
...............................................................................................................................................  
I get home from taking the boys to school. Apollo went this morning too, which is good as I think of the discussion I know Blake and I are about to have. What makes this even harder is the fact that his mother and sister are in the house to. I don't want to fight in front of everyone. I want to be strong and hold this conversation off until they return home but I can't. I miss Blake. I miss my good morning kiss. I miss his warmth. I miss him, everything about him. I wipe the tears off my face as I get out of the SUV. I walk into the house hearing them all in the living room talking and playing with Addie. I pop my head around the corner into the room. I'm taken aback by the site of my cowboy sitting in the chair staring at our daughter tears running down his face. No one else seemed to notice but I did. 

"Blake can I talk to?" Bringing everyone's attention to us as he gets up walking my way

We head up stairs to our room. We both sit on the bed and just stare at each other for a few minutes. Finally I reach out and grab his hand pulling it to my lap. 

"I'm sorry" we both say at the same time making us cautiously smile at each other

"Blake I'm sorry." 

"Gwen" he interrupts 

"No please let me talk first. I'm so sorry. I'm not used to having a partner in parenting. Gavin never cared what the boys and I did as long as it didn't mess up his schedule. I know your not him but out of poor habit I just made plans myself. I know your not him and I need to stop those reflexes by thinking before I act. I'm trying Blake I really am. Please forgive me! I miss you. I need you. I don't have to go I'll cancel with my agent as soon as we are finished here." 

"Gwen I cancelled my shows. Or moved them to another date I should say. I'll have to have a few long weekends to make up for it but I will do anything to stop your tears." He says as he reaches up and brushes a few away

"What? Blake why?" I'm flabbergasted 

"Because now all of us together can go to London. You have help Gwen. I'm right here. You don't have to do this alone anymore."

"Blake are you serious? You moved shows and stuff just so we all can go?" I lean in planting a huge kiss on his lips. 

"Are you sure?" I ask not being totally sure if this is real

"100% sure. I'm not him Gwen. It's me the cowboy, who would lasso the moon for you if you wanted it. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect Gwen. I'm sorry I fail that last night."

"Your right you aren't him. I have never been on even ground parenting with anyone. And because of that I have to learn how to do this as a team. I don't want anyone on my team but you. Please be patient with me. I love you so much and this has been hell. I need my cowboy." 

"I love you to sunshine. I know your learning but I'm learning to so I'm sorry if I am overprotective. I just can't imagine a world without our family in it. So we are all going to London for your gig together."

I leap forward my arms wrapping around his neck, my lip crashing into his, and him pulling me into his lap. Our tongues battle. The electricity between us is almost painful. We brake apart both of us trying to catch our breaths. Blake let's a huge grin come across his face as one follows onto my face. 

"As much as I really would love to have hot sex right now, your family is all in the living room. They are probably losing their minds trying to figure out what wrong since we were both crying." 

"Shit. So my family is cock blocking is what your saying?" I nod my head yes

"Sorry cowboy but rain check please?" 

"Absolutely" 

We smile plant one more loving kiss on each other's lips, before heading downstairs cuddled together as tight as we can. We walk into the living room where everyone is. The room falls silent, and everyone looks super uncomfortable. 

"Every..."cough" thing ok?" Dot gets out

"Yeah everything is fine mom. Just a rough night last night." 

He gives them this explanation hoping that will settle their minds so they don't worry or pry. 

"Okay baby boy. Gwen we think Addie may be hungry. She is getting a little fussy and we already changed her diaper." 

"Okay thanks I'll go feed her. Oh and guess what?"

"What?" Dot asks intrigued 

"We are going to give her baby food for the first time ever at her party! That way you guys get to be apart of a big first!"

Dot and Endy both begin to cry coming over to us giving us hugs and thank you's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy!


	33. Baptism

That morning is a bit of organized chaos. Blake was saddled with getting Zuma and King fed and dressed. I left Apollo in Dots hands. I'm rushing to finish my hair when I hear the baby monitor go off signaling that Addie is awake and hungry. I quick finish my hair and head to her room. 

"Hi sweet girl!" I say looking down at her and she smiles a huge grin back up at me. 

"Are you hungry baby girl?" I ask her and she babbles back at me 

I pick her up and head to the rocking chair. I sit down and we get situated. I sing to her quietly and rock while she is eating. My favorite mom and baby time. 

"Hey sunshine?" I hear Blake as he cracks open the door and pops his head in.

"Hey cowboy"

"The boys are all ready. Anything else I can do to help?" 

"Yeah come cuddle with us till she is finished." I say poking my lip out.

He opens the door a lil farther and comes in. I stand up letting him sit in the chair before plopping in his lap. 

"How's our princess this morning?" 

"She is good. She was babbling away at me when I first came in." 

"I can't get over her doing that like it's the sweetest thing I think I have ever seen." 

"Yeah makes me sad though she is growing up so fast ya know. Before long she is gonna be running around here and our time of babies will be over." 

"Yeah I know. But she will always be our baby girl no matter what." 

Just then Addie let's go and turns her head up at us. She smiles so big as we smile at her. Blake has been trying to get her to say dada since she started babbling, and with out telling him I've been trying to. I want Blake to have that joy of her saying his name first. I had that blessing with all three of my boys. Their dad had zero interest in them as babies so they all bonded more with me. 

"Hi princess! Dada loves you so much!" Blake tells her

She looks up at him and she babbles. We both smile at her and how beautiful she is. 

"Babe can you put her in her dress while I go get dressed?" 

"Absolutely sunshine." 

"Thanks" I say planting a kiss on his lips giving Addie to him as I head to the bedroom to get myself dressed.  
...............................................................................................................................................  
Once at the church my nerves start to get to me. I want this to go perfect, for Blake and his family. This is it for them and I want it to be perfect. We sit in the front row with Endy and Todd. The priest speaks and beings reading scripture. The whole time my nerves growing. Suddenly Blake's arm snakes around me and he leans in planting a kiss on my temple while I hold our baby girl. My nerves are instantly gone. I know that with him by my side I have nothing to worry about. I lean into him as I sit trying to keep Addie occupied with the toy we brought for her. She is so interactive now. She left that new born stage and now she plays and examines everything. I'm brought out of my thoughts as the priest requests us bring Addie up with her Godparents. 

"What name do you give your child?" The priest asks

"Adelaide Caprice Malaya Shelton." I answer

"What do you ask of Gods church for Adelaide?"

"We ask for Baptism."

"By asking for baptism you are accepting the responsibility to raise her in the faith. Do you understand your responsibility?" 

"We do." Blake and I answer 

"Godparents are you ready to help the parents of this child in their duty?"

"We are." Todd and Endy 

"Adelaide, we welcome you with great joy. I now claim you for Christ our Savior by the sign of the cross. I know trace the cross on your forehead, and invite your parents and Godparents to do the same." 

We all take turns in drawing the cross on her forehead. Next he leads the renunciation of sin and profession of faith. 

"This is our faith. This is the faith of the church, we are proud to profess it, in Christ Jesus our lord." The priest proclaims 

"Amen" the whole room agrees 

"Is it your wish that Adelaide Caprice Malaya Shelton be baptized in the faith of the church?"

"It is" Blake and I answer

Blake takes Addie holding her in a lying position above the basin the church has set up.

"Adelaide, I baptize you in the name of the father" the priest states as he pours water over the top of her head

"And of the son" again pour water over the top of her head

"And of the Holy Spirit " pouring the water over her head for the last time.

All of our friends and family clap showing their support. We gather to the back of the church as everyone moves to leave. After we have thanked everyone, we move back to the front of the church take take pictures with the priest. The whole family in one. Blake and I feel so blessed as we see the sheer size of our family. The next one Blake and I with the priest holding Addie. The next one, the boys Blake Addie and I. Then the Godparents Addie and the priest. Addie begins to lose interest and starts her hungry cry. 

"Blake do I have time to feed her here or should I make her wait?" 

"Babe didn't you bring a bottle so we could feed her in the car?" 

"Yeah but I want to feed her." I plead giving him the pouty face

He walks up to me placing both hands on my cheeks "baby don't use that on me you know we don't have much time to get home and changed before everyone gets to the house."

"I know I'm just realizing this part is almost over and I don't want it to be" I tell him tearing up

"I know sunshine. I know." He says pulling me into his chest  
...............................................................................................................................................  
We make it home and Blake and I change in lightening speed. Blake takes Addie to change her into the outfit I have laid out, while I head to the kitchen to help Dot and my mom get all the party food out on the table. 

"Gwen that dress you had on Addie was so precious!" Dot exclaims  

"Thanks I really liked it to." 

"She designed it mom." Blake says bringing in a newly dressed Addie.

"Really Gwen?" Dot asks 

"Yeah I combined my dress, Blake's out fit, and the boys outfits. I wanted it to be special for our special little angel." I say walking over a planting a kiss on Addie's cheek and placing a kiss on Blake's lips

"That amazing and so sweet Gwen. My son is very lucky to have you as the mother of his baby." Dot gushes

"Well I'm lucky to have him as her father! He is an amazing dad and Addie loves him so much." 

"Gwen babe we are in trouble." Blake suddenly states 

I turn around and start to say "what" but then I see. Addie has reach up and is playing with his ear examining it and playing with it.

"Lovely Addie already copying your brother." 

"I think it's cute" Dot says

"It's cute at first but when it becomes habit like Apollo is not so cute." I laugh knowing once again I'm not gonna get to wear earrings again for a while. 

Once the food is all out and before the guest arrive, I sneak upstairs to feed Addie since she barely took any of the bottle. I cry while I watch her knowing she is my last baby and she is growing up so fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Cat for all your help it would be what it is without you!!!! Thanks to my other editors as well!!


	34. Carnival and babies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is new just put it in the messed up blank chapters spot

We made sure to make this party very special. We went all out. Pony rides, bounce houses, cotton candy, popcorn, bean bag toss, and a clown who does balloon animals. As the guests begin to arrive, Blake and I greet them and usher them out to the backyard where everything is set up. The door bell rings and I walk to the door holding Addie. 

"Ahhhh soooo excited! I missed you!" Behati screamed giving me a side hug since I have Addie on my hip

"I missed you too! Come in. The party is out back. Hi Dusty!" 

"Hi aunt Gen" a sweet Dusty answers

I gave Adam a hug as he comes through the door.

"Adam look at her! She is so precious. Gwen I can't believe it's taken us so long to meet her! Here!" She hands me a big gift bag while making over Addie

"You didn't have to get anything!" 

"Hmm I wanted to go shopping Gwen so yes I did." Behati says being totally serious. I put the bag on the counter as we head out to the party. 

Once we are on the patio Blake walks over to us wrapping Adam in a hug, before settling beside me. 

"Boys Behati and I are gonna go check on the food and everything in the kitchen. Can you to handle the girls?" I ask

"Yeah we got them. Right Blake?" Adam answers 

"Yeah" Blake backs him.  
.........................................  
Blake's POV

Adam and I walk over to the grass with Addie's bin of outside toys. It blows my mind how we both have changed so much since we met. Here we both are fathers of little girls and madly in love with their mothers. 

"Man it's crazy, this right here. Our daughters playing together. Never would have seen this coming." Adams says staring at the pair of girls

"Me either man. Every day when she looks at me with that huge smile, I pinch myself. I don't know how I got so lucky." I answer 

"Has she called you dada yet?" 

"No but the babbling has been going on a few weeks, so I hope soon. At the same time I don't want it to happen cause then I know she is growing up. Gwens been havin a hard time with her growing up, and I don't know what to tell her. I mean it just as hard for me, but there is no way we could have another one ya know."

"Why not?"

"Adam we were extremely lucky with Addie. I don't see us getting that lucky again." 

"Yeah you were lucky to have her but if you both want another one why not try. If she doesn't get pregnant she doesn't get pregnant but at least you can say you tried." 

"Yeah I guess your right. We will have to seriously sit down and decide if that's what we want." 

"Wait a minute can you say that again while I bask in it?"

"What?......oh your right Adam" I say grabbing his face with both my hand and kissing his cheek while he pulls away

"Stop oh my gosh your such a kid Blake." We both laugh

"Man your a year ahead of me man. Does raising a baby get any easier? Gwen can tell you what each cry means, and here I am wondering what the hell she means by different cries." 

"Oh I feel ya. Behati is the same way. I think it's the mother in them. It does and it doesn't get easier. I mean Dusty can tell me want up if she is upset now. But let me tell you. When they cry cause they are hurt or upset your heart aches just as much, and when they do something new your heart still explodes. I think we are screwed man. We dont own our hearts anymore. Their moms took part of it and they took the rest." 

"Yeah it's crazy. I was thinking about it the other day. When it was just Gwen, the boys, and I, I thought my heart could possibly hold anymore love and yet as soon as Gwen told me she was pregnant more love poured in for this tiny little baby that I didn't know existed a second before."

"Behati wants another baby I'm scared. I'm already a nervous wreck with one." 

"I won't lie and tell ya it's easy or that your not nervous every second of the day hoping they are all ok. But let me tell you man. Those quiet nights all sitting on the couch watching a movie together are worth every second of worry." 

We smile at each as we watch our girls play with the toys.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
Gwen's POV

That night, the kids finally all in bed, I lay in my cowboys arms in our bed. I can hear the wheels turning in his head and can feel his heartbeat speeding away. I snuggle deeper into his hold, hoping to pull him out of his thoughts and remind him I'm here. However all he does is tighten his hold on me. So I give up moving back to look at his face. His blue eyes piercing back at my dark brown ones. I can tell he wants to say something but doesn't know how I will react. 

"Cowboy your heart is racing and I can feel the tension while your thinking. What's going on?"

"I'm just thinking" 

I wait for him to continue but he doesn't. 

"Ok so tell me." 

He takes in a deep breath before explaining. 

"I had a talk with Adam today at the party. We were talking about the girls and how sad it is to see them grow up so fast. Also about how hard it has been for us to accept Addie being our last baby. And he made a good point." 

"Ok" I answer not sure of where this might be going

"If we really want another baby why don't we just try. If it happens that's amazing and if it doesn't then well we know it wasn't meant to be."

"Babe do we want five kids though?" 

"I don't know do you?" 

Silence falls between us and you could slice right through the tension passing in the air. Neither of us wanting to say yes or no. Both of us scared to get our hopes up. Just then the baby monitor goes off, Addie's blood curdling scream comes though. I start to get up but Blake lays a hand on my should as he is getting up. I watch as he walks out of our bedroom door. Holy shit. The thought of another baby has me so mixed up emotionally. I just lay there trying to process staring at the white ceiling. Blake walk back in with Addie in his arms. He crawls in bed placing her between us. Both of us adjusting so we are laying on our sides facing each other looking down at our angel. She is still a little upset so I place my hand on her belly rubbing softly. 

"It's ok princess mama and dada are right here." Blake tells her softly

She looks up at both of us and smiles, her hand grabbing Blake's ear. I can do nothing but laugh with heart eyes as she and Blake seem to hold a conversation. Her babbling and him pretending to be totally invested in their conversation. This goes on until she turns her attention to me still holding and playing with Blake's ear. She continues babbling seeming to hold a full conversation with both Blake and I. She continues to babbles before she rolls on to her belly scooting toward Blake and says "dada". We both freeze as huge smiles break across our faces. I look to Blake and she the tears pouring down his face as he says

"Yeah that's right baby girl I'm dada." He pulls her closer to him as he plants a kiss on top of her head. 

"Sunshine did you hear her or did I imagine that?"

"She said it cowboy. She loves her dada." I smile in love with this exchange

"Mommy! Daddy!" Apollo yells as he comes running in our room

We both laugh as he climbs on the bed and I sit up and begin tickling him. Blake sits up and joins in. I turn and tickle Addie. She starts laughing too. Apollo the turns his attention to Addie tickling her belly like he had just seen me do. She laughs and smiles up at him. He leans over and places a kiss on her cheek. My heart melts as I watch. I look to Blake to makes sure he saw too. The size of the smile on his face tells me he did. This might not normally have been a big deal but Apollo has been completely uninterested in his sister since she was born. Seeing him show affection to her let's us know we are making progress and that he really does love her. The two older boys come on our room to join the fun. The conversation Blake and I were in the middle of place on the back burner as our attention goes to our family and getting them fed.


	35. Exploding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you didn't get the notification chapter 34 was a new chapter posted Saturday. It got messed up and then didn't show it as an update. So if you didn't read chapter 34 since Saturday go back and read that first. Sorry for the craziness

Blake and I have literally avoided all conversation when the kids aren't around. The talk of another baby has both of us nervous and on edge. I don't know if its because of what we think the other thinks or what but I dread the conversation. I don't want to say no because I want another baby with him, but at the same time I'm scared to say yes. What if we say yes and try and don't get pregnant or do try and something is wrong with the baby? I don't know. The further off we put the conversation, the longer before we have to face it. At night when the boys go to bed we have sex till we pass out from exhaustion. We try to act completely normal in front of the kids but kids pick up on tension.  
...............................................................................................................................................  
"Miss Stefani this is Stephen Moss, the principle of Kingston school."

"Oh hi, is everything ok? Is Kingston ok?" Suddenly hit with fear

"Oh Kingston is fine I'm sorry to scare you ma'am. I called because we are having some unusual behavior issues with Kingston over the last week. I wanted to know if maybe there was something new going on at home. I know their have been issues with his father and I was wonder if maybe something new came up?" 

"No his father is completely out of the picture at this point. However I have an idea what might be bothering him. I assure you my fiancé and I will address this with Kingston tonight. Can I ask what he did?" 

"Well he hasn't turned in the last few assignments and he has been giving the teachers attitude which is not like him at all."

"He did all of his homework though, I even checked it. I'm not sure what's going on but like I said my fiancé and I will take care of it. Please let me know if you continue to have problems." 

"I will Miss Stefani. Give Mr. Shelton my regards." 

And we hung up. I look at my phone knowing I have to call Blake. He went into the studio to work on a new album, aka avoiding me. Like I did this morning feeding Addie in her nursery while he was eating breakfast, instead of in the kitchen with him like every other morning. Just as I'm about to hit call, Addie starts crying from her play mat. I go over checking her diaper even thought I just changed her. Nothing. I just fed her so I don't know why she is crying. 

"Mommy sissy ok?" Apollo asked worry etched on his little face.

He has become so protective of her over the last week. If she cries he is right there telling her it's ok and that he loves her. It makes my heart explode to see him finally accept her.

"Yeah baby she's ok. she is just upset." I tell him picking Addie up bouncing her trying to calm her tears

She buries her head in my chest. Her little hands gripping my shirt for dear life. My heart breaks. It's Blake and I's fault our kids are having these issues. We can't be grown up enough to talk and because of it our kids are acting out. I put in a movie for Apollo and sit in the recliner with Addie on my chest. I rock her rubbing her back until I feel her body go limp. She fell asleep. Instead of putting her in her bassinet I hold her. I leave her on my chest to sleep knowing I didn't have to go get the boys. I take full advantage of cuddle time. Blake had said on his way out this morning that he would get the boys on the way home from the studio, hence avoiding being alone. This isn't Blake and I. We are always so open with each other. Honesty and communication the two biggest factors in our relationship, and we are avoiding them. I'm not worried about us because let me tell you the sex has been amazing so the chemistry is definitely still there. Apollo walks up to the side of the chair pulling me out of my thoughts. 

"Mommy up pease?" 

"Come here buddy." I tell him grabbing him with one hand working to pull him up

I finally get him up in the chair with us and he leans in kissing Addie's head. He snuggles into my side and I'm thankful for this time with my babies. My babies. Apollo is going to preschool three days a week so next year this time Addie will be the only one home with me. I find myself doing the one thing I promised I wouldn't do. I'm hoping. I'm hoping Blake wants another baby. I'm hoping God gives us another miracle baby. Up until now I had only ever picture myself with four kids like my parent but now five seems to make so much more sense. It just feels right. As the movie goes off and the credits roll I look down to see Apollo fast asleep cuddled into my side, but the part that brings tears to my eyes is that he is holding Addie's hand. I turn on the camera on my phone and snap a picture of his hand holding hers. I send it to Blake with the caption we need to talk tonight. I get an answer seconds later. 

Elyce Kingston's teacher stopped me. He is in trouble. 

I know principle called too. Gx

Grounded? 

Yep Gx 

I sigh knowing it's gonna be a rough night. I feel myself drift off to sleep.  
...............................................................................................................................................  
I wake up to a kiss on my lips. I smile and kiss back. When I open my eyes I see my cowboy, but I take notice of the worry lines etched in his face. 

"I love you."

"I love you to sunshine. Want me to put Addie in the bassinet so we can talk and then talk to King?" 

I look down noticing Apollo isn't there. I look around the room starting to panic not knowing how long he had been awake and I was still asleep. Blake registers my freak out and places his palm to my cheek.

"Calm down he just got up when I came in with the boys. He is fine. He ran off with them."

I smile at him and motion for him to get Addie. Once he has her I get up and head to the kitchen to make a coffee for Blake and a tea for me. We sit down at the table across from each other drinks in hand. He reaches over and takes my empty hand in his. We sit there a minute cherishing this moment. Tears start to gather in my eye and one escapes down my face.

"Please don't cry Gwen." He says as he reaches up to wipe the tear away

For the first time since this conversation started and went unfinished, being alone isn't awkward. 

"Blake do you want to try again?" 

"Gwen I would be more than thrilled to have another baby, but if it's not something you want then I'm ok with that too. What's going on in head baby?"

"I'm scared."

He gets up and for a split second I think he is leaving, however before I have a chance to panic he is sitting next to me wrapping me in a hug. 

"I know this is scary Gwen. The whole time you were pregnant with Addie I was terrified. You know what made it less scary?" I shake my head no "You. Knowing you were by my side going through it with me. If you want another baby then let's try. I don't want fear to be the deciding factor, because I'm gonna be right there with you no matter what happens. I don't want us living with what ifs. Together you and I can face anything."

I pull back from his chest and kiss his lips. 

"I want another one too." 

"Is that a yes baby?" I shake my head yes a huge smile playing across my lips.

He smashes his lips into mine. It goes from sweet to needy in seconds. My tongue dives into his mouth exploring every part as if it's uncharted territory. Like on cue Addie begins crying and we part both a little breathless. I sigh resting my forehead on his chest. We both get up heading back into the living room. He sits on the couch while I get Addie. I set Addie up to feed and place the blanket over her and I. I nod to Blake to let him know I'm ready. 

"Kingston" Blake yells 

He sticks his head around the wall. 

"Yeah" King answers

"Come sit down please buddy." Blake says 

He cautiously walks into the room and sits down. 

"How is school going?" I ask him 

"Good" he answers trying to seem nonchalant but fails majorly. 

He got that from me. I can't lie to save my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope ur still loving the story trying to come up with a direction to take this since really the original idea is kind over


	36. Words hurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a lil shorter sorry

"Kingston James McGregor Rossdale!"

"What?" He says with attitude 

"You better try that answer again" I tell him

"I said school was good"

"Excuse me young man! You will not talk to your mother like that! Now apologize!" Blake sternly says

"I'm sorry mom" he mumbles

"Now how about explaining why you haven't turned your assignments in?" 

"Because" he says quietly 

"Because why?" 

"I don't know ok."

"Excuse me. This attitude happening here and at school stops right now! We are trying to give you the chance to explain yourself. This isn't the Kingston we now. So as of right now your grounded. No friends. No iPad. No tv."

"Are you serious? Mom really."

"Yes King. I'm sorry but this behavior is not acceptable." I tell him

"This is not fair!" He look right at Blake "Your not my dad!!! I hate you!" 

Kingston gets up running out of the room and we hear his door slam. I'm beyond shocked. My sweet boy is never like this. Addie let's go telling me she is done. I place her on her play mat and turn to Blake. His face is in his hands. I can tell by his breathing he is crying. I walk over to him pulling his face out of his hands. Tears are streaming down his face. I push his shoulders back so I can sit on his lap. I pull his head into my chest and his arms wrap around my waist. 

"Babe he didn't mean it. He is mad. We have never had to ground him." 

"He is my son Gwen. I love him just as much as I love Addie."

"I know babe. I know. Lets give him time to calm down and I'll go talk to him by myself. When that's done you and I are going to sit down with all the kids including Apollo and make it clear that you have just as much a right to discipline if they aren't behaving." 

"Was I to hard on him?" 

"No babe. There is something else going on. I'll figure it out. Please believe me though Blake he loves you he really does."   
...............................................................................................................................................  
Kingston has been locked in his room for about an hour now. Blake took Addie to our bed for a nap. We don't normally let her sleep in our bed anymore but I could tell Blake needed it after the ordeal with King. I'm really worried about him. Something is really going on for him to act like this. I knock on his door and open it. He is laying on his bed facing away from the door. He looks over his shoulder when he hears the door open. I can see his face is streaked with tears. 

"King can we talk baby?" 

"Mom I'm...I'm...I'm sorry." 

I sit on his bed. He turns into me wrapping his arms around my waist crying. 

"Baby what's going on?" 

"I'm scared" he says so quietly I barely hear him. 

"What are you scared of baby?" 

"Blake's leaving just like my dad." 

"What? What are you talking about baby? Blake's not leaving." 

"You guys are fighting. Your walking on egg shells around us and you avoid each other. It's just like when my real dad left."

"Oh baby Blake and I are not fighting. We had a big grown up decision to make and we were having a hard time making it." 

"Why?" 

"Baby because parents want to do what's best for the whole family. We didn't want to make the wrong choice. I'm sorry you felt that tension but baby you really hurt Blake."

He looks down at his feet. 

"Are you sure?" He asks

"I'm very sure King." 

I pull him in for a hug rubbing his back. He is such a cuddle bug. 

"You don't really hate him do you baby?"

"No." He said meekly 

"He is napping with you sister right now but you and him are gonna have to talk ok?" 

"Yeah and I need to apologize."

"Yeah baby you do."  
...............................................................................................................................................  
Blake's POV

I'm laying in our bed cuddled with my baby girl. My mind is reeling. He said he hates me. Gwen said he didn't mean it but what if he did? What if he really doesn't think of me as a dad? Did I do something to make him feel like that? I have tried so hard to make those boys see how much I love them. I look down at my sleeping princess. Does she know how much I love her? Is she gonna grow up loving me? Or will she hate me to? I didn't get the journey most dads have. I didn't bring home one baby from the hospital. I jumped right into to three boys. I did get to learn as I went. I had to know what to do from the start. I thought I was doing pretty well until he said he hates me.  
I see the door slowly open and Kings head pop around the door. 

"Can I come in and talk to you?" Kings says shyly 

"Yeah buddy let me take Addie to her bed and I'll be right back." I tell him as I see Gwen walking in our room

"I'll take her babe" Gwen says leaning in and giving me a kiss before picking Addie up

"What's up buddy?" 

"Blake I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said. I don't hate you." He says I can see the tears pulling in his eyes

He called me Blake and I would never tell him but that hurt just as much. The boys have been calling me dad for a while now and to go back to Blake feels like we lost a lot of ground. 

"Come here buddy" I say wrapping him in a hug

"What's going on? You know you can talk to me buddy? I want to help you." 

"I thought you were leaving like my real dad." 

"What? Buddy why did you think that?" 

"Cause I thought you and mom were fighting. You were avoiding each other when we weren't around. Even when you were together around us it wasn't like normal. You didn't look each other in the eye and you barely touch mom. You guys are always being gross and holding hand or kissing or any of the gross stuff grown ups do." 

" King I'm so sorry you thought that we were fighting. Buddy we weren't fighting." 

"I know mommy told me." 

"King buddy I want you to believe me when I tell you I'm not leaving. Ever! I love your mom more than I love myself. You, your mom, your bothers, and Addie are my entire world! I will never do the things your dad did and I will never leave. I can't promise you that your mom and I will never fight, everyone does sometimes, but that doesn't mean I'm leaving." 

"You promise you will never leave?" 

"I promise buddy."

"Blake can I still call you dad? I mean I love you like a dad. I really do." 

"Of course buddy I wouldn't want you to call me anything else."

"I love you dad" 

"I love you Kingston"

He leans in his head on my chest and I wrap him up in my arms. It's crazy to me how normal this feels. He is my son regardless of whether or not our blood matches. All three of those boys are mine. I wouldn't change a thing that has happened to me in the past, because it has all led me here to my family, to Gwen.


	37. Mexico

"I can't believe we are doing this. I can't believe we left all four kids with my parents." I say placing my face in my hands 

Blake reaches across the center console and pulls one of my hands off my face intertwining our fingers.

"It's gonna be ok baby. They are with your mom. I mean you turned out pretty good."

"I know and I trust her I do. However Addie is only six months old. No. I need to stop. This is about us. This is you and me time. I'm excited to get to meet your friends." 

"I'm excited to baby. Your gonna love them I know it."

"Yeah but what if they don't like me?"

"Gwen Luke hasn't shut up about how awesome you are and how excited he and Caroline are to hangout with you." 

"Can you promise me something?" 

"Anything sunshine."

"Don't leave me while we are there."

"Never baby"

We arrive at the air strip and board the plane. It's private and we have the whole run of the plane as always. Blake sits down and I sit so close to him I might as well be in his lap. He just chuckles and wraps an arm around me pulling me even closer. I lay my head against his chest and soak in the moment.  
...............................................................................................................................................  
We get all of bags into our suite and decide we want to take a walk before meeting up with everyone for diner. As we walk down the secluded beach the magnitude of this moment hits me and I feel a tear sneak down my face. I didn't think he noticed till he reached up and wipe my cheek.

"Want to talk about it?" He asks and I shake my head no

We walk down the beach hand in hand. Finally I break the silence thinking I can finally talk without loosing it. 

"Why did it have to take so long for us to find each other?"

"I don't know. I wonder the same thing a lot of the time." 

"We spent such a big portion on our lives with the wrong people. I had three kids with the wrong man. Everyday since I accepted us as an us, I can't help but wish that you were my boys father. That I had found you first instead of him. Like we lost so much time together. Now when talking about kids it's not a do we want the but physically can we have them. It's not fair ya know."

"It's not fair, but you know what. All of that other mess in our lives made us perfect for each other. So I like to think God had to get us ready to be this perfect together. Gwen I love you." He says bending down to plant a kiss on my lips

I pull him closer to me as my fists grab ahold of his shirt. The kiss deepens but it's not a dirty kiss it's a kiss that is full of meaning. We separated and continue walking down the beach hand in hand. We don't say much but we don't need to the looks we give each other say more than words.   
..............................................................................................................................................  
When we get back to our hotel we have about three hours before the agreed meeting time for dinner. After walking in the heat and sand a shower is a must. I grab a bra and under ware as I head toward the bathroom, deciding to pick my outfit out after the shower. I turn back to Blake who is sitting on the bed checking on the sports channel. 

"Babe I'm hoping in the shower. You know we have a while before we have to go, you could join me. Or I mean you can sit there alone while I'm alone in the shower naked." I say with a smirk playing across my lips

I barely finish the thought before Blake is out of the bed and walking towards me. We get in the shower and he leans down to kiss my lips. I'm expecting a long deep kis but he has other things in mind. He takes the wash cloth pouring some of my vanilla scented body wash. Slowly and agonizingly amazing he begins to wash my body never making contact with my breasts or my center. He teases up my right leg to my inner thigh moving to my left before making contact with my center. When I feel like I'm literally going to explode from anticipation he wipes the cloth across my breast. A sharp inhale escapes my lips as he continues to clean my breast before moving to the next one. When I can't handle the build up anymore I take the cloth from his hand and throw it on the ground. I smash my body against his as our lips meet. The kiss is desperate. It isn't long before he he turns me around and bends me forward. He enters me in one hard thrust. We gradually increase our pace, thrusting into each other. 

"Oh gosh babe I'm so close." I practically yell

He reaches around my hip putting pressure on my clit. That's all it takes for me to fall over the edge of pure bliss. As I explode I feel him explode inside me filling me with his seed. After we both recover, I stand up and lean into him. His arms snakes around me, my arms around him. I rest my head on his chest, I could stand here all day listening to the beat of the heart that saved mine. 

"I love you Blake"

"I love you too Gwen"   
..............................................................................................................................................  
"What about this?" I ask coming out in the fiftieth option

"Gwen baby it perfect just like the last 50" he says getting up walking toward me

He places his arms around my waist pulling me to him. 

"Stop stressing and just be your Gwen. I promise you they will love you. Now we need to go or we are gonna be late."

"Ok just don't forget you promised."

"I won't leave you."  
...............................................................................................................................................  
"Luke it's nice to see ya man." Blake says wrapping him in a hug and kissing the side of his face

"Nice of you to come out of the city life for a change" Luke laughs

"Yeah well I have a good reason to be in the city now." He says grabbing my hand and pulling me into him 

"Luke meet Gwen. Gwen this is my buddy Luke."

"Nice to meet you" I say putting my hand out to shake

"Wow he wasn't lying when he said you and him were together." Luke said pulling me into a hug

"No he wasn't. He is an amazing man and I'm lucky to be with him." I tell Luke looking Blake in the eye the hole time as I cuddle back into his side

He leans down and kisses me. It's a sweet kiss that most wouldn't think anything of it, but I know my man and this kiss means so much more. He is telling me how much me being here means to him. He is telling me how much he loves me. How much he needs me, needs us. He is telling me how much I saved him from the darkest place and brought him back to life. All I can do I pray that my kiss back tells him all those thing to.   
We spend the night eating with and his wife as well as some of the members of little big town. We talked, joked, and drank. I was beyond surprised how much I really do fit in with his friends.   
..............................................................................................................................................  
This weekend was a whirl wind but one I'm glad we took. Watching Blake in his prime last night preforming well beyond the allotted time just because they wanted to was amazing. I love seeing him let lose and have fun on stage. It's one of my favorite things about watching him preform, he genuinely enjoys it. Poor Caroline had to take home a sloppy drunk Luke by the end of the night but Blake hadn't drank one drink. Since he moved in with the boys and I, I have only ever seen him drink maybe twice. It makes me smile knowing he loves me and our family enough to stop drinking for us. I'm pulled out of my thoughts while doing my makeup by hands pulling my hips back against him.

"Ready to meet Luke and Caroline for breakfast before heading back to our munchkins?"

"I am now" I answer swiping the mascara brush across my lashes one more time

We head down to the cafe and join a waiting Luke.

"Hey y'all. Glad to see you could pull yourselves out of bed to join us." Luke says with a smirk

"I'm gonna kick you ass" Blake jokes

We eat talking of old stories of Blake, most of which I have never heard before. Blake leans over and whispers in my ear.

"Baby girl I need to go to the bathroom. You gonna be ok or should I wait?"

My heart melts because he is asking this because I made him promise not to leave me and he hasn't the whole whole weekend. 

"I'll be ok babe go ahead." I tell him before he heads to the restroom 

"Well Gwen I think I owe you a serious thank you" Luke starts as Blake is just out of ear shot, I just give him a questioning look

"I was scared for him. There was a point when I literally cringed at every phone call that came in thinking I was finally getting the call that he was dead. Between the drinking and the depression I knew I had lost him. It was just a matter of time. I actually broke down a few time talking to Caroline about it. That man is my best friend and what they women did to him was unthinkable." 

"The thought of him not being here scares the hell out of me. That man is the reason I'm here today. He saved me. I was so destroyed and even today he is still putting all the shards back together." I tell him

"The two of you coming together was nothing short of a miracle. I firmly believe Blake wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. So thank you for saving my best friend." He says giving me a hug tears now pouring down my face and even a few slip down his cheeks

"What the hell I leave to go to the bathroom and come back to everyone crying. Damnit Luke what did you do?"

Everyone chuckles and I lean into Blake open arms pouting my lips, my sign to him I need a kiss. He obliges and begins to sit back down pulling me onto his lap.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
We are sitting on the plane on our way home and I realize how content I am with life. I have an amazing fiancé, four beautiful children, and hopefully a fifth on the way. I have amazing parents and siblings as well as in-laws that are beyond what I ever hoped. My life is finally beginning to look like the dream I have had since I was a little girl.


	38. Custody

We finally pull up outside my parents house. I thought I was excited to get home to the kids but for the first time I can remember Blake doesn't ask me to wait so he can get the door. We both hurry out of the car joining hands while we practically run to my parents door. We ring the bell and hear all the little feet running to the door. The door burst open and three boys crash into us. 

"Mommy!!!!! Daddy!!!!!!" They all yell

Blake picks up Apollo who is reaching toward him repeating daddy over and over again. I hug my big boys kissing them. Next I reach for Apollo to come give me a hug.

"No daddy. I stay wif daddy." Apollo pouts

"Well ok then can I at least get a kiss?" I ask with a sad face 

"Yes" he says grabbing my cheeks with his hands and planting a sloppy kiss on my lips

"Where is sissy and Nonna?" I ask

"In here mom." King says bouncing into the living room 

We all move into the living room and find Addie and my mom on the floor playing. As soon as Addie sees Blake and I she starts babbling. I tear up hearing her babble both dada and mama. I start to walk over to my baby girl to pick her up but my mom puts up her hand up to stop me.

"Tell her to come to you" my mom says

"Okay" I say looking skeptically at my mom "Addie baby come to mommy?" 

She looks at me saying mama and moves to a hands and knees position. Next thing I know she is crawling toward me. She is super wobbly but she is crawling. Our baby girl is crawling. I break down crying and Blake puts Apollo down moving to pick Addie up. 

"Princess look what you learned to do while we were gone. Your such a big girl" Blake tells her while she lays her head on his shoulder before sitting back up and reaching out for me. 

"Baby girl mommy missed you so much." I tell her hugging her to me

I catch up with my mom. She tells me all about the kids weekend and how they behaved. We have started Addie on baby food so I don't breastfeed her as much, but she was forced to take a bottle while we where gone. She didn't like it but accepted it when she got hungry enough. We pack up the kids and take the home to get ready for bed.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
That night after getting all the kids to sleep Blake and I lay cuddle in our bed. 

"It's really nice to be back in our bed." I say snuggling into the sheets and Blake even more

"Yeah as fun as it was to get away, I really missed our house and the kids"

We lay there quiet for a few minutes. 

"Hey Gwen"

"Yeah babe"

"I don't want to assume anything but have you ever though about going for sole legal custody of the boys?" I tense at the thought of my ex

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked it's not my business" I can feel the change in his demeanor 

I sit up, because of course it is his business. 

"Why would you say it's not your business?" He sits up now to resting his back against the headboard 

"Well I'm not their dad. That's between you and Gavin. I don't want to overstep my boundaries." 

"Blake you my fiancé. Those boys call you daddy. Anything involving them is your business. Now as far a going for sole custody, all the time. I'm kinda scared that at some point he is gonna show up here demanding to see the boys. I'm just scared to that we wouldn't win."

"Gwen he beat Apollo in front of the other two boys. Apollo had the bruises and Gwen need I remind you he slapped you across the face. I don't think we will have a problem getting custody. I'm just bringing this up because of what you said, he could show up anytime demanding to see them. I care to much for those boys to let them ever be alone with him. I also bring it up because if we got full custody, I would really like to adopt the boys. I mean right now if something happened to you I would have no right to them. They would be taken from and if I lost you and them it would kill me Gwen." I can see the tears welling up in his eyes.

"Blake oh god babe come here" I say pulling him into my chest

He adjusts so he is laying down with his head resting on my chest. 

"Blake to start off I'm not going anywhere. Your not gonna lose me. Second if anyone would have the most right to those boys down the hall, it's you. Those boys father has never treated them the way you treat them. He has never loved them the way you love them. King even called him Gavin the other day. I would love to have you adopt them."

"I love you Gwen. I want to take the big boys out to dinner and ask them. Just the four of us. Leave Addie and Apollo with your family and make it about the boys."

"That's a great idea babe. I love you to Blake." 

He lifts his head to kiss my lips. We settle down into the covers, and I find my favorite place. My head on his chest. His arms wrapped around me.  
...............................................................................................................................................  
The next morning starts just like every other Friday morning. Chaos. Getting everyone ready for school and fed is crazy in our house. This morning however we all make it a point to sit down and eat breakfast together. Blake is feeding Addie some fruit baby food. I sit across from him and laugh as she is spitting it back out at him. 

"Try smaller bites babe." I say giggling

"Hey no fair you don't get to laugh! I'm new at this!" 

"I'm not laughing at you babe. I think it's sweet." 

"Mom why did we all get up early to eat breakfast? We never do this." A sleepy Zuma asks

"Cause baby boy we wanted to ask you and King if you guys would like to go to dinner tomorrow night, just the four of us?" 

"You mean like no Addie and no Apollo?" King said perking up

"Yeah baby just you two, dad, and I." 

"Heck yes!" They both yell

"Can we pick where we go?" Zuma asks

"Absolutely" Blake chimes in 

"This dinner is gonna be all about you guys. You just tell us where."  
...............................................................................................................................................  
We sit at the table with two talkative excited boys. They go on and on about the week they had at school and funny things their friends said. Watching Blake fully engrossed in the boys stories melts my heart. Suddenly I feel his hand on my knee. I look over and realize it got quiet and that this was the perfect time to talk to the boys. 

"Boys dad and I want to talk to you." 

"Told you Zuma. I knew there was a reason we weren't bringing the babies." He says sticking his tongue out at Zuma and Zuma returns the expression 

"Boys come on now be nice. I think, I mean I hope this is a good thing." Blake starts

"Your mom and I wanted to talk to you about me. We wanted to know that if we took the steps to make it possible, would it be ok for me to adopt you boys?" 

"Adopt us? Like Gavin wouldn't be our dad anymore? You would?" Kingston asks

"Yeah I would be your dad. Gavin would never get to have anything to do with you ever again. Would that be something you guys would want?"

"Your already our dad. So if it means that everyone else knows it to then yes!" Zuma says

"Yeah your already dad. I don't want any connection to Gavin anymore." King says confirming what his brother already said 

Both King and Zuma walk around the table hugging Blake. Zuma sits on my lap while King sits on Blake's. 

"We finally have a happy family. This one is gonna last forever right mom?" 

"Buddy I'm never going anywhere ever! I promise you that!"   
...............................................................................................................................................  
That Monday while sitting on Blake's lap I place a call to my lawyer and inform him of my intention of once again going for sole custody of my boys. I tell him I'm finally ready to proceed, that I don't want to risk Gavin coming back. I tell him that Blake and I have discussed it and once everything is worked out, Blake will be adopting the boys. Not having to have faced this was nice but I also know that it needs to be done. The thought of ever having to send the boys to him again is enough to send me into a full on anxiety attack. Blake rubbed my back the whole time I was on the phone keeping me slightly calm, but once off the phone I fell apart. 

"Shhh baby everything is gonna work out. And you know I'm gonna be right here beside you the whole time." He try's calming me 

Addie crawls over from her play mat to the chair Blake and I are sitting in, holding her hands up to us once she gets to us. I reach down pulling her into my lap and she lays against my chest. 

"I love you Blake" 

"I love you always Gwen"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally found some direction for the story again so I hope ur as excited as I am!


	39. Just a little bundle

Since Blake and I discussed wanting to have another baby, it's all I can think about. I let myself do exactly what I told myself I wouldn't, I'm hoping. I mean I know it's a long shot but I want one more. Five would be the perfect number. Suddenly I feel Blake move slightly under me.

"Why are you awake? What time is it?" He asks.

"I'm sorry babe it's 4:30 go back to sleep." I tell him.

"You didn't answer me. Why are you awake?" His arms tightening around me as if to protect me.

"I was thinking."

"About what?"

"A baby."

"Gwen, baby we talked about this. You can't keep yourself up at night and you can't stress about this. It's gonna make it harder to happen."

"I know but I just really want one more baby with you. Your such an amazing dad. I never got that much support during my other pregnancies. And I sure as hell didn't get this much help once they were born."

"I know and I want another baby but you know what?"

I shake my head no.

"What?"

"I already have more than I dreamed of. I didn't think it was possible for it to be this good, this amazing, this perfect. I got you, the boys, and Addie. I got my family."  
I scoot up and plant a kiss on his lips which he returns. We pull apart and I slide back down snuggling into him as close as I can get. He pulls me against him as tight as he can. My eyes get heavy and I feel myself drifting.  
...............................................................................................................................................  
I wake up to the quiet sounds of Addie talking in her crib. I pry myself out of Blake's arms and he grunts but doesn't wake. I can't help but think that there has to be stuff we can do to help our chances. When I open Addie's door I see her smiling face and I'm reminded of why being a mom is the best thing one can do. I pick her up and situate us on a chair for her feed. While I'm feeding, her I pull my phone out and google ways to help you get pregnant. The first article I read talks about diet changes that can increase your chances. I can do a diet. I've done diets before. I read over the article probably three times that morning deciding what I’ll need from the grocery store.

The boys are at school so, Blake, Addie, Apollo, and I take our chance to go to the grocery store. We make our way around the store with me picking up all the recommended foods. We get to the soda isle where I inform Blake that we won't be drinking it anymore.

"Gwen what the heck is going on? Why can't we get soda? Why are you telling me we have to eat salads? I don't mind them baby, but you know I need my meat too."

"I read an article this morning."

"Okay, what kind of article?"

"It told you what food to eat to increase you chances of getting pregnant."

"Oh ok. Well I don't know if I like it, but I'll try it if it means we get our little bundle of joy."

I walk over to him wrapping my arms around his waist, hugging him to me. He kisses the top of my head. The rest of the grocery trip I walk next to him my arms wrapped around his arm, while he is pushing the cart.  
...............................................................................................................................................  
When we get home it's time for Apollo and Addie to lay down for a nap. Blake takes Apollo to lay down and I lay Addie down, and we meet back at our bed. Blake lays down as though he is worn out and ready for a nap.

"It's a shame your so sleepy. That article suggested one other thing that they said was important."

"Yeah, and what might that be."

I grin at him as I move to straddle him. I lean in real close to his face, kissing his jaw and nipping my way to his ear.

"Lots and lots of sex." I whisper seductively

"Suddenly, I'm not tired anymore." He says

I giggle feeling his dick stir to life under my hips. I circle my hips on top of his growing member. The groan that leaves his throat, makes me smile proudly as I bend down to kiss him deeply. I continue to roll my hips as I take his lip into my mouth. I make my way down his jaw to his neck. I come back up to his lips suddenly missing the taste. Next thing I know he’s flipping us over. His mouth goes straight to the sensitive spot on my neck as he sucks. He is sucking so hard I know there will be a mark there that I won't be able to hide. The whole time he is grinding into me so hard that before he breaks the attack on my neck, I'm falling apart under him. As soon I come down enough to move, my hands go straight to his pants and unbuttoned them.

"Blake I need you. Now!"

"What do you need from me Gwen?" He asks as we shed our clothes.

"I need you to fuck me hard." I tell him.

He lines himself up at my entrance. I can feel his tip barely touch my lips and I'm losing my mind.

"God, Blake please!"

At that he slams into me. That motion alone almost has me falling over the edge; but he stills once he is buried all the way. I whine showing my frustration.

"Your impatient today baby. All in good time, Gwen."

He starts up a slow torturous pace. I try my hardest to let him lead, but I can't stand it anymore. I buck my hips up into him. By the hiss that escapes his mouth I know I triggered the need in him. He builds the pace up until I'm falling over the edge as he kisses me to muffle my scream. He continues to fuck me threw my orgasm as his thrusts become erratic and I can tell he is close. I squeeze him with my muscles sending him over the edge, spilling his seed into me. He collapses on top of me.

We must have fallen asleep with him still inside me, as I wake up to noises on the baby monitor and him on top of me still inside me.

"Blake wake up Addie's awake."

He moans and rolls off of me and pulls out of me. I hiss suddenly missing the feeling of him inside me. However, being mommy comes first and we both get up and get dressed. I head down to Addie's room followed by Blake. He sits in the rocking chair first and then I sit down and begin feeding Addie.  
...............................................................................................................................................  
That afternoon, the boys just got home from school, my phone rings and I look at Blake. I can tell by the way his face changes that he understands who it is.

"Boys can you three go play upstairs for a little bit. Mommy and I need to answer this call."   
Blake asks and the boy oblige heading upstairs.

I hit the except button, looking at Blake. He walks over to me wrapping me in his arms.

“Hello.” I say.

"Hello, can I speak with Miss Stefani."

"This is Miss Stefani."

"Oh hello! I'm gonna transfer you to Mr. Brough."

"Thank you"

"Gwen, this is Chris Brough. I wanted to fill you in on the information I got today." He says.

"Ok"

"So, I got a petition today from Gavin's attorney. He is requesting visitation for Zuma and Kingston, but he is willing to give up his parental rights to Apollo."

The wind literally is knocked out of me and if it hadn't been for Blake's arms around my waist, I would have fallen to the floor.

"Now I'm not sure who his attorney is because he should know that you aren’t talking custody of any of the children, but you are talking custody of all of them. You can't just choose which ones you want and which ones you don't. That being said, I will contact his lawyer in the morning and we will go from there. I'm truly sorry Gwen. We are gonna fight this. I don't have concerns about winning full custody this time, I think it's just a matter time and going through all the steps."

Tears are running down my face. I barely remember Blake sitting me in a chair and taking my phone from me. I listen to the remainder of the conversation in total disbelief.

"Mr. Brough this is Blake Shelton, Gwen's fiancé. She is in total shock right now. Is there anything we need to do?"

"No Mr. Shelton. At this point it's on me to handle everything and you take care of your family. I would prepare the boys just in case they have to go with Gavin for a visit. It's my every intention to make sure that doesn't happen but they need to know just in case."

"Wow ok. Can I ask that if they have to go see him, that it be supervised? I mean he left welts on Apollo as well as slapping him in the face in front of Gwen. I'm scared of what he would do to the boys if he was alone with him again. Those boys are our world; I'll do anything to keep them safe."

"Yes that will be my request if we lose and he is given visitation. Again, I'm so sorry."

"Ok thank you good bye."


	40. My rock

I shut down. It's just me in a big black empty space. It's hard to breath. It's hard to think. It's hard to move. It feels like everything is closing in on me. I'm spiraling out with no way to stop myself. That's when I hear it, the voice calling my name. I feel hands on my face as the world comes back into view. 

"Gwen baby breath for me. Come on deep breath. Everything is gonna work out." He says sitting in front of my chair

I reach out to him, sliding off the chair into his lap. My arms go around his waist, and I burry my head into his chest. Tears pour from my eyes. His arms tighten around me. He sits there holding me rubbing circles on my back. Kingston slowly enters the room.

"Dad?" He says cautiously

"I...is everything ok? We heard mom crying." 

"King everything is gonna be ok. Just keep your brothers upstairs for a little while I take care of mom." 

"Ok... I love you mommy." He say before heading upstairs   
...............................................................................................................................................  
"Blake they can't go to him. What if he hurts them? I promised them he would never hurt them again. The lawyer said they all would have to go."

"Gwen we have to let the lawyer do his job. If they have to go we will give King my number and he can call if something happens. I will be there in a split second if he calls." 

"I just don't get it. He hasn't called or text or emailed to check on them why care now?" 

"I don't know what game he is playing right now, but he isn't going to win. I'm gonna keep you and the boys safe I promise. We need to talk to the boys though. They need to be prepared."

" I know I just don't know what to say."

"We just be honest with them. Tell them he wants to see them. Tell them there is a chance they will have to go see him. We need to make sure they know we are going to do everything in our power to not let it happen and that if it does we'll will be there as soon as they need us if something happens."  

"Can u tell them? I don't want to cry in front of them." 

"Of course baby. All you have to do is sit here I'll take care of the rest ok." I shake my head yes "Are you ready? Can I call them in?" 

All I can do is nod my head. If I talk I'm scared I'll cry again. 

"Boys can y'all come in here" Blake yells and we hear the little feet running our way

They poke their heads around the corner and slowly walk in, obviously feeling the tension. I can see King trying to read my face before he looks to Blake clearly trying to understand what's going on. They sit down on the couch while we sit on the coffee table in front of it.

"Daddy what's wrong? Why has mommy been crying?" Zuma asks

My heart almost collapses at the scared look on his face while his voice does nothing to hide the fact that he is scared either. 

"Buddy we got some news today that's hard to understand. We want you boys to know that we love you more than you could possibly know."

Apollo runs to my lap and I pull him up placing my nose in his hair. His baby smell usually helps calm me however knowing this could be taken from me makes me even more emotional. 

"I love you and mommy to." Zuma says

King is sitting back taking it all in, obviously trying to figure out what's wrong. 

"Boys ur mom and I started the steps to make it ok for me to adopt you. But something came up that's making it harder. Your real dad.." Blake starts being interrupted 

"Gavin..not dad. Your our dad not him." King speaks for the first time

"Fair enough. Gavin has decided he wants to see you guys again and he has asked a judge to tell us you have to go see him."

"What? That's not fair! He hurt Apollo and mom! I'm not going! I won't! No one can make me!" King shouts standing up and running from the room

I put Apollo on Blake's lap and stand up to go after King. I feel a hand on my wrist before I can take a step. I look back at Blake and give him a sad smile.

"I'm ok babe. He needs me." I say bringing my hand up to his cheek

I lean down and kiss him on lips before I turn around and head after King. I get to his room and he is laying on his bed his face buried in his pillow crying. 

"Baby boy?" I say walking over to his bed

"Mom please don't make me go. I can't. I don't want to." King spits out wrapping his arms around my waist, his face buried in my lap

"King I'm sorry baby. Right now no one is telling you that you have to go see him. The judge has to decide, and its very possible he will say you don't but we want you to be prepared if he says you do. This isn't easy for us either baby. I want nothing more than for Blake to adopt you boys and never look back but we don't have that choice. It's up to the judge." 

"Gavin doesn't love us! Dad does! You and dad make us feel safe. What if Gavin hurts one of us again? Apollo can't stand up for himself, and Zuma is to afraid to." 

"Would you feel better if I talk to dad about getting you a cell phone to take to Gavin's?Then if something does happen you can call your dad and I without Gavin knowing." 

"Yeah I can hide it in my bag so he doesn't know I have it." 

"Ok dad and I will talk about it and see what we come up with ok baby?"

"Thanks mom. I love you and dad so much!" 

"We love you to baby"  
..............................................................................................................................................  
We lay in bed wrapped around each other. Today's excitement had throughly drained me. The thought of Gavin scares me and the only thing to help that, is being in Blake's arms.

"Gwen baby your shaking." Blake states meaning for it to be a question 

"I'm scared, but your fixing that. Just hold me. You make me feel safe when you hold me."

"I wouldn't dream of ever letting go. Gwen I'm not gonna let anything happen to those boys or you, I promise." 

"Thank you." I look up planting a soft sweet kiss on his lips

"So all the boys have school tomorrow. Why don't we take Addie out and do something fun. Get our minds off of him and his games."

"You know there has been something I have been meaning to ask you if we could do." 

"What might that be sunshine?"

"What are your thoughts on Addie getting her ears pierced?" 

"Isn't she kinda young? I mean I don't know much about that girl stuff." 

"Not really babe. What do you think?"

"I don't mind sunshine if that's what you want to do."   
..............................................................................................................................................  
We are sitting in the chair at the jewelry store. They have one person on each side while Addie is in my lap. They offered to hold her but she is at a stage where she is very hesitant with people she doesn't know, so I decided to hold her. Blake is stand back a little ways watching. The girl asks us if we are ready, I tell her yes. They count to three and I hear the gun click followed by Addie screaming. Blake is right in front of us in a split second. 

"Addie baby it's ok." He tells her kissing her head 

She reaches out for him and he pulls her into his chest. Her head buries right into his neck, while her drawls circles on her back soothing her. We thank everyone at the store and make our way to the car. We get Addie in her seat and I sit in the back with her. She has a death grip on my hand. I'm scrolling through the my phone when I get a notification from period app. I gasp.


	41. Luckiest

"Blake" I say from the backseat

"Yeah sunshine?" 

"We need to stop and get a test."

"What? A test?" 

"I'm late Blake." 

"Wha.....oh my gosh! Really?" 

"Yeah with everything going on I hadn't realized I'm a week late."

We stop at the store and I make Blake run in and grab on since Addie just fell asleep with a death grip on my arm. He gets back in the car and turns to look at Addie and I. He places a hand on my knee. 

"Hi" he say

"Hi"

"Are you ok? I mean I know we said we want this but I want to make sure your ok?"

"Yeah, I'm caught off guard but I'm ok. I actually didn't expect it to happen this fast if at all. But I want this babe. How bout you? You ok with this?" I ask placing my hand on top of his

"Baby girl couldn't be happier."

"Babe let me put the test in my purse. I don't want the boys to see it. I want to know before we tell them." 

He hands it to me and I put it in my purse one handed, as a little girl still has my one arm. I sigh looking at our little girl. She is growing up so fast. We are now on the way to the boys school. 

"Babe can you believe she is almost nine months old? Like in three months she will be one!" 

"Time moves to fast. I feel like she was just born our tiny little girl."

"Blake do you really think we can handle five kids?"

"It's a little late now to worry about that sunshine." He giggles "answering your question though yes I think we can handle five."

"This is it though babe. Like this is our last baby."

"I know sunshine and I'm perfect ok with that. You have already given me so much Gwen. I'm one blessed man."

"I wish the lawyer would call." I say meekly 

"I know. I just want us to know so we can move forward. I think I want it more for the boys. Kings reaction was so hard to watch."

"Yeah him begging me not to make him go, literally tore me to pieces." 

We pull into the school parking lot and I pry my arm from Addie's grasp. I go in and get the boys. I carry Apollo as my big boys walk beside me. I squeeze my baby boy to my chest, realizing he isn't my baby anymore. He is four years old..four... where did time go? My baby girl is almost one and my baby boy is four. It feels like yesterday Blake saved me but looking at my babies I feel like so much has happened since then. I'm so blessed. Now the last thing to solidify my heaven, is getting full custody of my boys and making them officially Blake and I's boys.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
That afternoon the boys sit at the table working on their homework while Blake makes dinner. Addie and Apollo are playing together on the play mat we put down when we are in the kitchen. I look at my content family and smile. I decide to sneak off and take the pregnancy test. The wait after you pee on it is probably the longest three minutes of life. I decide not to look and just take it down stair to Blake. 

"Blake babe can you come here a minute." 

He turns and gives me a questioning glance but he follows me into the hall. 

"I took the test but I can't look. What if I'm wrong and we got excited for nothing? What if I never get pregnant? What I......"

He places his palms on my cheeks making me look at him. 

"Whatever happens will be ok. If your pregnant, that's amazing! If your not then we keep trying. If you never get pregnant we have four of the most amazing kids out there. Ok?"

"Ok." I plant a long slow kiss on his lips. He really is my saving angel. 

"Ready to look?" I nod

"Wait!" I yell right as he is about to uncover the results

"I love you!" I lean into his side and his free arm pulls me into him

"I love you too sunshine."

He moves his hand away and there it is. Two little lines that tell us we are pregnant. Holy shit we are pregnant again. I get to have another of Blake's babies. Tears are pouring down my face and he pulls me into his chest and we both cry. 

"Mamma why you and daddy crying?" Apollo asks all serious having found us in the hall

"Buddy we're happy. You remember how Addie was in mommies belly for a while?" Blake asks him

"Yeah" he says eyeing us suspiciously

"Well mommy has a new baby in her belly." 

"Mommy gonna have another baby?" 

"Yeah baby I am." 

He gasps and before we can stop him he turns and runs to his brother yelling baby. Blake and I stand there laughing his arms still wrapped around me. Suddenly we hear feet running our way. 

"Mom is Apollo telling the truth? Are u and dad gonna have another baby?" King asks jumping up and down

"Yeah he said we are getting another baby sister." Zuma practically shouts

"Woah boys calm down. Yes we are having another baby, but we won't know for a while if it's a boy or a girl." I tell them 

Seeing our boys this excited makes Blake and I all that much more excited. 

"I knew it was gonna happen." King says looking smug

Suddenly I'm wondering if he knows where babies come from? Were Blake and I not as sneaky as we thought we had been? 

"You knew King?" I ask

"Yep I prayed for another baby. Just like I did with Apollo. I knew it would work. God listened to me the first time why not again?" 

Relief floods through me. My 12 year isn't ruined for life from seeing his parent have not so sweet sex. My cheeks flush just thinking about it and I bury my face in Blake's chest. Blake clearly was thinking the same thing I was as he chuckles too. 

"King you were praying for another baby? Why?" Blake asks him

"Because I wanted you and mom to have a boy. You have a girl and all you need is a boy then you have one of each." He says like it's the most natural thing for a 12 year old to think about. 

I look at Blake and see the tears rolling down his cheeks. He pulls away and moves to King. He wraps his arms around him. I tear up watching this moment unfold. 

"Kingston, I love you so much." Blake tells him

"I love you to dad." King says cuddling into Blake's chest just like I love to do

Then the phone rings and life throws us yet another curve ball to steal some of our happiness. I look to see who it is and when I read the name I feel my face flush a shade of white. This stops the sudden happiness and everyone's faces fall into serious expressions. Blake let's go of King and makes his way back to me looking at the incoming call on my phone. 

"Boys please go into the kitchen and finish your home work. Apollo go play with your sister." Blake tells them before taking the phone from my hand

He answers it and pulls me up the stairs to our room shutting the door. He clicks the speaker phone button and I hear the secretary asking for me. 

"This is Gwen." 

"Great Miss Stefani I will transfer you through to Mr. Brough." 

"Hi Gwen. How are you?" 

"I'm fine thank you. I have you on speaker phone with my fiancé here." 

"Ahh hello Mr Shelton." 

"Howdy" Blake answers "I'm hoping you have some good news for us?" It's meant to be a statement but comes out more of a question. 

"Well it not bad news but it's not good news either. The case has moved in front of the judge. Upon reviewing it she would like more evidence to support the abuse claim. Before you freak out because we don't have more, I came up with the idea and got it approved by the judge. I had the idea to have Kingston and Zuma sit down with the judge and tell her what happened. What are your thoughts on it?" 

"Can you give us a minute to discuss this?" Blake asks

"Of course ill hold on" 

"Gwen what's running through your head?" 

"Is it a good idea to have them talk about it?" I say

"I'm not sure but if it means they never have to see Gavin again isn't it worth it?" 

"Can we ask the boys?" 

"I say we tell the lawyer to schedule and we ask the boys tonight. If they don't want to do it they don't have to. We can cancel it." 

"Ok I agree with that." 

"Mr. Brough"

"Yes Mr. Shelton I am here" 

"We are gonna give you the go ahead with scheduling the meetings but if the boys don't want to we aren't gonna make them." 

"That sounds reasonable Mr. Shelton. Thank you and I'll get right on that."

"Thank you"


	42. Emotions

I take deep breath sighing. Now we have to talk to the boys. I hate this. I feel like they are having to grow up so fast and it's not fair. 

"Sunshine"

"Sorry I'm in my head again."

"Want to talk about it?"

"It's just me hating Gavin. I don't think he understands what he is doing. Our poor boys are loosing their innocence with everything he does. We shouldn't have to sit them down all the time like this. It's not fair." 

"I know but I think they are doing pretty good considering everything. I wish he would think about those boys instead of being an asshole. God forbid something ever happened between us, I would never drag our kids through the mud like he is doing."

"Please don't talk about that. The idea alone of losing you almost sends me into heart failure." I say tears pooling in my eyes

My emotions are like a crazy roller coaster. One minute I'm madder than mad and the next I'm crying sad. Poor Blake is just along for the ride.

"Baby I'm sorry please don't cry. I didn't mean to make you cry." He says pulling me into his chest.

I cry into his chest for a few minutes before we hear Kingston outside our door and Addie crying. 

"Mom Addie is upset" King says through the door 

I kick into mom mode sniffling and heading toward my babies. Blake grabs my hand though as I'm heading to the door.

"Go take a minute for you. I'll take care of Addie." I lean up on my tiptoes planting a kiss on his lips before turning to the bathroom.  
...............................................................................................................................................  
Blake's POV

I walk over to door and open it to find King holding his baby sister. Tears are pouring down her face and he is rubbing her back whispering to her how everything is gonna be ok. She turns her head hearing the door open and instantly she reaches out for me. I take her into my arms and her head buries into my neck her hand going to my ear. 

"I don't know what happened she just started crying" King says

"It's ok bud I got her. Thank you for helping. We will be back down in a little bit." I tell him

"Ok I'm done with my homework can Apollo and I watch tv?" 

"Yeah that's fine buddy just make sure Zuma finishes his before he watches."

"Ok" King yells as he 

I close the door head toward our bed. I can feel her begin to calm as she plays with my ear. Gwen doesn't find it as cute as I do. She wants to be able to wear earrings but I love that she has that part of her brother in her. I sit us down on the bed and start talking to her. She babbles back at me like we are holding the most normal conversation ever.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
Gwen's POV

I collect myself and head out of the bathroom but I stop at the door and watch Addie and Blake. The site of my love and our daughter has my hand cupping my flat stomach and the new baby growing there. I'm blown away that the man sitting there is my man and the gorgeous little girl with the matching blue eyes is our daughter. 

"Is she ok cowboy?" I decided to make them aware of my presence 

"She seems to be. I checked her diaper but it's dry." He says puzzled 

The puzzled look on his face makes me laugh as I walk over to them sitting next to him. His arm snakes around my waist his hand landing protectively on my stomach. This being our second pregnancy together he seems more comfortable and at ease. 

"I think we are entering a new phase daddy." I say

"Oh yeah what stage is that?"

"Separation anxiety. I have a feeling it's going to be harder and harder to leave her for a little while." 

"So you think she was upset cause we left the room?" 

"She seems perfectly content now so that would be my guess. Remember Apollo went through that a while ago. If I recall correctly that was on of the factors that lead to you moving in." I giggle

"He would cry and scream for me every time I made a move to leave. As much as it broke my heart to see him upset, to know that he was that attached to me was the best feeling ever."

"He only knows you in his life. Like he doesn't remember a Gavin and I. He has been attached to you from day one and still is for that matter." 

"He is our baby boy." 

"Yeah baby boy that's growing up way to fast." 

"We should get back downstairs. There are three unsupervised munchkins down there." 

We both laugh getting up and heading down stairs hand in hand, Blake holding Addie.   
..............................................................................................................................................  
We are in Zuma's room both boys sitting on the bed. Blake is sitting on the floor next to the bed with me planted in his lap. 

"Boys you know how we talked about Gavin wanting to see you again?" I ask seeing their faces fall and tension take over, they both shake there heads.

"Well the judge wants to talk to you guys. She wants you to tell her if you ever saw Gavin hit Apollo. What do you guys think about that?" 

They both look at each other trying to piece their thoughts together. King turns and looks at me. 

"Do we have to? What happens if we don't?" King asks

"If we talk to her does that mean we don't have to see him again?" Zuma asks

"Well boys you don't have to. Dad and I would never make you. The judge would like to talk to you because right now she doesn't have enough proof to know that Gavin hurt Apollo. So if you don't talk to her there is a big chance she will say you have to see Gavin. If you do talk to her it keeps the door open to getting Gavin out of our lives for good." 

Both boys look at each other and shake their heads. 

"We don't want to see Gavin so we are gonna talk to the judge. When do we have to go?" King says

"Right now we are waiting on the lawyer to schedule it and let us know."

"Dad your gonna come with us right?" Zuma asks

"Yep mom and I will take you to the judge. Everything is going be ok boys. We just have to stay positive okay?" They shake their heads "alright boys let's get some sleep" Blake says

"Ok but mommy will you lay with me until I fall asleep?" Zuma asks

"Of course baby. Let's get you in your bed." I say as King and Blake make their way to King's room

Zuma cuddles into my chest as I drawl circles on his back. Moments like this remind me just how amazing being a mom is.  
...............................................................................................................................................  
"Boys are your shoes on?"

"Not yet" Zuma and King both answer

I walk over to the coffee table and pick up the tv remote. I turn the tv off returning the remote to the table. 

"HEY MOM" they both yell

"Do not hey mom me! I told you 10 minutes ago to get your shoes on. We have to drop you off at nonna's and take Addie to the doctor. GO get your shoes on."

They both get up and head off the closet to get there shoes. 

"Blake, babe?" I yell up the stairs

"Do you have Apollo?" 

"Yeah we are coming." 

I head back into the living to get Addie. 

"Addie why did you take your shoes off?" 

It is not my morning with kids and shoes. I put her shoes back on picking her up. I head to the foyer where the boys are waiting. Blake comes into the foyer about the same time. 

"Are we all ready?" 

Everyone nods and we make our way out to the car. When make our way to my moms house to drop the boys off. Addie has a well check and taking the boys would just be crazy so my mom offered to watch them for me. 

"Mom?" Zuma ask meekly 

"Yeah buddy?"

"Why do we have to go to Nonna's? Can't I come with you and daddy?"

"Zuma we are just taking Addie to the doctor. It's gonna be very boring." 

We arrive at my moms and I take the boys in.


	43. Zuma

I take the boys into my moms while Blake stays in the car with Addie. As we walk to the door Zuma has a death grip on my hand. I look down at him and notice he has the saddest look on his face. We knock on the door and my mom opens it. 

"There are my favorite boys!" Pattie says

"Nonna!" King and Apollo yell running in for a hug

"Zuma where is my hug?" Pattie asks 

Zuma's hand tightens around mine as he moves behind me. I mouth I'm sorry to my mom as we make our way inside. I give my mom the bag with snacks and Apollo's toys in it. 

"Alright boys dad and I are taking Addie to the doctor and then we will be back to have dinner here ok?" 

"Ok mom." King says giving me a hug

"Bye bye mommy." Apollo says copying his brother and giving me a hug

I turn to Zuma who is still hiding behind me. I crouch down in front of him, seeing the tears filling his eyes.

"Baby whats the matter? Don't be upset your gonna have fun."

"Please mommy can I go with you?" 

"Baby it's going be no fun. We are just going to the doctor."

"I don't care. I'll be good I promise." He begs

"Please mommy I want to go with you and daddy." He says breaking down into sobs

I pull him into my chest rubbing his back. I look at my mom over his back and watch as she gives me a questioning look. I mouth I don't know.

"Ok baby. Please don't cry. You can come with us, but you have to promise to be good." 

"I promise mommy I'll be very good and help with sissy. Thank you mommy!" 

"Alright so I'm taking Zuma with me. We will all be back right before dinner." I tell my mom

"Ok sounds good honey we have everything covered here. Bye Zuma." Pattie says

Zuma runs over to her now giving her a big hug.

"Bye Nonna. I love you." He says before running to open the door for me

"Love you to Zuma." Pattie returns 

With that Zuma and I head back out the door to the car with a waiting Blake and Addie inside.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
We open the car doors to get inside. 

"Zuma buddy why didn't you stay with Nonna?" 

"I wanted come with you and mommy. I was sad so mommy said I could come."

"Ok buddy. Are you ok now?" 

"Yep" he says

Blake looks at me and I mouth later. We will talk to him later. I don't want him upset going into the doctors office. I can feel Blake searching my face to see if I'm upset. I am because something is obviously wrong, but I think I'm covering it pretty well. That is until I feel his hand come across the console and wrap around my tiny hand. I feel a tear slip down my cheek but quickly chase it away.  
...............................................................................................................................................  
We head into the doctors office. I'm carrying Addie and Zuma asked Blake to carry him. I had to laugh because Zuma is to big to be carried but the cowboy is so big it looks totally normal. My heart melts at the same time though. Zuma is old enough Blake had more than enough right to tell him he was a big boy and could walk himself. However Blake knew Zuma was having a hard day and obliged my son. The son that he accepts that is not even his. The son he doesn't have to care so much about. The son who's father would have told him to be a man and stop acting like a baby if Zuma asked him to carry him.

We get inside and I check Addie in. We sit down to wait for to be called back. Addie is sitting on my lap but is not happy about it. She want s down. 

"Mom can I walk Addie around the waiting room? Maybe that will make her happy." Zuma asks 

"Sure baby just make sure you hold her hands." I tell him placing Addie on the floor in front of him. 

I help him grab her hands and remind him to hold tight so she doesn't fall. I watch as he walks her around the big room. I feel a hand on top of my thigh and I place my hand on top of it. 

"He is gonna be ok Gwen. We will talk to him tonight." Blake whispers 

"I'm just worried all of this crap with Gavin is getting to him and he can't cope."

"Sunshine he is a little boy and I'm sure he is confused and struggle to understand some of the details. However I think he is just scared we need tonight we need to remind him we won't let anything happen to him and we are doing our best to make it so he never has to see Gavin again." 

I sigh knowing what he is saying is true. He always knows how to calm me. 

"Mom look at Addie! I'm barely helping her! She is totally gonna be walking soon!" 

"Yeah baby she is doing great."

He excitement over his baby sister achievement make me one proud mama.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
We make it back to my mom's house for dinner. As the family sits through dinner talking and laughing like normal, I notice the glances my mom is giving me but I choose to ignore it for the moment. 

"So what did they say about Addie?" Pattie asks

"She is good. She is in the 60th percentile for her height and weight. And he said she look perfect." I answer 

We spend the rest of the night cooking marshmallows over a fire in our back yard as we moved to our for the campfire. We sing songs, Blake and I sing our duet and surprise them with a new one we wrote together. I surprise everyone including Blake with a brand new single. We take in the moments enjoying family time. 

Zuma runs over to me later on in the evening and whispers in my ear to me that Apollo told Leo and Stella about the new baby. So whether or not we are ready for people to know we have to tell everyone. If Stella and Leo know they will for sure tattle on us. I let Blake take the lead telling everyone this time.

"Guys Gwen and I kinda wanted to let you in on something that's been going on?" Blake starts

"I knew something was wrong. All of you have been more quiet tonight that you normally are." Pattie breaks in 

"Well actually this news isn't bad. We at least to us it's not bad." 

"Oh my gosh! YES!!!" Jen yells running over to me

No one else has put it together so Blake proceeds.

"Gwen and I are having another baby." Blake says

The room erupted as everyone is more than excited for us. My mom is crying even though this is her 5th grand baby from me. Dad is shaking Blake's hand like any proud father-in-law would do. There is so much fun and happiness going on that we almost forget about the Gavin drama for the first time in a while.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
"Blakeee" I yell walking through the house trying to find my cowboy

I just got off the phone with the lawyer. He scheduled the boys to talk to the judge in two weeks on Thursday. 

"Sunshine I'm in the kitchen." He yells back

I make my way to the kitchen where I find my cowboy cooking some of his famous cheese dip. Everyone that tries it fall in absolute love with it. 

"Hmm cheese dip" I hum in approval 

I stand up on my tiptoes before leaning in planting a kiss on his lips. It's not a filthy kiss but one that makes him drop everything and his complete attention to me. Next thing I know he is picking me up placing me on the counter top. As the kiss turns a little dirtier I can feel him rub his already swollen manhood into me. This feeling alone has me ramped and ready to go but we hear footsteps and we move apart some.

"So sunshine what did you need me for?"

"That was the lawyer" I motion toward the phone. 

"When's the boys meetings?"

"He scheduled it for two weeks from tomorrow." 

"Wait what's tomorrow?" He asks panic registering on his face

"Tomorrow is Thursday." Confused by what's going on

"Shit" he says slamming his hand on the counter

"What's the matter babe?" 

He looks at me with a face that is nothing but pure sadness and fear. 

"Gwen I'm in Nashville two weeks from Thursday."


	44. Your nothing like him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I'm hooked up to good wifi so I didn't have someone proof it for me so I'm sorry if it sucks!

He looks at me with a face that is nothing but pure sadness and fear. 

"Gwen I'm in Nashville two weeks from Thursday." Blake says

"Wait which event is this? Can you reschedule?" 

He is standing in between my legs while I remain sitting on the counter, my hands on his chest. My heart had sank to the pit of my stomach. I knew he couldn't but I couldn't stop myself from asking, I was scared to do this without him. 

"I really really wish I could. Fuck! I promised Zuma to and now I'm gonna have to back out. He is gonna hate me." Blake said his hands coming up to comb through his curls

"He won't hate you Blake. That boy loves you so much. We just need to sit down with him and talk about yesterday and this. I wish he hadn't fallen asleep so fast last night I wanted to talk to him then. I don't know how I'm gonna do this without you." 

"Damnit maybe I can call my manager and see if we can put the opening off a day." 

"Blake we both know that's not an option. I'm gonna have to do this alone. It's not like he is gonna be there. As much as I hate it, we will be ok." 

"I was gonna go to the ranch from Nash for a few days but why don't we all go next weekend. We can spend a few days at the ranch and then a few days at the lake." 

"That sounds amazing cowboy." 

I lean forward planting a kiss on his lips before snuggling into his chest. His arms wrap around me, holding me tight to his chest. It never fails to amaze me the calming affect this man has on me.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
That night we get all the kids tucked into bed except Zuma. We intentionally went to him last. 

"Hey Zuma can daddy and I talk to you?"

"Yeah" he says hesitantly probably picking up on the nervous tension

"Buddy we wanted to talk to you about yesterday." 

"I'm sorry mommy please don't be mad at me I won't act like that anymore, I promise." 

"Woah little man, we aren't mad at you at all." Blake says

"Your not?" Zuma asking with a surprised face

"No buddy but we do want you to tell us what's going on. You were pretty upset and we want to know why so we can help you. We don't want any of you kids upset. We want you guys to be happy." Blake answers

"I've always told you boy you can talk to me, and daddy, about anything. I mean anything Zuma. Even if you did something bad you can still talk to us." I tell him

"I don't know I just wanted to be with you guys. If the judge doesn't believe us, we are gonna have to go stay with Gavin and I don't want to. I want to stay here. Why is he doing this to us? Can't he see we are happy and that we don't want to see him?" Tears run down his cheeks and I pull him into my lap.

"Shhh baby it's gonna be ok." I rock him back and trying to calm his nerves even though mine are running wild

"Zuma I know all of this with Gavin is hard on you guys and I wish you didn't have to go through any of it. But I want you to know that no matter what the judge says I will do everything I possibly can to keep you guys safe ok?" Blake tells him

Zuma leans toward Blake, his arms out stretched. Blake takes him from my lap hugging him to his chest. I see Zuma take a deep breath and relax some. 

"Mommy daddy can I sleep with you guys tonight?"

Blake looks at me and nods in approval giving me the final say. I love this man more everyday. 

"Yes you can sleep in our bed tonight. But this is the only night ok?" 

"Ok thanks mom! " he say quickly jumping out of Blake's arms and runs down the hall to Blake and I's room.   
...............................................................................................................................................   
"Boys I wanted you to know that you are going to talk to the judge Thursday." I tell the boys as we all sit at the table for breakfast. 

Both of their heads snap to Blake and I. 

"Dad you leave tomorrow don't you? But you said you would take us. Are you gonna be back in time? I thought you were going to be gone for five days." King says

"Daddy you promised you would take us!" Zuma says tears already pooling in his eyes

"Come here Zuma. You too King." Blake tells them as he slides his chair back

Blake pulls Zuma onto one knee and King on the other.

"Boys I do have to go to Nashville tomorrow. The opening of ol'red is Thursday. King your right I will be for five days."

"But you promised" Zuma lets out tears now pouring down his face, King even has tears pooling in his eyes

"I know buddy but I didn't know it was gonna be the same day as the opening. If I could cancel my trip I would boys. You know I love you guys like crazy right?" They shake their heads

"What if he is there?" King asks

"I don't think he will be there baby, but if he is you don't have to do anything you aren't comfortable with. You don't have to talk to him if you don't want to ok?" 

Both boy nod. I don't see why Gavin would be there but the idea doesn't sit well. 

"I call you right before you go and if you want to call me when your done you can ok?" 

"But your gonna be working." Zuma says looking at his feet

"Hey buddy" Blake lifts his chin so he is looking at him "I don't care what I'm doing if you guys need me work will wait while I talk to you." 

Zuma turns around on Blake's knee hugging his head into Blake's chest. I can tell by the shaking he is crying. Blake wraps his arms around him and rubs his back.

"Buddy please don't cry. I'm really sorry I wish I could change things." 

"Alright boys. Time for bed. And remember the babies are sleeping so be quiet." I tell them

They nod and head off up the steps. I look back at Blake who now has his face buried in his hands. I reach over and place my hand on his neck. 

"Babe it's not your fault." 

"I'm just as bad as he is, breaking my promise to those boys. They deserve better. You deserve better." He says sounding so defeated 

I put my hand on his cheek making him look at me. It's when I see his eyes that I realize he is actually crying. 

"Blake babe." I say moving to sit in his lap

"You didn't know. Your NOTHING like him. You are upset because you fell like you let them down when you had no control over it. He let them down for no reason and didn't care. You are everything to us. And remind me who do they call daddy?"

"Me. I hate this though."

"I know me to. But we will call you before we go in and we will call you as soon as we get out. Just think after this we might be done with him forever." 

"And then we can make those boys mine too."

"Legally, yes. They are already yours just not legally." 

He wraps me in a hug planting kisses on my neck.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
"Boys please go get dressed we have to leave in 30 mins." I yell up the stairs 

Suddenly I feel two arms snake around my waist from behind me. My cowboy plants a kiss on my cheek. 

"I have to leave in about 15 minutes." I turn around in his arms wrapping mine around his neck

"I'm gonna miss you so much." The look of sadness and fear must have shown in my eyes or it's just one of those weird things about us, where we can read each other like a book. 

"I know this is the longest I'll have been away since Addie was born and she is 10 and a half months old now. Wow that's crazy! She is growing up to fast. Way to fast." He leans down to my barely there baby bump."promise daddy you won't grow up to fast, ok. Daddy loves you!" 

"Boys come tell dad good by he is leaving" I yell as we walk in the living room

Blake picks Addie up from her play saucer. She reaches for his ear. He hugs her close to his chest. 

"Daddy loves you princess, so much." 

"Dada." She says leaning in for a kiss

Blake's face lights up. 

"Oh my gosh Gwen did you see that she definitely just gave me a kiss!" He says with so much joy painted on his face

"I did! That's that's the first time she has ever done that!" 

Zuma, King, and Apollo all come racing into the living room to say their good byes to Blake. The boys handle it well all except Apollo who cries. When they are all done I walk Blake out to his uber. Tears already pooling in my eye. He looks at me and gives me a sad smile pulling me into his chest wrapping me up tight. 

"Please don't cry sunshine. You know it kills me." He says rubbing circles on my back

"I'll be back before you know it. I love Gwen." He says planting a soft kiss full of meaning and emotion

"I love you to Blake."


	45. Court

Blake left yesterday and today is the day the boys meet with the judge. Jen is watching Apollo and Addie while I take the two big boys. I feel like my stomach is in literal knots. I can't tell if I threw up this morning because of the nerves or from being pregnant. I'm hoping it's the nerves, cause that's all we really need is me sick the whole pregnancy again.

"Boys come on it's time to go." I yell down the hall

I get Addie out of her play saucer and take Apollo's hand leading them out to the car. I get Apollo in his car seat and Addie in hers when the oldest two come bounding out the front door to the car. We drop the babies off at Jena house and head to the court house.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
When we pull into the parking spot, I turn and look at my boys the look of fear on their faces is like knives to my heart. They look terrified and to be honest so am I. I know there was nothing we could do about it but I needed Blake here to calm me.

"Boys you ready to call dad?" They both nod

The FaceTime ring echoes through the uneasy silence of the car as I turn the phone for them to see Blake and Blake to see them. 

"Hey there boys!" The southern drawl projects 

No one answers so I pipe up. 

"Hey babe"

"Are you guys getting ready to go in?"

Both of the boys sit there without saying a word. 

"Boys I know it's hard but please cheer up some. No matter what the judge says, what did I tell you guys that I am gonna do?" 

"Protect us." They both answer

"Exactly so chins up ok? Guess what mom and I talked about doing next weekend?" 

"What?" King asks as both of their faces lift at the thought of having family fun. 

"We talked about going to Oklahoma and staying on the ranch for a few days and then spending a few days at the lake house too. Does that sound like something you guys would want to do?"

"Yes please!" King yells

"Really dad? Can we? Please!!" Zuma yells 

"Absolutely boys! I think we all deserve to have so care free fun. Right now though, I need you to be super brave for me. I need you to go in there and tell the judge what happened. Then when your done I'll be waiting by my phone ok?" 

"Ok dad I love you" King says not sounding to confident but at least he doesn't look as upset as he did. 

Zuma only nods looking at his lap. I bring the phone back to the front and on my face. 

"You holding up ok baby?" 

"Yeah" I answer but my voice betrays me as I sound anything but ok. 

"I love you so much Gwen. We are gonna get through this ok? No matter what we are gonna make everything ok." 

As a tear slides down my cheek I answer "I love you to Blake, with my whole heart and sole."  
...............................................................................................................................................  
"Boys are you ready?" I ask them as we get out of the car and are standing there looking at the building. 

"Mommy what if she makes us go see him? I don't want to leave you and daddy. Why can't you just tell them we are staying with you?" Zuma asks as we walk toward the building

"Baby it's not up to me, I wish it was. No matter what just remember what daddy said. We will protect you." We stop and I pull both of them into a hug.  
..............................................................................................................................................  
We walk into the court room our lawyer Chris Brough is standing at one of the tables. The boys and I walk up to the first row of benches and he turns to us and smiles. 

"Chris these are my boys. Kingston and Zuma." I say pointing to each boy as I say their names

"Nice you meet you boys." He says reaching a hand out to shake their hands 

I look to the other side of the room and see another lawyer set up at the second table.

"Is that his lawyer? Is he gonna be here?" I ask

"I'm not sure it's normally standard for them to be here, however the judge will be in any minute so it doesn't look like it. Ok so we are gonna have Zuma go up first and the judge will ask him her questions. After that Kingston you will go up."

The judge comes in and the process starts. There are two chairs in front of the judges table. Zuma sits in one while the judge sits next to him in the other. I stare at Zuma's face while he talks looking for a sign that this is to much for him and I need to stop it, but the judge is doing an amazing job getting Zuma to open up. I start to believe for the first time that this was the right choice. Then like alway things blow up when Gavin busts into the court room, 25 minutes late might I add. My heart sinks and I wip around to see Zuma clam up as a look of fear and worry takes over his face. 

"Sorry I'm late judge I had some important matters that needed to be handled." Gavin states as if it's completely ok for him to be late. 

"You had important matters to handle Mr. Rossdale? Are your children not important?"

"Of course they are you honor, that's why I'm here now and not with my band rehearsing." He says in a snarky attitude 

"Oh hi Gwen sad to see you letting yourself go. You never could keep it together without me on your ass. Are you ready for when that hillbilly of yours get tired of dealing with all you crap? You know it's coming no one can willing stay that long."

I look down at my lap not wanting to engage. 

"Oh and glad to see you care about our kids so much you would put them through this." 

"STOP IT!" King yells 

The judge and I look to King but neither of us stop him. He needs to get this off his chest and I'm pretty sure the judge wants to hear what he has to say. 

"Don't you think you've caused enough problems already? Leave my mom alone! She looks beautiful and my DAD, Blake Shelton, tells her everyday. He promised all of us to never leave us, unlike you. Mom cares about us way more than you do! If you would have left us alone there wouldn't be a reason for us to be here!"

"He isn't you dad he is your moms boyfriend. I am your dad." Gavin refutes

"NO... YOU...AREN'T. You hit my mom and Apollo. No father would hit their kid! And no man would hit a women! Oh and jokes on you! He is mom's fiancé not boyfriend." 

I grab Kings hand pulling him into a hug. He wraps his arms around me pulling my head into his stomach as he is standing. He rubs my back as I cry into him. 

"Well I think I have seen and heard enough today. I will be in touch with both parties when I make my decision." 

Zuma comes back to me tears in his eyes. King opens his arm and the three of us hug each other. Trying to push out the fit the Gavin is throwing.

"Are you kidding me. I came here to catch the last two minutes." 

He turns to his lawyer. 

"I thought you said I need to be here for this. I could have been rehearsing with the boys. We have a tour coming up, remember." At that he turns and storms out of the court room

Chris turns around at this point "Gwen don't worry about this. He just showed the judge exactly what we wanted him to." 

"She didn't even talk to King though." 

"She didn't need to. What he said to Gavin was plenty telling." 

"So you think we have this?" 

"Absolutely hands down. For what it's worth Gwen what he said wasn't true you look amazing." 

"Thank you. Are the boys and I ok to leave now?" 

"Yeah you guys are good to go. She should make a decision for sure in a week or two. She will let us lawyers know and then I'll get in contact with you." 

"Ok thank you. Boys let's go to the car and call dad." 

"Mommy" Zuma says

"Yes baby" 

"Daddy isn't gonna leave like Gavin said is he? Like he isn't lying is he?"

"No baby. Daddy isn't going anywhere." I say pulling him into another hug

As we walk to the car though I begin to doubt my reassurance to my son. We have been engaged for a while now and neither of us have ever mentioned a wedding. So much has been going on there just hasn't been time to think about it.

"Boy you ready to call daddy or do you want to wait till we get home?" 

"Mom can you just call him?" King meekly asks 

"You don't want to talk to him King?" 

"I don't want to talk right now." 

"Ok baby well we will wait till we get home then ok?" 

"Ok" he relents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone still enjoying? Or should I look to a new story?


	46. Your not my dad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have decided to continue based on popular opinion. I have picked an ending to it, but that won't be for a little while. Then I'll move to a new story line.

We pull into the drive way and I put the car in park. Both boys jump out of the headed for the door. As soon as I unlock it King bounds up the stairs clearly avoiding talking to anyone about what happened. Zuma however walks into the living room with me. 

"Mommy can we call daddy now?" Zuma asks

"Absolutely baby" 

I pick my phone out of my purse unlocking it. I hit the FaceTime button next MY BABE. As the ringer sounds out Zuma and I snuggle back onto the couch both our faces in view. 

"Hey guys" he picks up

"Hey babe" I answer

"Hi daddy" Zuma answers 

"Where is King?" Blake asks 

"He went upstairs. He said he didn't want to talk." Zuma says looking down at his lap

Blake's face falls.

"He was there." I say biting back the tears threatening to run down my cheeks

"Daddy" 

"Yeah buddy what's up?" 

"Your going to be our forever right?" 

"Yeah buddy why do you ask?" 

"Gavin told mommy you were gonna leave. Please don't leave us." He looks at Blake with them most terrified pleading look

"Buddy listen to me.... hey look here. I promise you right here right now that I'm not going anywhere. He said that to upset you guys and your mom. I love you guys so much I could never leave you." 

"I love you to daddy. When are you coming home?" 

"I think I'm gonna fly home tonight buddy and the Saturday we will get up and fly to Oklahoma." 

"Aww why can't we go tomorrow?" 

"You have school buddy. No missing school."

"Aww ok. Are we gonna get to see mawmaw while we are there?" 

"Of course. She will probably come to the ranch while we are there." 

"Good. Daddy I'm gonna go play now is it ok?" 

"Yeah buddy go ahead, but hey I love you." 

"Love you daddy." 

He sprinted off down the hall. I look at Blake. He is looking at me studying my face. I know he is try to scope out how I'm handling today's events. 

"Babe can we talk about it later, the babies are gonna be here soon and I really need to get out of my head." 

"Just tell me are you ok?" 

"I am right now." 

"Ok tonight?" 

"Yeah tonight. Are you seriously gonna come home tonight?" 

"I want to if that's ok with you." 

"Are you kidding me. I have wanted you to come home since the moment you got on the plane."   
...............................................................................................................................................  
The weather in Nashville doesn't agree with our plan and a storm blows in. Lightening has grounded the plane. So once all the kids get into bed, I FaceTime my cowboy. The ring of the phone is almost enough for me to cry. I really wanted him to hold me tonight. I needed him to. 

"Sunshine. Hi baby girl." 

"Hi." 

"Damn Gwen you are so beautiful." 

"I don't even have my makeup on cowboy. You don't have to lie." 

"I'm not lying baby. Why would you think that?" 

I look down at my lap avoiding eye contact. 

"Gwen baby look at me." 

I cautiously lift my eyes to find his.

"What did he say this time?" 

"He.....he said I let my self go. I mean look at me Blake. He is right. I'm huge." 

"Damn it Gwen why do you listen to him. There is NOTHING big about you. And even if there were, your pregnant for gosh sakes." 

"Blake do you ever get tired of trying to fix all my broken pieces?" 

"Gwen" 

"No answer me honestly. Do you ever get tired of trying to fix me?" 

"Gwen how could you even ask me that? I NEVER get tired of you! What did he say?" 

"That you would get tired of me, that no one would stay." 

"Gwen leaving you Wednesday almost killed me. Seeing you cry because I was leave for five days was like reaching in a ripping my heart out. I haven't slept good since I left. I haven't felt like doing anything other than calling you. If I can't stand five days without you, how do you think I could leave you and endure forever without you?"

"I miss you!" I tell him tears pouring down my face like a waterfall 

"I miss you too Gwen. I just want to wrap you in my arms." 

"That's what I want to. We have to talk to King when u get back." 

"Yeah what happened with him?" 

"He lashed out at Gavin. He was screaming at him that he wasn't his dad and that he needed to leave me alone. And since then he won't talk. He wrapped me up when I cried and brought Zuma into the hug. I didn't want to cry in front of them but he just knows how to get me going." 

"He was acting like the man. Gosh I'm so sorry I wasn't there." 

"In a way I was kinda glad you weren't there cause I would have been scared you would have beat him up." I giggle 

"I won't lie I would have wanted to. No one treats my girl like that! And believe me Gwen I tell you that your my girl and only mine." 

"Blake Shelton are you try to get me all hot and bothered? You calling me yours turns me on." I say letting my tongue dart out of my mouth and run over my bottom lip. 

"Damn it Gwen."

We go back and forth working each other up. Both touching ourselves until we both fall over the edge. We lay there for a minute trying to catch our breath. 

"Wow Gwen that was amazing." 

"It was pretty good wasn't it. Blake?" 

"Yeah baby girl?" 

"Can you stay on with me till I fall asleep." 

"Of course anything for you Gwen. Anything you ask."  
...............................................................................................................................................  
It's Friday and the boys are all at school. Addie and I had spent the better part of the morning chilling in bed. Finally when she and I get hungry for some lunch we make our way out of bed and down stairs. I made her a pb&j and cut it into small pieces. I watch her eating as I hear my stomach growl after all the shit Gavin put in my head I'm tempted to skip lunch but I think twice. I'm pregnant and as much as I don't want to bed fat my baby means more. So I relent and make myself a pb&j sandwich. When we are both finish we head into the living room and get Addie's play mat out and put all her toys there for her to play with. A few minutes later I hear the familiar sound of a key unlocking the front door. My heart rate increase and Addie crawls to the couch next to me, pulling up to stand holding onto it. 

"Gwen? Baby I'm home"

"Living room babe" 

He comes into the living room and Addie screams. She babbles off and whole sentence with dada on the end. We both laugh at how cute she is. He eyes are filled with nothing more than total selfless love and devotion for our daughter. 

"Come here princess" he says crouching down with his arms out for her to walk into. 

She steps away from the couch attempting to walk without its help. She take two shaky steps before falling to her knees. She does bother trying to stand back up. She crawls full speed ahead to her daddy. When she makes it to Blake she reaches up to him and he scoops her up. I watch as she snuggles deep into his chest and he hugs her tighter into his chest. I get up now not being able to stand the distance. He drawls me into his side kissing first on the lips. He moves to sit on the couch pulling me into him. I settle into his side Addie seeming to be falling asleep. 

"I miss you!" 

"I missed you so much baby girl. You have no idea. I have had no sleep the whole trip. I didn't have my girl stretched out over top of me." He smirks and I blush 

"I didn't have my cowboy pillow so I know the feeling." I say looking at him through my eyelashes and he chuckles

"Are you ok baby? For real with everything that happened yesterday?" 

"I am now. But we still have to deal with King. I couldn't do it without you." 

"It's ok Gwen. I think it would be a good idea for him and I to talk. Man to man ya know?" 

"Your such a good dad. Those boys would be lost without you. You have shown them what it means to be a man, and that men protect those they love especially the women. Because of you those boys know how a man should treat a lady." 

"It's been my pleasure. Those boys they feel like their mine. I wish they were mine." 

"After the stunt that Gavin pulled in court Chris said that he thinks it's a done deal." 

"When will we know?"

"He said a week or two." 

"Then I can adopt them right?" 

"I think we have to wait like 30 days and then we can start the process." 

"Ok good" 

"Blake?" 

"What's up baby?" 

"Can we get married?" 

"Of course that's what this mean." He says hold up my hand wearing the gorgeous sunflower engagement ring he had custom made for me

"But can we set a date?" 

"Absolutely. What do you think of doing it this summer?" 

"The only thing is I'm gonna be huge then. Can we set the date for next fall? Then the baby would be like close to a year old?"

"That sounds perfect." 

He leans down and kisses the top of my head. I snuggle into his chest while Addie sleeps on the other side. I feel my eyes slowly closing and after the last few days I want nothing more than to nap here wrapped up by my cowboy with our daughter on his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! :D


	47. All for the better

"Zuma stop it! Uncle Todd please make him stop!" I hear king say

"Boys knock it off. Your mom has a lot on her plate with Blake gone ok?" Todd says

I blink my eyes trying to adjust to the light. I hear the footsteps coming down the hall knowing the quiet nap we were having was over. The boy round into the living room. 

"DAD!" King and Zuma yell

Apollo comes in a few seconds after and yells "daddy!" running to Blake 

All of the yelling wakes Addie, who wasn't done with her nap. She starts crying and I take her from Blake so he can hug the boys. This only makes her cry harder as she reaches for Blake. This is the typical behavior anytime Blake comes home after a few days away. She is super clingy to Blake. She wants no one but dada. Blake hugs all of the boys before reaching to take Addie back soothing her with quiet "I'm here baby" and "I'm here princess, daddy is right here". She settles, laying her head back on his shoulder. 

"Dad I missed you! I thought you were gonna be gone five days?" King says sounding more up beat since everything went down yesterday.

"I missed you boys like crazy! I was buddy but I decide not to go to the ranch. I talked to mom and Zuma and we decided we would all go to the ranch and spend a few days. We are gonna spend a few at the lake too. Does that sound ok?" 

"Holy cow yes! When are we leaving? I'll go pack my bag now!" King shouts 

"We are leaving till tomorrow afternoon, but yes you all need to pack a bag of toys and stuff to take. Mom already packed your cloths bags ok?" 

"Waite, Why are we waiting till tomorrow afternoon? We usually do the overnight flights so everyone sleeps" King questioned

"I have a doctors appointment in the morning, so we have to wait till after that." I tell him

"Blake glad to see ya home." Todd says side hugging Blake 

"So you guys are heading out to Oklahoma?" Todd asks

"Yeah we haven't had much family time lately and we just have a lot going on so we figured it was just what we need." I tell him

"Well Jen, the kids, and I are going to mama cozza's for dinner tonight. Want to make it a stefani family dinner?"

I look at Blake and he shakes his head telling me it's fine with him if I want to go. 

"Yeah sure that sounds good. What time? Should I call mom and dad or do you want to?" I ask

"Let's say 7. I call mom and dad I know you guys are probably gonna be busy getting everything ready to go." He says

"Ok cool thanks Todd. See you later."   
...............................................................................................................................................  
Addie and Apollo are on the bed dressed and playing with toys. Blake finishes buttoning up his typical plaid shirt and walks over laying on the bed next to them. 

"Gwen are you almost ready? We are gonna be late baby." 

"I don't know what to wear. I look huge in everything I try on." I yell from inside my closet

It currently looks like a bomb blew up in my closet as I have tossed everything I try on but hate in a big pile. I pull on the next pick. A simple black dress.

"Damn Gwen I don't see how you think any part of you is huge. If the rest of these casualties look anything like that dress the first one would have been good." He says now standing at the entrance of my closet

"No trust me I looked like a whale." Tears pooling in my eyes 

I'm an emotional person to start with but add a day with my ex and pregnancy hormones and I fall apart at almost everything. Blake ventures further into my closet, not something he has a habit of doing, he says that's my zone. I walk right into his out stretched arms. I bury my head into his chest as he rubs my back. He is so big and I'm so little that even with my pregnant belly he can still wrap his arms all the way around me. 

"Sunshine first you could never look like a whale. There isn't enough of you to even make the head. Second you are the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen. I'm constantly shocked that a guy like me got a girl like you." 

I tilt my head up to make eye contact. 

"I love you Blake." 

"I love you Gwen, with all my being. Now what shoes are you wearing with that sexy dress that by the way barely covers your ass. It's gonna be a long night fighting the urge to rip it off of you."

"Down cowboy down. After dinner and kids in bed. I'm gonna wear the read boots." I say grabbing them and he helps me put them on  
...............................................................................................................................................  
We finally get all of us in the car and headed to the restaurant to meet the rest of the stefani clan. On the way there Blake gets to see first hand how off King is. He barely says a word and when Blake asks him something he answers with the least amount of words as he can. We get there about fifteen minutes after everyone else and head in. All the kids hug my mom and dad taking a seat near their cousins. 

"Hey mom question for you." I say 

"Ok go a head." Pattie retorts 

"I have an ultrasound first thing in the morning tomorrow. Do you and dad mind watching the kids? We can take one of the babies with us but I definitely don't think it's a good idea to take all of them." 

"Of course we will keep them. What time is your appointment?" 

"It's at 8:00. So we should be able to pick them up around 9:00 or 9:30. We packed everything today so we are planning to go straight to the airport from there."

"How long are you going to be at the ranch?" Dennis asks

"A week maybe a little bit longer." I say 

"Wait we might stay longer?!?!" King and Zuma both chime in

"Dad please????" King pleads 

"Mom and I will talk about buddy. If we stay longer your going to miss some school." 

"We will make up all our homework with no complaining!" Zuma promises

"Mom and I will keep that in mind when we are deciding." Blake closes the topic

It never fails to amaze me just how good of a father he is. He can put an end to a topic without even raising his voice. That was never the case with Gavin he would just scream at them. Blake is such and amazing person and he doesn't even recognize it. I think that makes me appreciate him even more. 

"Gwen your really showing now! It's so cute!" Jen chimes into the conversation

"Ugh don't remind me. I feel like a whale!"

"Gwen hunny we talked about this this morning. There is nothing huge about you. Your absolutely stunning." Blake brakes in feeling the need to reassure me as he leans in for a kiss which I meet him half way for

"Oh my gosh. You guys are the absolute cutest thing ever." Jen bubbles

"Gwen darling are you guy gonna find out the sex of the baby this time?" Pattie asks

"If they can see it yeah we want to know." 

"Mom we already told you it's a boy." Zuma states as though he is absolutely sure

"We will see Zuma." I laugh

All through the rest of dinner the family jokes, laughs, and just enjoys good family time. Everyone except King. Other than getting excited at the possibility of staying in Oklahoma for more than a week, he hasn't said two words not even to Stella. Even though Stella is younger her and King have always been close and as much as they are together you could say he even sees her as his sister. So the fact that he isn't even talking to her makes me worry. I feel a squeeze on my thigh under the table. I turn my head to look at Blake. 

"He will be ok. I'll talk to him Sunday." He whispers my way for only the two of us to hear

I give him a weak smile and dinner continues on. As we all finish our dinner Blake's hands his card to the waiter instructing her to put the whole bill on it. Jen and my parents start to fight him but Blake tells them that he won't take no for an answer. They all relent but are happy about it. The stefani's are not ones to let other pay for them, but they have never had someone like Blake force the to allow it. I laugh to my self at how much he has changed not only our little family but my whole family. All for the better.


	48. Ultrasound

We all walk out side together. Blake works to get the babies in their seats while I say goodbye to my family.

"Everyone remember Addie's birthday is in two weeks so keep that weekend free." 

"I can't believe she is going to be one already and your having another baby. Time has really flown since Blake came into our lives." Pattie says

"Did I hear my name?" Blake asks walking up behind me wrapping his arm around my waist pulling me into him

"Yeah just talking about how great you are." I smile and he leans down planting a kiss on my cheek

"We need to get the kids home Gwen tomorrow is gonna be a long day." 

"Yeah it really is. So mom we will drop you off the boys at 7:15 giving us 45 minutes to get to the doctors office."

"Sounds good honey see you in the morning" she says placing a kiss to my cheek

Blake and I hug everyone telling them goodbye and get in the new jeep, that Blake insisted he needed now that we have another baby on the way. I just laughed in my head telling myself he is such a little boy. Little boys and their toys.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
We finally get home and Blake and I get all the kids ready for bed. Before we head into King's room I stop Blake. 

"Babe do you want to talk with him?" 

"I am going to talk to him but I don't think now is a good time. He needs to get sleep right now. Tomorrow is gonna be a long day for them, hell for all of us. I want to take him out on the boat fishing Sunday. Just him and I. I'll talk to him then, that's how we connected last time remember, before Addie." 

"Yeah I remember. Your an amazing man you know that." 

He pulls me into him and places a long slow deep kiss on my lips. That's the kind of kiss that leaves me seeing stars and weak in the knees. We tuck King in and head to bed our selves. Before we fall asleep, Blake leans down to my belly.

"Hey little one it's daddy. I can't wait to see you tomorrow. I hope you show us if you gonna be daddy's princess or daddy's prince. Love you little one." He comes back up and plants a kiss on my lips before settling down and allowing me to lay half on top of him. It's the only way I can get comfortable enough to sleep and more with my belly.   
..............................................................................................................................................  
"Boys if you don't hurry up we are leaving you here while we go to Oklahoma! That means you to Blake!" 

I can hear them upstairs rough housing. I sent Blake up to make them hurry up. I now know sending one big kid up to hurry the little is not a good idea. The last threat seems to have done the trick though as I finally hear footsteps coming down the steps. 

"Sorry mom" Zuma says running to his shoes 

"Blake babe I'm glad you helped get the boys down here but Apollo has no pants on. He kinda needs pants." I giggle

"I know" he says holding up a pair of pants "I couldn't get him to be still." 

"Babe he is only four" I giggle "give me the pants and you catch him

We all, finally ready, head out to the car. Apollo transitioned into a high back booster seat which is nestled in between his brothers. Blake is just as excited about this baby as he was for Addie. So in his excitement he already bought and installed the new car seat I picked out in the row with Addie. 

As we drive to my moms I look out the window daydreaming. We are gonna have five kids soon. I'll be four month pregnant next week. That's almost half way! This pregnancy isn't like Addie's, I'm way more emotional and though I don't have morning sickness I just don't feel all that grate. My energy level is super low. It's probably a boy I think to myself boys are always causing trouble. I laugh at the thought and how true of an example of that theory was this morning trying to get the boys out of the house. Suddenly I feel a taping on my thigh. I look over to Blake, who is bouncing between looking at me and looking at the road in front of him. 

"Sunshine you ok? You seem extra quiet today." 

"Yeah I'm just thinking cowboy" 

"Yeah? About what?" 

"The baby" I say moving his hand from my thigh to my belly and his dimples pop out. 

"You are so beautiful Gwen" I blush looking down 

He brings his had to interlock with mine and brings it up to his lips to place a kiss on it. Most kids would yell or be grossed out by their parents showing affection for each other but our boys are different. They were so used to seeing the opposite, that when I look in the mirror all I see is smiling faces.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
"Are you sure you want both Addie and Apollo? We really can take one of them with us." I question 

"Yes Gwen we can handle it. You act like they are awful kids or that we are to old." Pattie laughs

"Not horrible just highly energetic" 

"That's how they are supposed to be they are kids. Now you guys need to get going your already ten minutes late leaving. Bring me pictures of my new grand baby."

"Yes mom. Boys we will be back. Love you!" 

"Love you kids" Blake follows

"Love you" they all yell already distracted by the toys they have at nonna's   
...............................................................................................................................................  
"Ok so what do you want? Boy or girl?" I ask Blake brimming with excitement 

"Well we have Addie so..... I don't know. I wouldn't mind having another princess but I also we love it being a boy. Then he can carry on the Shelton name. Then again we have three boys. I don't as long as everything is ok, I don't care what it is." He says reaching his hand across the center console and placing it on my belly. 

I cover his hand with mine holding it there. I love that Blake is a contact kind of guy. As excited as I am there is alway that fear in the back of you mind that something could be wrong. His touch is my own personal calming agent. We pull into the parking lot and walk in hand in hand. We are taken straight to the back where the nurse hands me a gown asking me to put it on so my shirt doesn't get dirty. After I do so we sit and wait for the technician to come in. When suddenly we hear a knock on the door "come in" we both yell. 

"Hey guys I'm Chelsea. How are you parents doing? Excited?" 

"Absolutely" Blake answers and I smile

There must have been a hint of the nerves on my face because Blake takes my tiny hand in his and squeeze. I look up to him and he is already looking at me. 

"I love you cowboy" I tell him

"Love you to sunshine." 

The technician is moving all around the room getting set up. She is now positioned at my side where I'm laying on the table. She lays the towel down over my pants so she doesn't get any gel on them. Next she looks at me..

"How many weeks are you?" 

"15 weeks" I answer

"Great so are we looking for gender today? Or are we keeping it a surprise?"

"We want to know." She nods her head smiling grabbing the gel

"Alright we ready mom and dad?" We both nod our heads 

She places the cold gel on my belly and puts the probe on top of it. She starts moving the probe around look for the baby. 

"Oh" she blurts out in surprise "looks like this one is ready to tell mommy and daddy he is a boy! See right here?" 

We look at the screen in amazement. We are having a little boy. Blake got his princess and his son now. Tears start pouring down my face and look at him and he is the same. Emotions are so high and happy, until I realize I still don't hear a heart beat yet. Fear runs cold through my veins. Blake notices the change in my demeanor and he eyes shoot to the screen now realizing what I had. Our are soon what we thought were relieved as we finally hear the heart beat. 

"There....we ....go" she says it slow like someone who is so engrossed in there work the outside world vanishes. 

Suddenly she stands up and turns to us. 

"I'll be right back. I want to grab the doctor real quick." She informs us as she quick turns on her heals leaving us alone. 

Our minds are running faster than we knew possible. I look at Blake who looks at me, and the tears break both of us crying because we know something is wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys sorry for the angst but it will be ok in the very end trust me


	49. Something is wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm really sorry for the angst. I work with families who deal with these types of things so it was bound to come up in a fic. I promise you a happy ending just bare with me.

Our minds are running faster than we knew possible. I look at Blake who looks at me, and the dam breaks both of us crying because we know something is wrong. We sit there for what feels like hours but in reality was probably only two minutes. Then the technician comes in followed by the doctor. The technician smiles at me before putting more gel on my belly and moving the probe around until she get the heart beat and picture that had clearly concerned her the first time. The doctor examines the screen before switching places with the technician. She probes and probes and then she simply states "ok". She gets up and leaves the room. No explanation of what's happening, nothing. Blake is fuming and terrified. The technician is helping me clean the gel of my stomach when we both startle. 

"Is someone gonna tell us what's going on here." His voice boom with anger and pure fear lace through it

"Yes I'm sorry. I'm gonna take you to another room and the doctor will be in shortly to talk to you." 

"Do we get pictures of the baby?" I ask in almost a whisper emotions controlling the volume

"Yes of course I'm sorry I'll go back through and print them out for you. If you will just follow me." 

She takes us to another room that looks like a standard appointment room. Blake and I are losing our minds but don't talk for fear of losing control. So instead he sits in one chair and I sit on his lap, my head buried into his neck. His hand is drawling circles on my back. We sit there holding each other....waiting. Finally the moment we have been begging to come yet wishing it never would is here. There is a knock on the door and it opens as the doctor comes in. 

"I'm really sorry to keep you waiting but I want to do some quick research before I came in to talk with you. So I'm sure you have already had a million scenarios run through your minds, but right now I want you to erase all of those and only listen to what I'm telling you. This is not worse case scenario here ok. The baby is fine right now, however looking on the ultrasound we do see an abnormality." 

We both sitting there listening but I'm not able to wrap my head around it as the tears flow and Blake holds me. He is trying to be the strong one here but I know him. I can hear the fear in his voice. 

"What kind of abnormality are we talking here?" Blake asks the looming question 

"Well what we can see right now is your babies heart did not develop correctly. There is a hole in the wall that separates the two lower chambers of the heart, which are called the ventricles. Now while that is serious, there is a chance that as the baby continues to grow that hole will close on its own. If that happens then there is nothing to worry about, however there is also a chance that the hole will not close. Right now, before I overload you on what ifs, the thing to know is that while your baby is inside you it is safe this will not pose a problem until he is born." 

"So what do we do know?" Blake asks

"Right now you go about as if everything is ok. Don't stress and worry yourselves over this. I want to have a repeat ultrasound done in two weeks to see if there has been any change in the size of the whole." 

"So basically your telling us to wait and pray." He says

"Yes. That's exactly what you do right now." The doctor nods   
...............................................................................................................................................  
I don't remember what happens next. All I remember is standing next to the car holding each other. No tears from either of us. At this point we are to numb. Blake talks first. 

"So we are having a boy" Blake says with a smile, not a full dimpled smile but a smile

"Yeah your getting your boy. One of each." I say showing a slight smile

"What do we do Blake? How do we handle this? Do we tell our families? The boys don't need to know right now. I don't want to tell them yet." I spill

"I agree baby. The boys don't need to know now. What we do is focus on the fact that we are having a little boy. And right now he is safe and growing. We can't stress or it will make the pregnancy harder and like the doctor said while he is still in here" he places a hand on my belly "he is safe and ok. That's what we focus on." 

I stretch onto my toes and place a kiss on his lips. 

"What was that for?" A full dimpled smile on his face

"For being my rock." I bat my eyelashes at him

"Come on baby let's go get our kids and get on the plane." 

For how this appointment turned out I'm surprisingly happy. Blake and the doctor are right, our little boy is ok and growing. Some people don't even get that lucky. Hell we are lucky to even be pregnant. We just have to take things a step at a time.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
We pull up to my moms and I take a deep breath. 

"Let's get the kids and get on the plane." 

We get out of the car and Blake walks right to me, taking my hand in his. We walk to the door but before we even get to it the door flys open. 

"Mom dad what is it? Boy or girl?" King shouts

"Hold your horses bud let us get in the door first." Blake laughs

We walk into the living room full of toys now. Everyone is here even Todd and Jen are here. All anticipating the news. I look at Blake letting him know he needs to tell everyone. I can't do it and be assured I won't break down. 

"We are blessed to tell you we are having a little .....boy."

Everyone erupts into excitement. The boys are beyond excited. They love there sister to pieces but a boy is what they were hoping for. As everyone celebrates I can't help but get overwhelmed. This is supposed to be a happy time for us and we decided to be happy, but I'm scared. I sneak out of the living room and walk into the kitchen standing in front of the sink. I know I don't have long before they realize I'm not in there but I need to get myself together. 

"Gwen?" I hear my moms voice 

I wipe the tears from my eyes before turning around to face her. 

"Yeah mom?" 

"Is everything ok?" 

"Yeah mom. I'm sorry to make you worry. It's these darn pregnancy hormones." 

"Gwen you can't lie to me. Tell me what's going on?" 

"Gwen?" Blake comes walking in. 

As soon as I look at him I break. He is at my side in a fraction of a second. He wraps me in his arms while I cry. It's not until I start to calm down that I realize he is crying to. We weren't as strong as we thought we were. We weren't coping as well as we thought. We stand there holding each other when I hear my mom talking in the living room. 

"King and Stella can you keep the kids in here playing for a few minutes while they grown ups talk on the back porch?" 

"Yeah Nonna." I hear both of them answer

My mom walks back in followed by a confused Todd, Jen, and my dad. 

"Everyone out on the porch." My mom tells them before walking over to us.

"We will be on the porch when your ready." She tells us turning and going out onto the porch. 

"You ready baby?" 

"I'll never be ready so let's just go." He nods pulling me into his side as we head out onto the porch. 

Everyone is sitting in the chair trying to make small talk but it's obvious when we walk that they are all very concerned. Blake sits in a chair and I sit in his lap. Everyone is looking for us to explain what's going on and for the first time I have to be the rock. Blake begins to talk but can't get the words out as tears fall down his face. 

"Our ultrasound didn't go as well as we expected. The technician saw something while she was doing the scan and the doctor came in and confirmed it. They took us into an appointment room and the doctor sat down and talked to us. Our sons heart didn't develop properly. He has a hole in his heart between the two bottom chambers." 

"Oh my gosh honey" my mom gasps 

"Right now there is a chance that the hole will close as he grows but there is also a chance that it won't." 

"Gwen we are so sorry. What does the doctor say you do?" Jen asks fear and worry evident

"Right now we wait. We have a repeat ultrasound in two weeks to see if the size of the hole has changed."

"Why wait two weeks?" Todd asks 

"She said that we need to give heart time to grow and see if the will start to close. If it doesn't she said then we would talk about what to expect. She told us as long as he stays in there he is fine. It's when he is born that it will become a problem." 

"Wow Gwen I don't know what to say" Todd says

Jenn and my parents are crying. Blake has stopped crying but still has his head buried into my shoulder but his hand is protectively on my belly. We all sit there in silence for what seems like forever. 

"We are taking the kids to Oklahoma and we are gonna stay there the two weeks. We need to keep busy for the two weeks but we can do dinner after the appointment. Maybe not the day of depending on the news. If it's bad news we are gonna need to go home and figure out how to tell the boys. We will let you know when we know. Well we have a plane waiting on the tarmac. Blake babe let's get the kids in the car." 

Everyone stands up and Todd hugs Blake. He turns and heads to get the kids not wanting the awkward exchange of hugs. I don't blame him I don't want it either but I'm being the rock this time. After exchanging hug and managing to remain composed I make my way to the living room seeing only Addie Stella and Leo left. I walk over to Addie picking her up. We all say our goodbyes and our little family is finally in the car on the way to the tarmac. Blake's takes my hand the minute we both get in the car and doesn't let go the whole way. I know he needs the contact because I do. It's the only thing holding us together.


	50. Fishing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm so sorry for the delay! I had a migraine the last two weeks. They threatened to put me in the hospital if their last efforts didn't work. It was horrible. I'm also super sorry for not replying to your comments on the latest updates!!!! I live for you comments and I don't want you to think I ignored them!!! Shout out to my mom my pawpaw and my sis! You three know who you are! Love you guys so much!!

We don't get to the ranch until after dinner time. The kids slept from the airport to the ranch so we held dinner off till we got there. Blake promised the boys pizza so I called and ordered it when we were 10 minutes out. We unload the truck first of kids then Blake and King get all the bags out and deposit them in everyone's rooms.

Addie and Apollo have already begun to drag their toys out of the toy chest in the family room. I take a seat on the couch and watch the as Zuma sits down beside me. 

"Mom can I ask you something?" 

"Of course baby anything." 

"What's wrong with you and dad? You guys have been upset since you picked us up from nonna's house." 

"We are ok buddy. We just got some grown up news that's all. We are ok though. I'm sorry if we worried you baby."

"You know I'm big now right? I'm almost 10. I can handle it if you want to talk." 

"I know baby your getting to big. I just want you to stay young don't try to grow up to fast ok?" 

"Ok mom. I love you." 

"I love you to baby more than anything."   
...............................................................................................................................................  
That night we decided to sit at the table and enjoy our pizza talking as a family rather than being plopped in front of a tv. It never fails that I get emotional at times like this. I never thought in a million years I would ever get something like this. A family that sits down for dinners together. A family that truly loves one another so much that every stranger we pass can see it. I may not have gotten it on my terms but God doesn't always follow our plans. He has his own plans that's don't always match up with ours. 

"So boys. What do you guys want to do this week?" Blake asks

"I want to go on the four wheelers!" Zuma says excitedly 

"Dad can we go fishing?" King ask meekly 

"Absolutely, tomorrow I'll take King out on the boat fishing and then Monday Zuma you and I can take a ride in the woods for a little. How's that sound?" 

"Yeah" they both agree shaking their heads

"Daddy what we gonna do?" Apollo ask clearly wanting some alone time with daddy 

"Hmm what do you want to do bud?"

"Ummm I want to take Betty for a walk." 

"That's a great idea buddy we can do that."

"Dad what about Addie dad? What she gonna do?" Zuma asks not wanting his little sister left out of the fun.

"Well.." Blake thinks for a minute 

"I'm gonna take Addie downtown and do some shopping. Last time I was here I saw some super cute kids clothing stores I want to go in." 

"That's a great idea mom" Zuma says seemingly pleased his baby sister won't be left out of the fun

The rest of dinner is spent telling stories, laughing, and enjoying the fun of being a family.   
..............................................................................................................................................  
That night we all head to bed early. It was a long day. A day that changed everything. Blake and I were in bed, my head on his chest and my ever growing belly leg thrown over his, practically laying on him.

"Blake?" 

"Yeah baby"

"We should start thinking about names for our little man" 

"Yeah your pretty good at that. Do you have any ideas in mind?"

"Well I was thinking it's ok with you we could use Richard somewhere in his name, like maybe his middle name." 

I lay there for a few moments waiting for him to say something. So when he does say anything I get nervous that I have over stepped my boundaries. 

"We don't have to. I mean I'm not trying to take his name. I just thought it would be like a part of him is still here. I was to forward. I'm sorry. I didn't mean...." 

"Gwen stop." He places his fingers under my chin and lifts it so I can see his face. Tears are rolling down his cheeks but these don't look like sad tears. "Gwen the fact that you even thought about honoring my brother, allowing our son to share his name, is beyond what I could have ever dreamed for." 

"You don't think your mom and sister would be upset about us using his name? I don't want to cause them to be upset." 

"Gwen my mom will be so happy I guarantee she cries." 

"So tomorrow your taking King out fishing right?" 

"Yeah I want to address the whole Gavin thing with him. He definitely hasn't acted like himself and I want him to enjoy as much of this trip as possible." 

"I love you so much babe" I tell him leaning up and planting a kiss on his lips

"I love you to sunshine." 

Just as we are both about to drift into oblivion we hear crying and dada coming from a sweet little angel down the hall. Blake looks at me almost using the puppy dog eyes the kids do. I laugh at his attempt, and let him have his way.

"Go get her she can stay in bed with us. BUT only tonight." 

He plants one more kiss on my lips before he gets up and heads out the door to get our princess.  
...............................................................................................................................................  
BLAKES POV 

The sun is beating down on us. For me it's times like these that are the best. Doing something that you love in the heart of nature with sun shining. I look over to my partner in crime for the day and smile. I can tell he is enjoying this moment just as much as I am. Suddenly he opens his eyes and meets mine smiling. 

"Thanks for taking me fishing dad. I really like being out here. It's quiet and relaxing something our house doesn't have." He laughs

I can't help but chuckle along because life with four kids, two dogs, two birds, and countless chickens in the back yard is the farthest thing from quiet on this planet. I'm grateful it makes these quiet moments more special. 

"So buddy I want to talk to you about something. I want you to know that there are no judgments here just like the time we went fishing. Ok?" He nods his head probably because he knows where this is going. 

"How do you feel about your real dad?"

"He is a really bad guy." 

"You want to talk about what happened while I was gone?" 

"With every word he said from the minute he walked into the room, I hated him a little more. You know he didn't even say hi or love you to Zuma and I. He acted like we weren't there. He started attacking mom again and someone had to protect her. I just screamed at him." 

"It's ok King you were protecting mom." 

"No it's not ok. That's what he does. He used to yell all the time and mom said he couldn't control his temper and I didn't either. Dad I don't want to grow up to be like him." 

"King there was more to that than you loosing control. I should have been there to help and because I wasn't you had to step up at such a young age. I'm sorry and I promise I'll be there from now on. I promise to be there for that kind of stuff."

"I don't want to turn into him." King says almost so quiet I can barely hear it

I place my pole in the holder and do the same with his. I reach over to him and pull him into a hug. I wrap my arms around him and hold him. At first he just hugs back but with a few seconds he is sobbing uncontrollably holding on to me with a death grip. When he finally starts to calm down I pull back some so I can see his eyes. 

"Kingston you are nothing like that man. Just because you share DNA with him does not by any mean, mean u will turn into him. You are respectful and kind person. You make me proud to hear you call me dad. I feel proud that I have a son that no matter how hard it is will stand up for and protect those he loves." He throws me a small smile 

We turn back to fishing and I can already tell his mood has lifted. He doesn't have that burden of thinking if he is gonna turn out like that. It kills me seeing this man hurt my family again and again. Right now I can't even do anything about it. I just wish we could get some news from the lawyer. Better yet make it good news we have battle hard enough for our family it's about time we win some.


	51. Oklahoma

We have been in Oklahoma for a week and a half now. Time here always goes by so fast. I was so relieved and in aww after Blake and King went fishing. I was relieved that King seemed to have gotten whatever was bothering him off his chest and I was in aww of my man. He is just as invested in my boys as he is in Addie and I. He went out of his way yet again to make sure King was ok and handling everything ok. My boys never had that bonding relationship with their father, so for him to take a special interest in spending time with each boy alone will forever make me emotional. All three boys are out with Blake in the woods "doing boy stuff" as they informed me when I said Addie and I would go to, so I decided to take this opportunity to spend some time with Addie shopping in the little shops downtown. I grab the keys to Blake's truck and we head out. Thankfully we have been to Tish enough that I know where everything is. 

Addie and I pull up in downtown and park the truck. I get out and am struggling with the stroller to get it out and set up. While I'm in the process of trying to get it out a man walks up behind me...

"Excuse me 'mam can I get that out for you?" 

I wip around to see an older man maybe my dads age offering to get the stroller out of the truck for me. 

"Please that would be so rad, thank you" 

"Rad huh? You wouldn't happen to be Blake's girl would ya?" He asked

"That's me." I say with a smile 

"Well it's nice to finally meet ya. Any chance this stroller is for y'alls little one would it?" 

"Yes it is. Hang on I'll go get her." I turn around to go get Addie out of her seat and bring her back for the man to see her.

"Well look at this little sweetheart. She has her daddies eyes!" He gushes

"Yes I was very lucky to get an angel with her daddies eyes and dimples." I answer

"Well how rude of me. I'm Chuck by the way, my wife Viv owns the little shop down on the left. Make sure to stop in and say hi. She will have my hide if I got to meet ya and she didn't." 

"I'm Gwen and this is Adelaide. We will make sure we go say hi." I smile 

"Alright well I'll leave you to your adventures. Nice to meet you. See you again sometime?" 

"Yes most definitely. Nice to meet you as well!" I wave as the man waves heading down the sidewalk. 

We make our way through the little shops buying anything we see we like. Nothing like supporting the small town venders. That added to the fact that everything is one of a kind and no one in LA will have anything like it. We come up to a little shop full of baby dresses. I head in already in love and realize this is miss Viv's shop. 

"Hello welcome. Can I help you find anything?" 

"We are just gonna look around thank you. You wouldn't happen to be Miss Viv would you?" I ask a little shyly 

"That's me. Who's asking?" 

"I'm Gwen I met your husband Chuck, he told me I had to come in and say hi or he would be in trouble." I say but I see the look of confusion on her face. 

"I'm Blake's fiancé and this here is Adelaide his daughter." I answer her before she has the chance to ask

"Well Lord have mercy!!! Finally! Come here and give me a hug!" The woman lights up

I giggle at how open and friendly people are here, nothing like LA. 

"Blake has talked about you so much and every time y'all are here he hogs you up! Look at this angel too. Holy cow she is just the prettiest little thing I have ever seen." 

"Thank you. We certainly think so." 

"And y'all are have another baby on the way I see! Blake didn't tell us." The women looks a little disappointed 

"Well we wanted to wait to tell people this time cause there was a lot that could go wrong with my age and such. He wanted to tell you all I promise." I try to soften the disappointment 

"Well I'm glad I finally got to meet y'all. Let me know if you need any help." She smiled warmly

"I will thank you." 

After hitting most of the shops Addie started to get fussy and to be honest with myself I was getting tired. So we head back to the truck with our loot. Just as before when I'm working on getting the stroller back in the truck a man stops me and puts it in for me. It's so nice to be around people that are so genuinely kind to everyone, even strangers.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
When we make it back to the ranch I don't bother bringing the bags in. I'm to tired and I know Blake would be mad if I did. I take Addie up to her room and place her in her crib with her teddy. She has taken to this particular teddy and loses her mind if she doesn't have it when going to sleep. I head into Blake and I's room and crash on the bed. It's hard for me to fall asleep without Blake being in bed with me but I manage to fall asleep with his pillow.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
When I wake up I hear a huge commotion going on down stairs. I look at the clock beside the bed and freak out. It's past dinner time. I went to bed for a nap at two and now I have managed to sleep till seven. I scramble out of bed and make my way to Addie's room but her door is open and her crib is empty. I make way down stairs and follow the noise to the dinning room. I walk into a hole party of people. I walk up behind Blake and wrap my arms around his neck my hands resting on his chest.

"Ahh my sleeping beauty has awoken." He looks up at me

I bent down planting my lips on his. 

"Did you sleep good?" He asks scooting back from the table allowing me to sit on his lap

"Yes I did. Did everyone eat already? You should have woke me up." 

"The kids and everyone ate but I haven't yet. I waited. Didn't want my angel eating alone." I place yet another kiss on his lips

"You do know there are other people in the room still y'all." Endy chuckles

"Endy leave us alone. If my woman wants a kiss she is gonna get a kiss." Blake says a little short with his sister 

"Blake" I say letting him know he came across short 

"Kids can you guys go out and play?" I ask 

I look at King letting him know this is a grown up conversation and that I need his help. He gets the message and gets the kids excited to go play outside leading them. I turn my attention back to Blake and his family that arrived while I was napping. 

"Hi everyone. Sorry I missed dinner." 

They all responded with a hi but you could tell they new something not good was coming. 

"Endy I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be short with ya. You know I love ya right."

"Of course Blake it's ok. Is everything ok?" 

"We went for an ultrasound before we left LA and got some news that's been hard to accept for us. I'm sorry I was short and even with the issues going on I had not reason to be so short." 

"Blake it's ok I promise I understand. What happened at the ultrasound? Is the baby ok? Gwen are you ok?" Endy asks worry etched into her face

Blake's arm was wrapped around me, now tightens resting his hand protectively over my ever growing belly. I place my hand over his letting him know I'm right here with him. 

"They fooound........." Blake started but struggled to maintain control of his emotions 

"We had an ultrasound the day we left to come here. We got to find out that we are having a little boy. We are so excited about that however they found something that wasn't such good news. They found a hole in the babies heart. Right now it's not causing  problems however when he is born it will. They told us there is a chance that it will close on its own as he grows but there is also a chance it won't. So we have another ultrasound when we get back to recheck it." 

"Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry... wow... is there anything we can do?" Endy asks

"Can we help in anyway?" Dot speaks up

I look at the women who have come to mean so much to me being the mother and sister of my other half. The look of concern and fear on her face breaks my composure for a moment. I gather myself before speaking again. 

"Right now we are just waiting. We will know more after this next ultrasound. On a lighter note. We picked out a middle name but even though Blake assured me you would approve, I wanted to get your approval for sure. We would like our sons middle name to be Richie." 

Dot gasps placing a hand over her mouth. Endy instantly has tears in her eyes. 

"It would be such a great way to pay tribute to Richie.  We couldn't approve more." Dot answers

There are hugs exchanged as well  as tears. We talk for a little while longer. All of us move outside to enjoy the weather and to watch the kids as they play. I find myself wondering how I ever lived without this, a loving man and sense of family, but I shake my head because I'll never have to live without it again. I'm brought out of my thoughts by a southern laugh coming from my cowboy and the screams of our kids as he chases them around the yard. I am so blessed there is no doubt about it.


	52. My emotional boy

Getting on that plane to fly home has never been harder. I don't want to go. When we go we lose the open space, the isolation, the beauty, and we lose Blake's family. These people have come to mean so much to me. It's hard to walk away from their tear stained faces. However the thing I'm dreading the most is the ultrasound that's coming when we get home. This ultrasound will determine the path our life is going to take. No matter what we will be grateful for our son, but no one wants to see their kid sick. As we get on the plane and make sure everyone is buckled in and in the seat they want, I feel a single tear fall down my face. Blake stretches his arm out around me as he wipes the tear from my face. When I look up at him, he isn't smiling or showing me his dimples. I'm reminded yet again that I'm not alone in this. Blake is walking the path with me and that we need to support one another, because let's be honest we didn't have that in our last marriages. Suddenly it becomes apparent that I make sure he knows we are together in this no matter what. So I snuggle into his chest while I reach up a caress his cheek and stubble, at the same time I tell him I love him. He holds me tighter to his chest and says...

"I love you to Gwen. Always."  
...............................................................................................................................................  
I wake up about an hour later in the same position I fell asleep in. I look around and see that everyone else is asleep except Zuma. He looks like he is deep in thought and worried. He has always been my emotional and thoughtful kid out of the three boys. 

"Zuma baby are you ok?" I ask softly as not to wake anyone sleeping 

"I'm fine mom." 

"Baby boy you know I can tell when ur lying to me right?" 

He nods his head looking at his hands in his lap. 

"Mom what's going on? I know I'm a kid but I can handle it, I know I can."

"What do you mean baby?" I say sitting up some but Blake moans and tightly pulls me back into him. I giggle under my breath that even when he is asleep he won't let go.

"Something going on. Before we left you talked to nonna and the other grown ups. You all cried. Here you talk to mawmaw and aunt Endy. Everyone was crying again. So I know something is wrong." 

"Oh baby I didn't want you guys to know we were upset but I guess we did a bad job of hiding it huh. Well baby daddy and I found out that you baby brother is sick. We are all sad that he is sick. We didn't want you to worry until we knew how sick he is and what that's gonna mean." 

"If he is sick can't the doctors make him better?" 

"The are going to try baby, but it's gonna be really hard on him. He is gonna be pretty sick for a while." 

"Is he..... is he gonna die?" He asks sheepishly with tears in his eyes. 

I want to lie and tell him absolutely not that the doctor will save him, but we don't know that for sure. That's been the unsaid possibility since we found out. I haven't even come to terms with it. How can I possibly ask a 10 year old to except it? This only gets harder.

"Baby I'm gonna be real with you ok?" He nods his head in response 

"We don't know. The doctors are going to do everything they can to help him and we are going to make sure he has the best doctors out there but...we don't know what's gonna happen to him." 

Tears are streaming down his face now. I feel the tears begin to fall down my face as well. This is why I didn't want to tell the kids, it's a lot for them to cope with. I pull free of Blake's grasp and move in front of my middle son. I wrap him in my arms as he completely falls apart. Blake wakes up at me pulling away from he and I see him looking around only to find the scene unfolding with Zuma. He mouths to me "what's going on?" I mouth back "I had to tell him about the baby" he gets up and unhooks Zuma's seatbelt. I give him a questioning look as I back up giving him room to do whatever it is he is doing. He picks Zuma up sitting down in his seat placing him on his lap. Zuma buries his face in Blake's chest just as I have done many times. Blake rubs his hand up and down his little back. 

"Buddy I know how sad you are but can we talk?" Blake pleads 

I sit on the seat in front of them, my hands still on Zuma's knee. I need him to know I'm still right here. I see him loosen his grip on Blake and look up at him nodding. 

"I know your sad cause mom and I are to but I need you to do something for me. I need you to remember that mom and dad will take care of the worrying. We don't want you thinking that's your job. But you do have a job to help us. Do you know what that is?" 

"No" he says 

"Your job is to love your little brother and tell him everyday. He needs to know we all love him. All the love he gets he turns into strength and he needs to be very strong when he is born. Can you do that job for me?" 

"Yeah I can do that." He sniffs composing himself before he gets down from Blake's lap.

He walks over to me and places his hands on my belly. He bends down and places a kiss on it. He then stands up and gives me a kiss.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
After getting Zuma settled and he falls back to sleep, Blake and I settle back into our previous position. Arms around each other. My head on his chest.

"Thank you" I say

"What for?" He responds

"The way you handled him. You handled that better than I ever could." 

"You don't have to thank me for being there for you or for taking care of our kids. It not something I do because I have to. I do it because I want to." I squeeze him tighter to me 

"Blake..."

"Yeah baby?"

"Don't let go ok?" 

"I wouldn't dream of it darlin."  
...............................................................................................................................................  
"Gwen where are you we are gonna be late?" I hear him yell but nothing comes from my mouth

I sit there speechless and internally fighting a battle I know I'll never win on my own.

"Gwen!....... Gwen?" His head pops around the corner of the door

I blink but nothing. Nothing is the only word I have to describe the place I am in. I'm thinking of nothing. Unable to move. Tears streaming downing my face. He races to me and kneels down in front of me.

"Baby are you ok? Is something wrong?" 

"What if we go and it hasn't gotten smaller? What if they tell us he will have to have surgery the second he is born? What if we.....never get to bring him home?" 

"Shhhh baby girl, we don't know any of that right now. If he does have to have surgery we will be at the hospital supporting each other, being there for each other and our son. We will find the best doctor who can fix him and that's who will take care of him." He pulls me into a hug. 

"I know how hard this is. I'm wrecked on the inside to. The news of finally having a son to carry on my family name literally made me the happiest man ever. Now we don't even know if he is gonna make it. If something happens to him Gwen I'm gonna be a wreck!" 

... after a few minutes collecting ourselves I finally feel I ready to face this. We both head down stairs hand in hand ready to learn the plan God has for our future.


	53. Heart whole or broken

We sit in the same room where we first learned about our sons heart. After the ultrasound they brought us back to this room to wait while the doctor reviews the ultrasound. The fear and tension in the room is so thick it isn't funny. 

"So we picked out his middle name, what about first name ideas?" Blake asks

I can tell what he is try to do and I appreciate it really. 

"Well what are your thoughts on summit?" 

"Summit Richie Shelton. I kinda like the flow of that." 

"Yeah you really like it? Like you don't think it's crazy?" 

"No absolutely not I mean I actually expected it to be a little more weird." He chuckles 

I give him a look that says "what's that supposed to mean?"

He throws his hands up in an I surrender pose.

"I just mean you've been very creative with all our kids and this one seems to be the most normal. However for me I know that's probably because of using Richie's name."

We both fall silent again. The gravity of the situation invading the room. 

"Gwen?"

"Yeah babe?"

"Everything's gonna be ok right? WE are gonna be ok right?" 

"Oh babe." I wrap my arms around his neck and he buries his head in my neck

"I don't know what's gonna happen with Summit but I can tell you that WE, you and I will alway be ok. Your my best friend and I can never lose you. NEVER!"

He cried into my shirt for a few minutes till we heard the impending knock on the door, knowing that the moment is finally here. She opens the door and comes in saying hi shaking our hands. As she moves to sit on the chair in front of us, my heart sinks. She doesn't need the doctor to tell her the answer. She already knows and it's literally breaking her. 

"So I was looking over the ultrasound and unfortunately it didn't show what we had hoped it would. So what does that mean? Well it means he will have to have surgery when he is born. What I'm going to do is refer you to a pediatric cardiologist who you will meet with before the baby is born so he can prepare you for what will happen."

Tears stream down my face but I'm not nearly as upset as I expected. I think it's because deep down I knew the whole time. Call it mothers intuition. Call it a feeling. Call it what ever you want but I knew. I did my grieving the past few weeks. Blake however loses his composure and falls totally apart in my arms. 

"What do we do next?" I ask her

"The next step her is to meet with the pediatric cardiologist and let him see the ultrasounds and he will lead from there." 

"Can you tell us who the best are? I don't care where they are I just want the best to take care of him." 

"Right now the leading pediatric cardiologist is in Boston. Is that where you would like the referral for?" 

"Yes please. Thank you for your help." 

"No thanks needed it was my pleasure."

"Do we see you again? Or who will handle the pregnancy part?"

"You will see one of the OBs at the hospital in Boston, that way they can coordinate better with the cardiologist." 

"Ok thank you" 

"Your welcome we will be praying for your family."   
...............................................................................................................................................  
After we check out and are in the car Blake breaks down for a second time. He places his hand on my bump. The look on his face is one of loss, anger, and sadness. 

"Why does he hate us so much?" 

"Who?" I ask taken aback by the question 

"God. Have we not had enough shit thrown our way. I'm just trying to understand why this all has to happen to us." 

"Baby he doesn't hate us. Why is it we alway get the short end of the stick? I don't know but hey we have each other and we are gonna get through this together. Ok?" 

"Yeah let go get Addie from your mom. I really just want to hold her right now." 

"Ok babe. Let's go."   
...............................................................................................................................................  
Today is a big day for Blake and I on more than one front. Not only did we have the ultrasound today but today is our 3 year anniversary. What shitty news to get on your anniversary. With everything that has gone on I don't think Blake has even thought about today being our anniversary. We are headed to my moms to pick Addie up and spend some time with her by herself. Blake needs his little girl right now just as much as I do. When we pull up outside I look at the window and can't help but laugh at the scene before my eyes. 

"What's up baby? Why ya laughing?" Blake asks 

"Look at the window babe." I say point to the front window of my parents house. 

Blake's full belly laugh rumbles through the car. In the window is our baby girl trying her hardest to jump up and down from excitement. The problem with that is she can barely walk and stand much less jump, so she is falling every time she accomplishes a real jump and stumbling when she doesn't quite make it off the ground. Blake exists the car walking around to my side opening the door and helping me out. We head to the door hand in hand. As we ring the bell and wait he pulls me into him placing a kiss on top of my head and resting his free hand on my bump. Door opens and our little girl is right there waiting reaching up to us. Blake bends down to pick her up. We both kiss her head snuggling right there in the doorway. Both Addie and I are cuddled into Blake with our heads on his chest and our arms wrapped around him and each other. I felt the tension leave Blake's body as we stood for as long as Addie let's us. She pulled back then and open mouth kissed Blake saying "Dada luv you". Next she turned to me and reached her arms out. I took her form Blake and she gave me the same treatment. In this moment that I remember, no matter how shitty life gets we are still blessed and have so much to be grateful for. 

"How was she?" I ask 

"Good as always she is getting hungry though." My mom answers

I see the questioning look in her eyes but I'm not ready to talk about it yet. I'm scared I'll break and I know Blake will. 

"Ok well we are taking her out to lunch and to the park for a little. So we are gonna head out if that's ok." 

"Yeah of course. We love you." 

"We love you too." 

"Yeah see you later tonight." Blake says

I turn to Blake in confusion. He of course pretends to not notice my surprise. 

"What's happening tonight?" I ask as we walk to the car

"Oh nothing I just said that out of habit." 

I nod but I totally don't believe him. He is hiding something I just don't know what. I'll figure it out though I always do.   
...............................................................................................................................................  
I stand in the kitchen pouring myself tea, when Blake walks in with a huge grin on his face.   
"Addie is asleep Be ready at 6:00 in dressy attire" Blake says placing a kiss on my head

"What? Why? Where are we going?" 

"So many questions but no answers. It's all a surprise." He smiles while a frown and pout

"Your cute when you pout. Now go get ready." He chuckles as he grabs my butt and walks away

I can do nothin but smile as once again I'm reminded how lucky I am. I may have lost my kids father but I think that was the best thing to ever happen to me. Now I have a fiancé who is caring, loving, respectful, and affectionate. I'm beyond blessed and I thank God for the last three years. I thank him for waking me up and giving these three years of color. I smile and head upstairs with my tea in hand. Being pregnant I don't have a ton of choices and now of them fit right. I sit down on the white couch in my closet and put my face in my hands. Whatever he has planned for tonight, he is trying to make it romantic and about us. I'm so huge and whale like I can't even look good for him. once again I feel as though I'm falling short of what he deserves. That's when he sticks his head in.

"Gwen how's it coming?" He says as his eyes fall on me

"Gwen baby are you crying?"

"Just go you don't need to see this." 

"I think you know that's not gonna happen. Now tell me what's going on." Hey says as he walk to me and sits down wrapping me in his arms

"I'm fat. We will go where ever you have planned and you will look amazing and then there will be frumpy fat pregnant women." Tears are now pouring down my face 

"Hey hey where is all this coming from Gwen? Your not fat at all your pregnant! Pregnant with my baby might I add, which happens to turn me on" he says pulling me into him shining his dimples at me

"You don't think I'm totally unattractive and frumpy?" 

"Absolutely not. You are more beautiful than any sunset or mountain scene. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. And I love you. No one else. I love you and only you."

"I love you too Blake. Thank you."

"Thank you for what?" 

"Making me feel beautiful." 

"Only stating fact darlin."


	54. Want to hold him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait I couldn't get ideas to come out that would do this fic justice.

I'm standing in the kitchen of the home we rented here in Boston. All of our family is here as well since today is the big day. They are delivering our little boy today. This way was chosen to allow the doctors to remain in control of the situation. They had been through how everything would happen today with us multiple times. They would take us back to the operating room and begin the c-section. Once he was delivered, the would let me see him for a very brief moment before he would be taken to an adjoining operating room. In that room would be a full team of pediatric cardiologists ready to begin as soon as his tiny body hits the cold table. They would cut his chest open and fix the hole in his heart. They expect it to be a few hours long surgery for him. The thought of not even getting to hold my son before he is taken to a surgery that lets be honest he may not live through literally kills me. I want him to know that I love him and I'm taking care of him by letting them take him, but he is a baby he won't understand that. Suddenly im pulled out of my head space by two strong rugged arms wrapping around me and hands protectively covering my pregnant belly. 

"Baby you have got to stop stressing out. It's not good for you or for him." 

"I know. I'm scared he is gonna think we abandoned him because we aren't even gonna get to hold him." 

"Baby he isn't gonna remember that part and the minute he is out of surgery we are gonna be right by his side. Your mom and Jen are gonna get the boys and Addie up later so they aren't stuck at the hospital as long." 

"Yeah that's a good idea." 

Blake places a kiss on my temple before unwrapping his arms from around me and getting himself some breakfast. After saying goodbye to our families Blake and I make our way to the hospital. We check in and are prepped before we are escorted into the operating room. I had never been in one before and it's just as white and scary as they portray it to be on tv. They sit me on the table and have Blake stand in front of me while they place the epidural. Once that's in place I'm laid on the table and Blake is placed in a seat by my head. He grabs the hand closest to him and interlaces our fingers. The doctors let us know they are beginning and I lay there helplessly awaiting the entry of our son into this world. It's when we hear his tiny weak cry that both Blake and I break down tears pour from our eyes. The drape blocking my view suddenly comes down on one side and I finally see his tiny face. 

"Say hi mommy and daddy. I love you." The nurse holding him says

"Blake he looks just like Addie." 

"Yeah he does baby." 

"Ok mom and dad we have to take him next door. Next time you see him he will have a fixed heart." The nurse tells us with a sympathetic smile. 

I reach up and they let me touch his face before he is whisked away. At this point I lose what composure I had. Blake bends down and his forehead rests on mine. 

"He is gonna be ok baby. We have to believe he will." I absorb Blake's touch as that's the only thing keeping me from coming completely apart.

"I know this isn't an easy time m'am but we need you to try and calm down so we can get you put back together." 

I see Blake's face turn from fear and concern to full on rage. He stands up looking, I assume at the doctor, as the drape had been pulled back up. 

"You call yourself a doctor. My fiancé and I just watched our son, that we may never get to hold, being carried away to a surgery that will either save him or kill him and your telling her to calm down? Who the fuck do you think you are? Do your damn job and close her up and after that I don't want to see your face near us again." 

Blake sits back down and his forehead finds its place on mine again. 

                                                    .............................................

The wait while we sit in my room waiting for word on how our son is doing is one of the longest hours this world has ever experienced. He has been in surgery for two hours now and the longer he is in there the more our fear grows. My mom calls Blake for an update and he tells her all we know promising to call the minute we get word that he is out of surgery. 

We wait yet another half hour before our sons cardiologist comes in. I try to read the look on his face but I can't tell anything. 

"Hey guys." The doctor says

"How is he please just tell us." I plead with him

"He is stable." 

"Oh my gosh, thank you. Thank you so much!"

"He did very well. It went text book. He will be on breathing assistance for the next hour and then we will get him off that. He will need monitoring for the next four days or so. But after that you should be able to take him home." 

"When can I hold him?" I ask needing to hold my son

"As soon as he is breathing on his own you can hold him. If he continues to do so well he can come to your room tomorrow evening. He will still have monitors but he won't need to be in the NICU anymore."

Tears stream down my face and Blake sits down on the bed next to me wrapping me in hug. Our son is ok. He is gonna be ok. 

"Can we at least see him now?" Blake asks

"For that your gonna have to ask her doctor. As far as the little guy, your definitely welcome to see him and hold his hand." 

"You mean we can touch him?" I ask sitting straight up in bed ignoring the slight pull I feel at my incision.

"Yeah I have no problem with that in fact they tend to do better when their parents are around them." 

"Thank you so much for everything you did for our son. We owe you the world." Blake says shaking our sons doctors hand, the hand that saved our son.

"I do this because of moments like this. Getting to tell parents that their child is going to be ok." He smiles and leaves our room

"Blake he is ok. He is gonna be ok." We sit on the bed holding each other for a while. 

When we pull apart I hit my call bell. I want to see my son. He needs me at his side. He needs to know he isn't alone. The nurse comes in and I tell her what the doctor said and she tells me I have about an hour before I can transfer to a wheelchair. I'm totally devastated. I want to go to my son and they won't let me. Blake spends the next 20 minutes getting me to calm down and stop crying. He sits holding me while he calls the family to let them know that everything went well and that right now everyone is doing well. He tells them to wait until tomorrow to bring the kids in, neither of us think it would be a good idea today. 

About an hour later I ring my bell again asking to go see my son and the nurse says yes this time. As they are pushing the wheelchair down to the NICU Blake and I hold hands both beyond nervous and excited to see our son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will likely be the last.


End file.
